Confusing....

Sometimes things in my life are just confusing. I know that God sees the bigger picture but often times, in the midst of dealing with all that I'm dealing with, I don't understand the reasoning nor do I understand what is going on to begin with. I find myself asking God why He asked me to be somewhere or talk to someone and then have it look like it blew up in my face or went nowhere. What I'm finding though is that if I remain steadfast in my faith in God and hope for the future, things WILL work out to my advantage...it may take time but they will.

Frustration and Faith

My prayers for awhile now have been that God will clear the crap out of my life. I have prayed for Him to remove the people and things that have been causing drama and grief...the ones that are toxic to me. I have prayed for Him to make it apparent whether the wishy-washies in the middle should be in my life or not. Basically this means that I asked for Him to sweep the things/people that COULD/WILL be beneficial to me on one side and the things/people that COULD/WILL be harmeful to me on the other side. Finally, I have asked for Him to strengthen the bonds with the people that are good for me. I don't feel like I could have done this process on my own since I don't see the full picture and I tend to want to believe the best in people, almost to a fault. God has made alot of things apparent in my life that I wouldn't have otherwise seen and, for that, I am so thankful. It has reinforced my faith, though it has been painful at times.
By the same token, I have felt great deals of frustration at this process. In particular, my frustration lies when I see three things.... (A) Someone I thought was an amazing blessing in my life who turned out to be the opposite (B) Someone who I know to be a schmuck seeming to get away with murder. (C) The people who used to be schmucks trying to fix their lives and being crapped on. I don't have it in me to be angry necessarily but I am frustrated beyond belief when I see good people being treated badly and jerky people being treated like kings/queens.
When I really dug in and allowed God to settle my heart about this, I noted the following.....
(A) God sometimes allows you to travel down a rough road so that when you get to the biggest blessings, they are even more sweet to you. This is a comfort not only for the rough patches in the path that I travel but also for me watching friends and family suffer. They are being allowed to go through this because there is something AMAZING on the other side. It will be so much sweeter when we are past the obstacles and can see this amazing blessing.
(B) To quote from a movie (Diary of a Mad Black Woman) "Sometimes we try hold onto the thing that God Himself is trying to tear apart." There are some things and people that are torn from our lives because they just aren't good for us. It doesn't mean they aren't good...just not good for us. This comforts me in my own life because there are areas where it hurts to be so out of control and watch what I'VE built crumble between my fingers. I rest in knowing that God will build something far more amazing in its place. I take great solace in this while watching my friends and family struggle as well. Sometimes things have to fall apart for them to fall together.
(C) God works in MYSTERIOUS ways. God does things that I never seem to understand at the time but later end up saying, "Oh, I get it..." Sometimes waiting is part of that.
(D) God has a FUNNY sense of humor. I say this all the time about the timing of our children's births because, at the time it seemed SO overwhelming and we never planned for them to be so close together or to have four. However, now looking back, I wouldn't change a thing!
(E) God or karma or whatever you want to call it DOES come back around. Sometimes it takes awhile but it ALWAYS comes back. People that call it karma say "What goes around comes around." People that call it God's hand say "You reap what you sow." The truth is that it's all the same thing, just different names. Sometimes you DO have to face bad things and it has NOTHING to do with karma but rest assured that your positive will toward people will come back to you times one hundred.

Is there such a thing as "no regrets?"

I heard someone say recently that they live their life with no regrets because everything that has happened to them has made them who they are. I really have thought and prayed on the subject because I do feel like I regret some choices in my life. Regret, as a verb, means "to think of with a sense of loss" or "to feel sorrow or remorse for." Regret, as a noun, means " a sense of loss, disappointment, or dissatisfaction" or "a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc" (both are from dictionary.com). The fact is that I do feel like I have things in my life that I feel sorrow and remorse for. I have feelings of remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc. Let me clarify, though....
The phrase "Everything happens for a reason" could not be more true, in my own mind. I do think that things happen for a reason and that there are seasons in people's lives. I do think that "sometimes bad things happen to good people." Don't get me wrong. I am not blind to the fact that the experiences in my life taught me lessons and that some of these experiences changed my habits. That being said, I don't think that the experiences changed the core of my being.
I am a firm believer that there are a number of factors in your life that shape who you are from the date you were born to your birth order to your name and obviously environmental factors such as family life, friends, etc. I think that the essential core of your being remains the same no matter what. Christ being in your life gives you a relationship with him and gives you a passion to be more like Him but essentially you still have to battle your bad habits one at a time (though with God's hand, it's much easier). I don't think there is much that affects your essential makeup because God created you a certain way and He doesn't make mistakes. I believe that some people are more shy than others by nature. You can change their habits but you can't change their essential make up. I believe that some people are outspoken. They can learn to shape their habits, but their desire to be outspoken will never change. I honestly don't believe that people's essential makeups change....only their habits.
So, getting back to my original question, I don't think that the experiences in my life made me who I am. I think they changed my habits...they made me appreciate certain things more, they made me more frugal, they made me more conscious of certain things, and so on and so forth. Big events let me know who my "real friends" were and how I should expect people to react in a crisis. Ultimately, though, it gave me knowledge and changed my habits, but not me. I don't believe that people have reset buttons. I don't believe that you can just flip a switch and make them something that they're not. They still have the same desires and passions...they just learn what to do with them (good or bad).
There are people that I regret hurting in my life, through words or actions. There are people that I regret felt hurt by situations that I watched. There are people that I have let corrupt my life for longer than they should have. There are people that I should have fought harder to keep in my life and there are people that I should have told to go pack sand. The fact is that I regret the way that I treated some people (good or bad) and how I let people treat me sometimes. The fact is that I regret some of my decisions and that I would change them if I could. The fact is that I do experience sorrow over some of the choices that I've made. I don't believe that there are honestly people that have no regrets. I believe that it is something that people tell themselves to make their minds feel at ease. Regrets are okay if you learn from them and God is a God of second chances. You may have a chance to remedy those regrets.