Life Lessons

I have to say that I'm not all that excited about some of the lessons I've had to learn lately. They have been the not-so-fun but extremely life-altering lessons that bring you to your knees. I thought I'd share, nonetheless, since writing it out sort of serves as a therapeutic outpouring and maybe, just maybe, I can save someone else some heartache, affirm some life choice they're needing to make, or just provide some insight to something going on in their life.

1. People break promises. No matter how much you trust someone or how great you think they are, they ARE going to fail you. It doesn't make them a bad person; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they don't love you. The only person (and I use that term loosely of course) that doesn't break promises is God.

2. God sometimes asks you to do something just to see if you'll comply. God's honest truth is that sometimes God asks you to do some big life-altering change in your life just to see if you'll actually do it. He's not necessarily testing you so much as building your faith. He may ask you to move a thousand miles away or to take a job that would have you leave a job that you've had forever. He wants to see if you'll step out. The great news is that a show of faith in these situations is usually rewarded. The bad news is that you have to prepare yourself for the fall when you realize what you've been working for isn't going to happen and wait for what God has next.

3. People don't change. This is something that has been an ongoing lesson for me. People don't change who they are. They don't magically just change their ways. Even when God changes their hearts, He changes their actions more than anything. He created them uniquely the way that they are and has good intentions for each and every gift they have. It is their choice to use their gifts in a poor way and they do. Most of the time, people resort back to what is easiest for them, and that's generally not beneficial to others.

4. Nobody is going to like you if you can't like yourself first There are so many self-conscious people walking around, feeling like the world is going to end if they don't have friends around. The truth is that learning to love yourself is a process but learning to like yourself is even harder. Love is unconditional and you can convince yourself that you are worthy of love but actually liking who you are and seeing the positive in your qualities is an entirely different story. However, there are very few people in this world who are actually LOOKING for someone with low self-esteem to buddy up with and the people that ARE looking for that are generally trouble.

5. People come and go This one is an especially difficult lesson for me because I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. My friends are like family to me and I protect them like a lioness. There are some people that I have recently had to let go of and it's been one of the hardest experiences in my life. This has been an ongoing process but there have definitely been times when I've doubted the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" theory. Some relationships were gone for awhile and have sloooooooooowly started rebuilding and others are, I think, gone for good (though I guess you never really know.)

6. Sometimes God brings people back into your life for a reason With the invention of social networking, people are coming back into my life like crazy. Some of them are just old friends. These are the people that I enjoy seeing how they're doing but I'm not necessarily going to go drink coffee with them. Some of them are really good friends from the past that I just lost touch with. These people I am SO thankful for and I guess I never realize how much I missed them. Quite honestly, some of them are family that I just never made the time to get to know and now I'm getting that chance.

7. No one else has the right to make choices in your life but you If you give away your power to make choices by assuming that someone else knows what's right for you, you're giving away your power to live freely. You're actually voluntarily enslaving yourself to someone.

8. Moving on isn't giving up, and it isn't showing a lack of faith Moving forward through the big obstacles in your life isn't giving up on them. If your marriage failed or an adoption fell through or you lost your house and moved back in with your folks, it doesn't mean that YOU failed. Regardless of what some people will say, I honestly feel like Tyler Perry nailed it in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." In the film, Brian says, "Sometimes we hold onto things that God Himself is trying to tear apart." In the world we live in, there is so much craziness that we sometimes forget that God is in control. He doesn't change the rules on us but we aren't living in the time of Moses either....things change and God allows life changes to happen, sometimes for a reason.

9. Change hurts like hell That's just as simple as it sounds. It hurts like hell to go through change. I honestly think it's because you lose a piece of yourself when you change (don't get me wrong, change is good...it just hurts). The good news is that you gain a piece that replaces that.

10. Even when YOU lose focus on your path, God doesn't I seem to get distracted rather often on what I'm supposed to be doing. Most of the time, it's just an optimistic focus on the people around me that bites me in the butt. The truth is that sometimes the enemy throws distractions this way and sometimes it's just you distracting yourself. Sometimes it's unintentional but sometimes it's completely intentional to avoid having to make a hard choice. God won't steer you off your path. (which is not to say that you can't get off course YOURSELF). He just waits patiently while you sit down and refuse to move any further. Eventually you get up, dust yourself off and say, "Okay I'm ready now..." God doesn't lose that path.

So that's what God's been working on with me. It's not pretty but it's honest. It's as candid as it gets and, yes, it's not all that much fun but I believe that the rewards will be bountiful for the faith He's giving me right now.

Opinions are like....

I've heard the expression thousands of times that opinions are like a**holes because everyone's got one. The truth is that everyone has dozens and dozens of opinions about everything. Even "better" is that everyone loves to share their opinions and then expect you to have the same opinion. That is where my issue lies.
Quite honestly, I am thankful for other people's opinions for a number of reasons. First off, I love peeking into the psychology of how people's minds work. Secondly, I love hearing different people's points of view so that I can form my own opinion based on alot of evidence. Finally, I value the opinions of those I love.
The truth is that you can choose who to listen to and who not to listen to. There is a polite way to listen and then just do what your heart tells you to do. There is a polite way to thank someone for their advice and then choose your own path instead. Frankly you CAN choose to just tell the person giving advice to pack sand but they mostly are just trying to help you not have to deal with the issues they've dealt with in the past.
Another important aspect of this to keep in mind is giving YOUR opinion to others. Most of the time, opinions are given because you don't want someone to hurt or deal with the same things you did. Often, though, people get upset when their loved ones don't take their advice. Somehow, they have come to believe that THEIR opinions are the end-all, be-all of good advice and that there is NO other way to handle things. Just as people all have unique aspects of who they are, everyone has a different way of coping and handling things. Advice IS wonderful but ultimately everyone has to find their own way.