Once again, the Lord provides me a huge surprise that blew me out of the water. After months of dealing with issues with the admin staff (and principal) at the kids' school, I basically threw my hands up. I was done dealing with them on all accounts and ready to transfer the kids for the next school year. I handed it up to God to help us get through the rest of the school year and we'd handle what happened after that.
Out of the blue, today, I received a phone call from the principal himself. It turned out that he was apologizing for everything that had gone on in the past months and for getting off on the wrong foot, so to speak. I was blown away. I hadn't made a snap judgement about this man but his sincere apology changed my entire outlook on him. It made me rethink my dislike of him and view him in a positive light. It definitely made getting through the remainder of this school year a much more positive experience, for sure.
A couple of things came to my mind and my heart in dealing with this. ....
#1-While I don't believe that people necessarily change to their core, at least not very often, I do believe that people can change their habits.
#2-A sincere apology can change the course of even the toughest events.
#3-God will sometimes provide you a little something just to tide you over when you're dealing with alot.
#4-God provides you with opportunities to form new opinions and views and when He gives those opportunities, you should consider strongly before counting them out.
#5-God often works the best when you let go and let Him do his job.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
What makes a good parent?
After listening to a friend talk tonight about some issues that she's having with her daughter, I am at a loss. She's an amazing parent with a big heart and she (and her husband) do their best to give their kids the things that they want and the opportunities that will help them be well-rounded. The situations that she's dealing with are mind-boggling to me and it's nothing that she could have foreseen and certainly didn't cause. Her daughter's choices are responsible for what she's doing and yet the parents are having to cope with what to do and how to handle it.
In talking with her, I wondered what it is that makes a good parent. There are certain qualities that I look for in my parental advice-givers. I have three main advice-givers in terms of parenting, all of which have three or more children (one of my pre-requisites because of the amount of children I have). All three are amazing Christian women and their children are grown (in fact all three have grandchildren). One of these women is Dan's Aunt Sue who has five children (all grown) and grandchildren and who never fails to give it to me straight in the most loving, kind and wonderful way. One of these women is my "adopted mom", "Mama B" who has three girls (all grown) and grandchildren and who is endlessly encouraging, uplifting, and honest with me. The last (but not least) of these women is my Grandma Lee who had four kids in four years and who has the most gentle, humble, beautiful spirit that a person could ever have. All of these women are the people in my life who I turn to for parenting advice, encouragement, and understanding. They were not without obstacles in their parenting experiences and they didn't always agree with their kids' decisions but they supported them and loved them through things. So what makes a good parent? All kids are different and they're all going to make their own choices but what makes someone's parenting really matter in the end....
Thus far, I have only a few things. I know that a God-centered household makes a difference. I know that a household that focuses on God first, family second, and then the outside world really helps the kids to get closer to God and make better decisions. It's no guarantee that mistakes won't be made and it's DEFINITELY not a warranty for no problems at all but I do believe that it makes a difference.
A second thing is time together. I think this breaks down into one on one time and family time as well. I think that it's important to have traditions (whatever they are) within your own family. I think it's important for kids to learn to work together as a team and that the family is a unit, a binding unit that protects and loves each other no matter what.
The final thing I know for sure is individuality and encouraging their gifts. I think that helping them find their individual gifts and talents makes the difference. I think it gives them confidence and that it encourages them to be courageous, use their assets and learn that there is more to life than fitting into a crowd.
Ultimately there's no telling what makes a great parent because every child is different and, thus, every parent is different. Maybe the only way to tell is by time and seeing how the children turn out. Maybe it's time and seeing how their relationships are in the long run. What makes a good parent?
In talking with her, I wondered what it is that makes a good parent. There are certain qualities that I look for in my parental advice-givers. I have three main advice-givers in terms of parenting, all of which have three or more children (one of my pre-requisites because of the amount of children I have). All three are amazing Christian women and their children are grown (in fact all three have grandchildren). One of these women is Dan's Aunt Sue who has five children (all grown) and grandchildren and who never fails to give it to me straight in the most loving, kind and wonderful way. One of these women is my "adopted mom", "Mama B" who has three girls (all grown) and grandchildren and who is endlessly encouraging, uplifting, and honest with me. The last (but not least) of these women is my Grandma Lee who had four kids in four years and who has the most gentle, humble, beautiful spirit that a person could ever have. All of these women are the people in my life who I turn to for parenting advice, encouragement, and understanding. They were not without obstacles in their parenting experiences and they didn't always agree with their kids' decisions but they supported them and loved them through things. So what makes a good parent? All kids are different and they're all going to make their own choices but what makes someone's parenting really matter in the end....
Thus far, I have only a few things. I know that a God-centered household makes a difference. I know that a household that focuses on God first, family second, and then the outside world really helps the kids to get closer to God and make better decisions. It's no guarantee that mistakes won't be made and it's DEFINITELY not a warranty for no problems at all but I do believe that it makes a difference.
A second thing is time together. I think this breaks down into one on one time and family time as well. I think that it's important to have traditions (whatever they are) within your own family. I think it's important for kids to learn to work together as a team and that the family is a unit, a binding unit that protects and loves each other no matter what.
The final thing I know for sure is individuality and encouraging their gifts. I think that helping them find their individual gifts and talents makes the difference. I think it gives them confidence and that it encourages them to be courageous, use their assets and learn that there is more to life than fitting into a crowd.
Ultimately there's no telling what makes a great parent because every child is different and, thus, every parent is different. Maybe the only way to tell is by time and seeing how the children turn out. Maybe it's time and seeing how their relationships are in the long run. What makes a good parent?
Monday, January 25, 2010
It doesn't really matter....
I just got back from a spelling bee where my oldest tried her very best and ended up with a fourth place elimination. The word that she got wrong was "linen." Alyssa is probably one of the best spellers I know and it doesn't seem like a difficult word but it's the one word that has gotten her goat all year long. She uses the advanced spelling lists from school and can spell words like "adjective" and "remember" but the word "linen" gets her goat.
We used this opportunity as one to encourage her and let her know how well she did. She did an excellent job. There were a number of kids eliminated before she was and she spelled some really difficult words. We told her how awesome she did and that she was really smart. It's always wonderful to be able to showcase how smart she truly is and how awesome it was that she had the courage to get up there in front of that many people and spell some pretty advanced words for third graders.
We used this as an opportunity to teach her good sportsmanship and to let her know that there always has to be a winner and it's okay if it's not you. Losing the spelling bee doesn't mean that you're a bad speller. It just means that there is somebody that spells better. Maybe that means they worked harder to study or maybe that means they are just naturally talented at spelling. There's always going to be someone to challenge you at things and those are the people who make you work harder, study more, and challenge yourself. The point is that when someone wins, you should take the opportunity to approach them and say "Congratulations. You did a great job." Alyssa's tears of defeat lasted only momentarily before she gathered herself and approached the winner to say "Congratulations. You did really well." This made me even prouder than the spelling bee itself did. For her to approach the winner and congratulate her is worth more to me than if she had made it twenty rounds. She learned a lesson in sportsmanship.
What we really wanted her to learn, though, is that in the scheme of things, who wins the spelling bee isn't that important. It's important that she studied the words and learned new things because knowledge is power. It's important that she had the courage to get up and compete at all because courage will get you to amazing places in your life. It's important that she overcame her feelings of defeat to congratulate the winner because good sportsmanship is a lesson that more children should be learning. It's important that she had fun and wants to try it again next year. It really doesn't matter if she won or lost, it's how she competed and she made me proud today.
We used this opportunity as one to encourage her and let her know how well she did. She did an excellent job. There were a number of kids eliminated before she was and she spelled some really difficult words. We told her how awesome she did and that she was really smart. It's always wonderful to be able to showcase how smart she truly is and how awesome it was that she had the courage to get up there in front of that many people and spell some pretty advanced words for third graders.
We used this as an opportunity to teach her good sportsmanship and to let her know that there always has to be a winner and it's okay if it's not you. Losing the spelling bee doesn't mean that you're a bad speller. It just means that there is somebody that spells better. Maybe that means they worked harder to study or maybe that means they are just naturally talented at spelling. There's always going to be someone to challenge you at things and those are the people who make you work harder, study more, and challenge yourself. The point is that when someone wins, you should take the opportunity to approach them and say "Congratulations. You did a great job." Alyssa's tears of defeat lasted only momentarily before she gathered herself and approached the winner to say "Congratulations. You did really well." This made me even prouder than the spelling bee itself did. For her to approach the winner and congratulate her is worth more to me than if she had made it twenty rounds. She learned a lesson in sportsmanship.
What we really wanted her to learn, though, is that in the scheme of things, who wins the spelling bee isn't that important. It's important that she studied the words and learned new things because knowledge is power. It's important that she had the courage to get up and compete at all because courage will get you to amazing places in your life. It's important that she overcame her feelings of defeat to congratulate the winner because good sportsmanship is a lesson that more children should be learning. It's important that she had fun and wants to try it again next year. It really doesn't matter if she won or lost, it's how she competed and she made me proud today.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
A Message Straight from God
As I was sitting in church today, I had to smile a number of times. Though I was spoken to through the message, for certain, I could actually feel God's words speaking directly to Dan sitting next to me. It was pure last-minute drudgery that got Dan to go to church to begin with on his only day off but it was apparent to me (quite quickly) that God was speaking directly to him about the changes that need to take place in our lives and how things have worked in the past, are working right now, and are supposed to work in the future. I just kept smiling and it gave me immense joy for this purpose alone.
On top of this, the message was amazing. The basis of the message was about how it is impossible for us to achieve goals to better ourselves strictly on our own accord. We can grit our teeth to make it to a small goal, but in reality the big, life-changing goals are only achievable through the Holy Spirit and through His guiding. He can give you the patience and perseverance to get through that rough time. He can give you the love to deal with someone that is making you crazy (parents of teenagers come to mind.) He can give you joy in times when you're feeling completely down and depressed. He can give you kindness to deal with that person who intentionally drives you bananas. He can give you self-control to break that addiction. He can help you to achieve absolutely anything that You hand over to him. The biggest thing that kept echoing in my heart is the following: He can help you through anything but YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP THAT CONTROL.
Control is difficult for me to give up, mostly because I have so little control over the situations in my life. I have come to accept the areas of my life that I have no control over and, although they make me crazy, they are definitely what they are. I've accepted that I can't change them. The few small areas that I feel I have control over are the areas I struggle to let go. I don't want to let go of all control because it leaves me vulnerable and that scares me. Like a child who holds desperately to their toy when someone tries to take it away at bedtime, I am grasping with everything within me to let go of the areas that I'm controlling right now. Logically, in my heart of hearts, I know that giving up control is going to result in something bigger and better than I could ever imagine. That being said, logic doesn't overcome fear without alot of deep breaths and encouragement on my part.
One of many prayers has become to let go...to allow me to let go of the control over the situations that I'm holding onto. I pray that God opens my heart to accept His control in these areas and gives me not only peace but JOY in watching the Spirit change these situations into something wonderful.
On top of this, the message was amazing. The basis of the message was about how it is impossible for us to achieve goals to better ourselves strictly on our own accord. We can grit our teeth to make it to a small goal, but in reality the big, life-changing goals are only achievable through the Holy Spirit and through His guiding. He can give you the patience and perseverance to get through that rough time. He can give you the love to deal with someone that is making you crazy (parents of teenagers come to mind.) He can give you joy in times when you're feeling completely down and depressed. He can give you kindness to deal with that person who intentionally drives you bananas. He can give you self-control to break that addiction. He can help you to achieve absolutely anything that You hand over to him. The biggest thing that kept echoing in my heart is the following: He can help you through anything but YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP THAT CONTROL.
Control is difficult for me to give up, mostly because I have so little control over the situations in my life. I have come to accept the areas of my life that I have no control over and, although they make me crazy, they are definitely what they are. I've accepted that I can't change them. The few small areas that I feel I have control over are the areas I struggle to let go. I don't want to let go of all control because it leaves me vulnerable and that scares me. Like a child who holds desperately to their toy when someone tries to take it away at bedtime, I am grasping with everything within me to let go of the areas that I'm controlling right now. Logically, in my heart of hearts, I know that giving up control is going to result in something bigger and better than I could ever imagine. That being said, logic doesn't overcome fear without alot of deep breaths and encouragement on my part.
One of many prayers has become to let go...to allow me to let go of the control over the situations that I'm holding onto. I pray that God opens my heart to accept His control in these areas and gives me not only peace but JOY in watching the Spirit change these situations into something wonderful.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The church I've been attending is doing a series on building your faith called "God's Gym." On a daily basis, tips are posted on the website for daily time with God. In a recent post, there was a tip based on a book written by two pastors (Henry Cloud and John Townsend) called "How People Grow." Essentially there are three elements: grace, truth and time. Grace is described as "an atmosphere in which we are allowed to admit our sins, weaknesses and faults without fear of condemnation..." Truth is described as "an environment in which Biblical truth will consistently be spoken into our lives...." Time is described as "an environment where spiritual progress over time is the expectation...." (There is more to the explanations, of course but in the interest of using my time, I am trying to type the "main idea").
Since the start of 2010, I have been pretty constantly trying to assess the people, circumstances, and things in my life and whether they are positive, negative or neutral. The people, circumstances and things in my life that are negative are what I am concentrating attention on getting rid of AND replacing with positive people, circumstances, or things. Those that are neutral, I am making an effort to put some pressure on and see which direction they go. Those that are positive, I am choosing to hold dear and do my best to appreciate these people, circumstances and things to the fullest. It all sounds rather confusing so I will give some examples....
The Lord has blessed me with general good health with a family health history that is not entirely favorable. I am choosing to appreciate this by making an effort to eat healthier, exhibit portion control, and work out. I am monitoring my BMI and making an effort to keep it at a healthy level. I am trying to be more active physically and looking forward to the nicer weather on that end.
The Lord has blessed me with four amazing children. I am choosing to appreciate them more by spending time with them trying to figure out what their true gifts and passions are and moving them towards using them in a positive manner. They each have unique abilities, strengths and weaknesses and I'm dedicating individual time to them to help them work towards whatever goals they set.
The Lord has blessed me with amazing extended family. Saying that my family life is crazy and dramatic is the understatement of the year. I have got some tremendous people that I refer to as my "extended family" that have been my saving grace. These people are the close friends, parents of friends, and, in some cases, actual relatives through marriage or blood that have changed my lives in positive ways. These are the people that are really there for me when I need it to encourage me, give me advice or be a shoulder to cry on. My appreciation for them extends beyond anything I could ever show and I am making my best effort to tell them just how wonderful they are.
We are facing, though, decisions in our future that will change the course of some of the neutral circumstances. Things are constantly changing in our lives and in this nation and there aren't alot of soft places to fall anymore (if there ever were). I am praying that God makes our paths clear and constant. I pray that He gives us the strength, patience and resources to make it break through the obstacles and stand firm where we need to stand. I pray that He gives us discernment where we're indecisive and uncertain. I pray that He provides His protection and His blessings and His abundance.
More than that, though, this lesson gave me real pause to evaluate where my growth stands. Do I live in an environment where I can admit my sins and weaknesses without fear of condemnation? Am I creating that environment for those around me? Am I living in an environment where the Biblical truth is spoken consistently? Am I speaking it consistently myself? Am I living in an environment where spiritual growth is expecting and am I growing spiritually myself?
Though I definitely got a wake-up call on a few areas of my life, what I got the most from this lesson was another example of the fullness of God's amazing grace. I got a lesson in God's acceptance and His forgiveness and how little I exhibit them in the scheme of things. I got a lesson in God's ability to accept us just as we are and how poorly I exhibit this myself in the scheme of things. I got a wake up call to work harder, pray more, and show more of the love that Christ gives to me. I thought that this was a fitting first post in a blog titled Moving Forward: A Journey of Faith. This is where this particular journey begins.
Since the start of 2010, I have been pretty constantly trying to assess the people, circumstances, and things in my life and whether they are positive, negative or neutral. The people, circumstances and things in my life that are negative are what I am concentrating attention on getting rid of AND replacing with positive people, circumstances, or things. Those that are neutral, I am making an effort to put some pressure on and see which direction they go. Those that are positive, I am choosing to hold dear and do my best to appreciate these people, circumstances and things to the fullest. It all sounds rather confusing so I will give some examples....
The Lord has blessed me with general good health with a family health history that is not entirely favorable. I am choosing to appreciate this by making an effort to eat healthier, exhibit portion control, and work out. I am monitoring my BMI and making an effort to keep it at a healthy level. I am trying to be more active physically and looking forward to the nicer weather on that end.
The Lord has blessed me with four amazing children. I am choosing to appreciate them more by spending time with them trying to figure out what their true gifts and passions are and moving them towards using them in a positive manner. They each have unique abilities, strengths and weaknesses and I'm dedicating individual time to them to help them work towards whatever goals they set.
The Lord has blessed me with amazing extended family. Saying that my family life is crazy and dramatic is the understatement of the year. I have got some tremendous people that I refer to as my "extended family" that have been my saving grace. These people are the close friends, parents of friends, and, in some cases, actual relatives through marriage or blood that have changed my lives in positive ways. These are the people that are really there for me when I need it to encourage me, give me advice or be a shoulder to cry on. My appreciation for them extends beyond anything I could ever show and I am making my best effort to tell them just how wonderful they are.
We are facing, though, decisions in our future that will change the course of some of the neutral circumstances. Things are constantly changing in our lives and in this nation and there aren't alot of soft places to fall anymore (if there ever were). I am praying that God makes our paths clear and constant. I pray that He gives us the strength, patience and resources to make it break through the obstacles and stand firm where we need to stand. I pray that He gives us discernment where we're indecisive and uncertain. I pray that He provides His protection and His blessings and His abundance.
More than that, though, this lesson gave me real pause to evaluate where my growth stands. Do I live in an environment where I can admit my sins and weaknesses without fear of condemnation? Am I creating that environment for those around me? Am I living in an environment where the Biblical truth is spoken consistently? Am I speaking it consistently myself? Am I living in an environment where spiritual growth is expecting and am I growing spiritually myself?
Though I definitely got a wake-up call on a few areas of my life, what I got the most from this lesson was another example of the fullness of God's amazing grace. I got a lesson in God's acceptance and His forgiveness and how little I exhibit them in the scheme of things. I got a lesson in God's ability to accept us just as we are and how poorly I exhibit this myself in the scheme of things. I got a wake up call to work harder, pray more, and show more of the love that Christ gives to me. I thought that this was a fitting first post in a blog titled Moving Forward: A Journey of Faith. This is where this particular journey begins.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
