Unraveling

I am going through a season of learning alot of lessons in my life right now. (Then again, when is my life NOT like that?)  One of the lessons I've had to learn is that I can't fix everything and I can't help everyone.  I have to admit that this is both devastatingly hard for me to accept and it's also devastatingly hard to watch the people around me suffer and not be able to do anything but pray for them.  It makes me feel completely helpless.  I watch their lives unravel and I just have to wait it out. 
Let me be honest: I'm a lifeguard in this game of life.  However, I'm a paranoid lifeguard.  I see someone start to flail even a little and I want to jump in and save them.  Okay if I'm being honest, I don't just want to save them; I want to save them from the water, carry them to a cabana and provide the spa treatment.  More simply speaking, I hae a tendency to not just want to help with whatever I can.  My tendency is to want to provide them with star treatment in every way that I can, no matter what I have to sacrifice.  While I don't think it's a bad thing to want to help people and it's definitely not a bad thing to exercise compassion, sometimes I find that I'm stepping on God's toes.  Alright, more than sometimes.  That's why it's a lesson I'm having to learn.
Here's what I have learned so far (and I'm sure there's more down the line....)
1.) My definition of "drowning" is different from God's  Sometimes God is just letting someone test the water.  I view it like someone who takes their little one to a public pool to teach them how to swim.  The mother might stand in arm's length but allow the little one to struggle just a little so that they learn to dog paddle.  If she moves too close, the child would grab on and rely on her but if she backs up just a little, she can let them swim to her.  I have been the mom that is teaching her child to swim and I think that's what God's doing with people sometimes.  However, I have a tendency to be the overprotective onlooker that jumps in at the first sign of panic from the child and scolds the mother in the water (figuratively, of course).  Yes, that's right, I have a tendency to (figuratively) scold God, saying, "What in the world are you doing?  Can't you see they're overwhelmed?"  What looks like drowning to me looks like a swimming lesson to God.  He's right there the whole time watching at arm's length but I'm only focusing on the flailing child.
2. ) Jumping in and whisking someone away does NOT always really rescue them Let's go back to the swimming lesson metaphor.  If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child who's learning to doggy paddle, I'm actually hindering their progress.  They not only miss out on learning to doggy paddle themselves but they also learn to think that what they were learning is a scary thing instead of a lesson.  In essence, I teach them to panic instead of trust.  I have a tendency to want to jump in and do everything for someone at the first sign of struggle.  If they need money, I'm jumping in to get them money.  If they need a babysitter, I drop everything to watch their child.  Whatever they need, I am willing to sacrifice my own well being and resources to provide it.  Sometimes that's what God wants.  Sometimes, however, that teaches people to rely on me instead of on God.  Sometimes it teaches them that the answer to their problem is in a person's hands instead of in God's arms.  Often, it makes them believe that what they're going through is such a scary experience that they can't handle it...and they start to panic.  That's not to say that they wouldn't have struggled a little anyway but now they're struggling worse because I tried to help where I wasn't needed.
3. ) There's a difference between helping and doing it for someone While it's okay to help someone out, there's a difference between helping them and doing it for them.  If I race in and take over, I'm denying them a chance to learn really important lessons.  In the long run those lessons might have benefited someone else because they were having the same experience.  I might be denying a long line of people a particular lesson just by jumping in this time around.  Exercising compassion and showing the person struggling love, support and whatever else they NEED is perfectly fine and it's what God wants for us.  (Note that I said "need" instead of "want"...I'm having to learn the difference when it comes to this particular area).  Sometimes, though, God needs to them to be a little uncomfortable in order to learn a lesson...and me doing it for them isn't teaching either of us anything.
4. ) Sometimes the lesson isn't patience or compassion; it's learning to keep my mouth closed and my hands behind my back As much as I want to help, I'm learning that I can't swoop in and rescue people all of the time. Sometimes God wants me to keep my mouth closed, my hands folded, and my head bowed.  I can pray for them but I'm not supposed to do what I want to do to rescue them.  He wants for their rescue to provide the glory to Him.  If I swoop in, it only does more harm than good. 
5. ) God ALWAYS finds a way to teach the lesson...and you might miss out on watching them learn it if you step in If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child, I might temporarily fix the situation but that's not going to stop the parent from coming back and teaching that child later when I'm not there....and I won't get to see the pride they exhibit when they learn.  Sometimes the "reward" for standing back (prayerfully) and letting God handle things is simply getting to see the lessons that they learn firsthand and seeing how proud they are of themselves for getting through it.  It's also about seeing how much closer they get to God.  It is absolutely the most difficult thing in the world to watch them struggle but watching them learn to trust God is immeasurably awesome.
6. ) Finally, the bigger picture is way more important than the immediate shot. I'm finding that simply being there and supporting someone through their process ends up contributing more to the bigger picture.  Providing a loving environment for them to learn their lessons in AND a pair of soft arms to fall into when they need to cry because it feels overwhelming is far more important than trying to resolve it.  God allows me to repeat myself a thousand times a day that I'm here and I'm ready at the drop of a hat to jump in but He also assures me that it's under control.  What I think is someone's life unraveling is really God taking out broken stitches so he can fix the seams and make it more sturdy. 
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fully in control of this lesson but I'm definitely more prayerful about how and what I do to help in such huge ways.  Prayer crosses all boundaries and God NEVER has an issue if I'm praying for someone...that's something I can ALWAYS do to help.  However, I have to be prayerful about the control that I try to take to rescue people.  God's in control and He will use me where he sees fit!