One step forward, two steps back

My best friend is currently potty training her little one and I keep hearing her say, "It's like we take one step forward and two steps back." Frankly, that is how I've been feeling in my life recently and I have decided to liken my current progress in life to a toddler. Here is the basic premise (for your entertainment....LOL)....
(1) I am faced with an issue that presents a challenge and all of the sudden, I'm like a toddler facing a transition time. I'm not READY for a change yet. I'm doing just fine with whatever I'm doing. Why are you taking away my comfy, cozy activity and switching me to something new and scary. I panic first.
(2) I try to talk my way out of it. Just like a toddler asks for five more minutes, I'm struggling and asking for a little more time to enjoy my cozy space in the here and now. Why MUST it happen right now? Can't it wait another year or two? ;)
(3) I throw a fit. Yep, that's right. No matter how many times I face transitions, I still go through this step nearly every time. I drag my feet and go limp. I scream and cry and yell that I don't wanna go through this. I want to remain where I'm at. I want to skip the hard stuff. Logically I know the hard stuff makes you the person you are, but comfy cozy toddler Heather doesn't want that!
(4) I accept it indignantly and pout. Yep, again, I pout. I pout because I'm not getting my way and I swear I'll just go with the flow. I still make my attempts to get my "five more minutes" but they're less pronounced.
(5) I find that the change isn't nearly as scary as I thought. Yes, my super-organization and overly particular self always ends up finding that what I was so scared of isn't that bad at all...and maybe, just maybe, it's kind of fun and interesting. Who knew?
Yes, life is one step forward and two steps back. It's scary and exciting and throws me curve balls on a daily basis. Still, I press forward and say that I'm ready for whatever's next.....well at least until I actually have to deal with it.

The end of another summer.....

And so begins the end of another summer. It's devastating and wonderful at the same time. I have four little ones so excited about school that they can hardly stand to sit still. Alyssa, Anthony, and Daniel Andrew will be in fourth, second, and first grade respectively. Sydney is starting her first year of "school" by doing a preschool program.
It doesn't get much better than the excitement of preparing for the school year. At this age, the kids are still excited about new school supplies and new back packs. They're thrilled at the concept of getting back together with their friends and getting back into the swing of the school year. New school clothes are all the rage in my house right now and they have been hanging in their closets like little dangling carrots in front of a bunny's nose. The excitement builds on a daily basis.
I face the school year with mixed feelings. It is the first year that I will be able to accomplish more during the days and yet it is also the first year that they will all be involved in school activities. It's getting back to the hustle and bustle of schedules and running from this play to that. It's getting back to soccer practices and cheer practices and homework and projects...and, well, the list goes on and on.
With so many great vacations this summer, I am sad to see the summer go. We traveled to Georgia and spent time with friends and family there. We traveled to Illinois. We had family in town. We took trips to the zoo in two different cities, experienced a ton of time at the beach and the pool and have just had a really fun and pleasant summer...the best in a long time. I am thankful for every moment that I got to spend having a blast and making this summer fun and memorable for everyone.
On the other hand, there is something wonderful about the school year. There is something to be said for the crazy hubbub of rushing from place to place. There is something great about seeing the little projects that they've drawn or hearing the new songs they've learned. There is something wonderful about seeing them talk about their new friends or their activities with their teachers. There is something great about the independence that comes from them being on their own in their own little classes. There is something magical about the excitement building to a book character parade, a concert, or some other fun activity during the school year.
This whole experience is going to be a "wait and see" experience....I can't wait to see what the Lord brings into our lives this year!

Moving Forward...end of summer

As the school year creeps e'er closer, I find myself looking back on summer and a little sad that it is ending. Summer, like all good things, has to come to an end at some point and the most important thing is to have the memories to savor. Many summers (for our family) have had amazing memories right near our house but not much travel. This summer, however, was a summer of travel, outings, and so much fun that it was nearly unbearable!
I sort of got nostalgic thinking about the things and people in life that I missed. I'm about to celebrate my thirtieth birthday next month and there are so many things and people in my life that I wish were around. There were people that passed away. There were people that I just lost touch with. There were some that just resulted in ended friendships, etc. There were lost pets, lost items, and so on and so forth. It's not that I'm always sad thinking about all of these things, just wondering what might have been.
The good news is that God has a plan. It may not always be obvious right off the bat. Often times, for me, the next step is obvious but hard for me to make because I want to stay where I'm comfortable. God has a way of getting me out of my comfort zone as soon as I cozy in for a nice long rest. He has a way of changing my heart. For example, I wanted to break my addiction to pop (or for you Southerners, my addiction to Coke). I had tried to do it on my own for years and always ended up right back at square one. Finally I really prayed on it and the very next time I tasted a Pepsi, it tasted AWFUL to me. I didn't even want to drink it again. I still occasionally indulge in pop but I can do with or without it.
God has a way of changing my heart with people too. If there is a person in my life that God does not want there anymore, He has a way of making me look at them differently. He has a way of changing my heart over places so I don't want to be there anymore or visit a particular establishment. He has a way of weighing things on my heart to allow me to move forward into the next step of my life, the next phase of His plan.
Not always are His clues so subtle. There are times that God just has to kick me in the butt and tell me that enough is enough. Sometimes He really has to make me uncomfortable to make me change a particular part of my life. The point is, though, that God always finds a way to make things work the way that His plan indicates.
So as I look back on my summer and I'm sad about the details of its passing, I am thankful for the fond memories that I now hold in my heart and for the amazing blessings that God has given me. I look forward to the next step in God's plan.

Jealousy, deserving things, and others

Recently, I have been observing people's behavior more and more. I have watched some of my friends go through really difficult situations and others achieve such amazing blessing that it seems almost overwhelming. I have gone through things myself and watched how people tried to help me or handle things. Sadly, I have found a few things that I'd like to vent about...things that aggravate me because of the level of disrespect that they seem to show.
(1) Jealousy: Jealousy seems to be the blame of a number of situations. It seems to be the word that most people use as any excuse for why people act like jerks to each other. An example was a situation I had several months ago with some women that repeatedly referred to me as "preppy cheer mom" because I smiled alot. Though I found it to be funny, it was also agitating that someone would take time out of their day to say something catty to me because I smiled. I was told that the women were "jealous" because of the remarks that they said (more than just the one.) What I believe to be true is that they were not jealous at all. Jealousy indicates resentment because of another's success, rivalry, or advantages. If I were a Swedish supermodel, maybe that would be the case, but I don't believe that they were jealous. I think that this particular case (and many more) have more to do with insecurity than jealousy. I think that some people have a tendency to just spout off ugliness to bring people down so they can feel better about themselves and that it has more to do with their insecurity than actual jealousy.
(2) Deserving what you get: I have a really difficult time with this particular statement, even having a hard time saying it. Perhaps it's the level of empathy that God put in my heart but watching someone lose everything that they have or have their marriage fall apart (or anything else) isn't any easier to watch because they brought on their issues themselves. Yes, I do believe that you reap what you sow..call it karma or Godsmack or whatever. Yes, I do believe that your choices determine your outcome most of the time. With that said, no one really deserves to suffer. We are all equal in God's eyes no matter what sins you've committed. Period. Compassion in one of the greatest gifts that God gave us and saying that someone "deserves what they get" quite often takes that gift away.
(3) Apologies and lack thereof: I honestly believe that apologies are one of the building blocks of any good relationship (friendship, family, love, etc). People are going to let you down and they're going to make mistakes. The biggest difference in my relationships in life was the ability of people to admit when they were wrong and apologize for it. Conversely, it is also important how someone reacts to you when you apologize. If you apologize to someone and they react with a guilt trip, it's often times not as appealing to be around them as someone who accepts your apology and moves on. Apologies don't indicate that you are expecting someone to forget your mistake...just to forgive it. Apologies, like pictures, are worth a thousand words.
(4) Different vs wrong: Just because someone's outlook on life, discipline, etc is different than yours doesn't make it wrong. I see this reflected in parenting all too often. (i.e. "My child will NEVER throw a tantrum like that") The fact is that God created us differently so that we would react to things differently. Variety is the spice of life and people handle things differently, especially when it comes to parenting. Different kids need different disciplinary tactics sometimes...some throw more tantrums, some are more weepy, and some are more smart mouth. There are tactics to deal with them (and other people). Just because your treatment might be different doesn't make THEIRS wrong.
(5) I-Know-What's-Best Syndrome: I have found that many people are infected with I-Know-What's-Best Syndrome. They ALWAYS think that they know the solution to any problem. They ALWAYS think that they can fix their friends, family, etc. No one knows what's best all the time. Period.
(6) Reaction vs Reflection: I constantly say to my kids that they don't have to react to what their siblings do. They are frequently told to "ignore it." Sometimes, as an adult, it's difficult not to react when someone calls you a bad name, criticizes you, or just acts ugly toward you. I am just as guilty as the next person of sounding off. However, it is more productive to reflect on their behavior and why they might be doing it than to react to it. In the moment, reacting feels good sometimes but later, it often results in regret. (At least on my part).
(7)Life's About Choices: This is the last point, but certainly not the least. Life's about choices and, while people are always saying this, often times others are going to be judgmental about yours. You can't make everyone happy and it would exhaust you to try. Do what's right for you and your kids and just accept that people will sound off and it doesn't really matter.

A series of uncontrollable events.....

Sometimes chaos just rules. There are a million ways to phrase it: trials, troubles, drama...the list goes on and on. There are going to be times in life when you just have to wait for a difficult storm to pass. Perhaps it's a death in the family, an illness, troubles with your kids, loss of a job, or a separation/divorce. It doesn't really matter what or how big the problem seems to anyone else, it is a difficult season for you and moving forward seems like it's not even possible.
There are a number of ways that you can handle a situation like this and I would be lying if I said that I'd figured it all out. I don't know if I could figure everything about things like this out if I lived to be 100. Here is what I have learned though.....
*The chaos is going to happen. There is no one that gets to avoid it. There is no amount of luck or blessing that will make anyone avoid it. There are going to be trials and they're going to be hard...no matter what your reaction.
*No one else will be able to identify with your feelings completely. Even if the problem is similar (i.e. loss of a parent, etc), no one's situation will be exactly the same and, more than that, everyone is different emotionally. So even if that friend has lost a parent too, it doesn't mean that they will be able to identify fully. It doesn't make their efforts to help any less wonderful or heartfelt.
*It's going to hurt. Any trials in your life are going to hurt on some level or another. A loss is a loss whether it's losing a thing, a person, or anything else. It's okay to feel those feelings and allow yourself to grieve.
*Everyone grieves differently. This is probably one of the most important things that I've learned. I have noticed that people seem to have this idea, based on their own feelings, of how someone grieves a loss and if the person grieves differently, they are judged for that. Some people grieve openly and weep in the presence of anyone around. Some people grieve behind closed doors. Some people get angry and some shut down. Some sleep and some keep themselves busy. More than that, everyone's grieving timing is different. For some, it takes months and months (and sometimes longer) and for others, it seems to happen overnight. God created us differently and we grieve differently.
*Denial helps nothing at all. The more you deny, the more it will hurt in the end.
*There will always be SOMEONE who thinks that they know how to "fix you." They are just trying to help and, unless they get overwhelming, they are usually best taken with a grain of salt. When you're not in the midst of the drama, you WILL be able to see where they're coming from.
*There is nothing wrong with just allowing yourself to take cover in the face of the storm but it won't make it pass any more quickly. Often times the best solution is to put on your rain gear and just go do what you have to do.
*Prayer is the only thing that can get you through ANYTHING. Even if the answer to your prayer is "wait", there is a level of confidence that comes in knowing that God has control over your situation.

Mornings...and other stuff

For years and years, I was a morning person. I loved getting up in the mornings and woke up in an outstanding mood almost every day just as a part of who I was. Even in my teenage years, I would prefer to wake up early than to sleep in until noon. It was a beautiful thing. After having children, and as I age, I have drifted from liking to get up early and I can't function without being cranky in the morning unless I've had some coffee. My life has evolved and my habits have changed.
Now I am a firm believer in the fact that people, at their essential core, do not change. They are who they are and when they try to fight it, disaster usually follows. Some people are just born grouchy and critical. They can learn to hold their tongues but if they try to change who are by forcing themselves to be happy all the time, it ends up catching up with them. Some people are born bubbly and hyper. They can learn to calm down but essentially forcing themselves to be mellow when they're not ends up catching up with them. People can change their habits but they cannot change who they are at their essential core.
Unfortunately, the general public's obsession with celebrities has everyone trying to fit into the same mold. Everyone wants to wear what they wear, eat what they eat, and even have the same baby items when they have kids. I know women that will throw out half of their wardrobe on an annual basis because they want to be "in style." They spend a fortune buying the clothes that the celebrities wear or the clothes that are in magazines because they want to blend in. People cut their hair like celebrities, wear the same beauty products, and shape their opinions based on what celebrities say. And this works for some people.....
Over the years, I have tried a little of this and a little of that to find out who I am. I have delved deeply into books, especially self-help which is my unfortunate obsession. I have spent time learning who I am and really making decisions on what I like free of what someone else likes, what a celebrity does, or what is "expected of me." It's a constant process, as it should be for everyone, but it is only after I discovered the core essentials of who I am that I really truly became comfortable and happy with myself. That's not to say that I don't have things that I dislike, physical or otherwise, about myself. What I am saying is that there are far too many people walking around in this life unhappy with who they are because they haven't really decided who they are or what they want.
The brutal truth of the matter is this: people are who they are. Everyone was created completely unique. There are women that are strong and independent that have been labeled "bitches" and they're happy with that...it works for them. That's awesome. There are women that are more comfortable being meek and mild and they're happy with that....it works for them. That's awesome. There are are those that are funny by their very nature, those that are extraordinarily intelligent, and some (God love them) that are clueless. The same could be said for men, though the terminology may be a bit different. When people are true to who they really are, they find true happiness in all that is around them. They learn not to rely on the opinions of others to make themselves feel worthwhile. They understand that other people's criticism isn't always about jealousy and it shouldn't shape who they are.
I think that a number of things affect who we are..... when we were born (Zodiac...and no I don't live my life by my horoscope though I think they're fun to read), birth order, environmental factors (family, etc), life experiences, and so on and so forth. I think that, essentially, people are born a certain way and it is their responsibility to discover who they are and what they like on their own instead of relying on other people for it. So here is essentially who I am......
I am generally a happy person, I just am. It's irritating to some people and endearing to others but I am generally happy.
I get angry, vent and then I'm done. In general (though there have been exceptions), I get upset, say what's on my mind, and then I'm over it. It doesn't mean I've forgotten what's happened OR that I don't care about things. I just don't see any reason to hold on to the anger.
I am uber-organized. I like things in their place and clutter makes me feel chaotic. If I had my way, my entire house would probably be labeled and in bins.
I am a list-maker. This is sort of an extension of being organized. I have lists to keep track of my lists. I never pack for a vacation unless I've made a list first.
I am thrifty...or cheap if that's what you want to call it. I have to REALLY want something badly to buy it on the spot full price. I much prefer sale (or better yet CLEARANCE) and using coupons or reward points to purchase things.
I love to shop for other people. I am especially a sucker for my nieces and nephews. I would much rather buy a cute new dress for my niece than a new shirt for myself.
I speak my mind. I have a general policy that you can say anything to me if you say it with love, nicely. If there is underlying criticism, I usually see it on the spot and I might even call you on it but I believe that there is a nice, tactful way to say most anything.
I have an opinion and it's usually well-researched. If I've learned anything over the years, it's not to take someone else's word on things. If I want to know about something, I read about it from all different viewpoints and make my decision on whatever it is. If I can't read about it, I try to talk to people and find out their viewpoints.
I am critical...and by this, I don't mean that I am looking for a way to pick at you. I mean that I am constantly on a fact-finding mission. I am fascinated by psychology and why people think/do the things that they do.
I am a giant geek at heart. I love to learn and expand my knowledge base. I would sooner read non-fiction most any day (witha few exceptions) than anything else. I get excited about learning.
I am a HUGE Twilight series fans....more so of the books than the movies. Enough said.
Although I have a few set people that I admire whose opinions I take seriously, I generally take people's criticism with a grain of salt. I don't believe that it's about jealousy because there's nothing to be jealous of. I believe that it is their opinion and they are entitled to it.
I am usually looking at the bigger picture and analyzing every angle in nearly all things. I want to plan things out as best as possible to achieve the best possible goal.
I am a planner. I plan everything and it makes me nervous when people fly by the seat of their pants.
Though I adore the close friends that I have, I don't feel like I need to have a billion friends to make myself happy. My friends are like family to me and I am fiercely protective of their well-being.
I am TERRIFIED of needles. I donated blood, thinking that it would help me overcome the fear but no such luck. I get light-headed at the mere mention of a needle and I can't watch them penetrate people's skin without feeling nauseous.
I am a firm believer that prevention is better (and easier) than treating a problem. I am very conscious of my weight and bmi because of this. I want to prevent getting overweight instead of having to treat it later. I'm not obsessive and I'll eat a greasy slice of pizza without a second though....but I'm conscious of it.
I talk a good portion of my waking hours. I talk on the phone when necessary but I much prefer to email/message/text it or to say it in person.
I make an effort to accept people where they're at even if I don't agree with their decisions. There are some people in life who constantly make dumb decisions but that doesn't mean that they're dumb. I don't have to agree with someone's lifestyle in order to be happy that THEY'RE happy.
I love babies but with my kids aged 4 and above now, I don't want any more babies. I am perfectly happy to change a diaper, babysit, rock someone else's crying baby, or even help a friend through a sleepless night with a new baby BUT I'm always glad to send them back home.
I love the arts....dance, music, and art itself. I am a giant sucker for any movie based on dance or going to see recitals, musicals, or anything like it. I love nearly all types of music and I believe that there is a type of music for any mood...and exercise that idea daily by choosing the music Iisten to based on my mood.
I love nearly all things Disney. I love Disney movies and some of my best memories growing up were spent at Disney World. I don't mind the crowds and chaos of the parks because I honestly believe there's something magical about being there.
I wear a ponytail nearly all the time....out of comfort and hate for hair hanging in my eyes.
I hardly ever make it in and out of any major store without browsing through sections where I don't actually need anything. I love to window shop...period.
I have a great passion for photography and at any given moment, I usually have a camera available to capture memories....I also scrapbook for that reason.
I could go on and on.....these are just general facts but it's a stepping off point to explore who I am on a daily basis and learn more about who I am and who I want to be.

Stepping out of the boat

Life has been a roller coaster lately, to say the least and about half of the time I have felt like I'm going out of my mind just trying to keep up with my emotions. I have cried until I had no more tears. I have talked it out and prayed without ceasing. The simple fact of the matter is this....
This season of cleaning the trash out of my life has brought me to a crossroads and having my personality type makes this scary. I want to rationalize both roads and make pro and con lists. I want to figure everything out. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces. I start to doubt what I clearly hear God telling me to do because I am not seeing immediate results. I start to falter in my own mind and that makes things even harder.
Realistically, I know the outcome that is ahead of me. I know what road I am supposed to take but I am frozen in my tracks praying for God just to give me the strength to move my feet forward. I am scared. Period.
I opened my Bible this morning just searching for answers and came to the story of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking to Jesus. When he stepped out of the boat, he had perfect faith knowing that Jesus was going to keep him safe and sound. This is where I was the second that God provided me the answer to what I'm facing. The problem is that Peter started looking around at the waves and got scared...and then he started to sink. That is what I'm doing right now...I'm scared to death and I'm looking at the waves around me saying, "This just isn't possible. I can't do this." I'm starting to sink.
At the end of that story, Jesus grabs his hand and tells him that if he had kept his faith, he would have been fine (basically). Jesus rescues him from the storm. Logically I know this is what God promises and what will happen but that doesn't stop the fear from taking over.
So for now I will continue to pray without ceasing for God to just help me to keep my eyes on Jesus...to move my feet forward no matter how scary and to walk me through this storm safe and sound.

Confusing....

Sometimes things in my life are just confusing. I know that God sees the bigger picture but often times, in the midst of dealing with all that I'm dealing with, I don't understand the reasoning nor do I understand what is going on to begin with. I find myself asking God why He asked me to be somewhere or talk to someone and then have it look like it blew up in my face or went nowhere. What I'm finding though is that if I remain steadfast in my faith in God and hope for the future, things WILL work out to my advantage...it may take time but they will.

Frustration and Faith

My prayers for awhile now have been that God will clear the crap out of my life. I have prayed for Him to remove the people and things that have been causing drama and grief...the ones that are toxic to me. I have prayed for Him to make it apparent whether the wishy-washies in the middle should be in my life or not. Basically this means that I asked for Him to sweep the things/people that COULD/WILL be beneficial to me on one side and the things/people that COULD/WILL be harmeful to me on the other side. Finally, I have asked for Him to strengthen the bonds with the people that are good for me. I don't feel like I could have done this process on my own since I don't see the full picture and I tend to want to believe the best in people, almost to a fault. God has made alot of things apparent in my life that I wouldn't have otherwise seen and, for that, I am so thankful. It has reinforced my faith, though it has been painful at times.
By the same token, I have felt great deals of frustration at this process. In particular, my frustration lies when I see three things.... (A) Someone I thought was an amazing blessing in my life who turned out to be the opposite (B) Someone who I know to be a schmuck seeming to get away with murder. (C) The people who used to be schmucks trying to fix their lives and being crapped on. I don't have it in me to be angry necessarily but I am frustrated beyond belief when I see good people being treated badly and jerky people being treated like kings/queens.
When I really dug in and allowed God to settle my heart about this, I noted the following.....
(A) God sometimes allows you to travel down a rough road so that when you get to the biggest blessings, they are even more sweet to you. This is a comfort not only for the rough patches in the path that I travel but also for me watching friends and family suffer. They are being allowed to go through this because there is something AMAZING on the other side. It will be so much sweeter when we are past the obstacles and can see this amazing blessing.
(B) To quote from a movie (Diary of a Mad Black Woman) "Sometimes we try hold onto the thing that God Himself is trying to tear apart." There are some things and people that are torn from our lives because they just aren't good for us. It doesn't mean they aren't good...just not good for us. This comforts me in my own life because there are areas where it hurts to be so out of control and watch what I'VE built crumble between my fingers. I rest in knowing that God will build something far more amazing in its place. I take great solace in this while watching my friends and family struggle as well. Sometimes things have to fall apart for them to fall together.
(C) God works in MYSTERIOUS ways. God does things that I never seem to understand at the time but later end up saying, "Oh, I get it..." Sometimes waiting is part of that.
(D) God has a FUNNY sense of humor. I say this all the time about the timing of our children's births because, at the time it seemed SO overwhelming and we never planned for them to be so close together or to have four. However, now looking back, I wouldn't change a thing!
(E) God or karma or whatever you want to call it DOES come back around. Sometimes it takes awhile but it ALWAYS comes back. People that call it karma say "What goes around comes around." People that call it God's hand say "You reap what you sow." The truth is that it's all the same thing, just different names. Sometimes you DO have to face bad things and it has NOTHING to do with karma but rest assured that your positive will toward people will come back to you times one hundred.

Is there such a thing as "no regrets?"

I heard someone say recently that they live their life with no regrets because everything that has happened to them has made them who they are. I really have thought and prayed on the subject because I do feel like I regret some choices in my life. Regret, as a verb, means "to think of with a sense of loss" or "to feel sorrow or remorse for." Regret, as a noun, means " a sense of loss, disappointment, or dissatisfaction" or "a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc" (both are from dictionary.com). The fact is that I do feel like I have things in my life that I feel sorrow and remorse for. I have feelings of remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc. Let me clarify, though....
The phrase "Everything happens for a reason" could not be more true, in my own mind. I do think that things happen for a reason and that there are seasons in people's lives. I do think that "sometimes bad things happen to good people." Don't get me wrong. I am not blind to the fact that the experiences in my life taught me lessons and that some of these experiences changed my habits. That being said, I don't think that the experiences changed the core of my being.
I am a firm believer that there are a number of factors in your life that shape who you are from the date you were born to your birth order to your name and obviously environmental factors such as family life, friends, etc. I think that the essential core of your being remains the same no matter what. Christ being in your life gives you a relationship with him and gives you a passion to be more like Him but essentially you still have to battle your bad habits one at a time (though with God's hand, it's much easier). I don't think there is much that affects your essential makeup because God created you a certain way and He doesn't make mistakes. I believe that some people are more shy than others by nature. You can change their habits but you can't change their essential make up. I believe that some people are outspoken. They can learn to shape their habits, but their desire to be outspoken will never change. I honestly don't believe that people's essential makeups change....only their habits.
So, getting back to my original question, I don't think that the experiences in my life made me who I am. I think they changed my habits...they made me appreciate certain things more, they made me more frugal, they made me more conscious of certain things, and so on and so forth. Big events let me know who my "real friends" were and how I should expect people to react in a crisis. Ultimately, though, it gave me knowledge and changed my habits, but not me. I don't believe that people have reset buttons. I don't believe that you can just flip a switch and make them something that they're not. They still have the same desires and passions...they just learn what to do with them (good or bad).
There are people that I regret hurting in my life, through words or actions. There are people that I regret felt hurt by situations that I watched. There are people that I have let corrupt my life for longer than they should have. There are people that I should have fought harder to keep in my life and there are people that I should have told to go pack sand. The fact is that I regret the way that I treated some people (good or bad) and how I let people treat me sometimes. The fact is that I regret some of my decisions and that I would change them if I could. The fact is that I do experience sorrow over some of the choices that I've made. I don't believe that there are honestly people that have no regrets. I believe that it is something that people tell themselves to make their minds feel at ease. Regrets are okay if you learn from them and God is a God of second chances. You may have a chance to remedy those regrets.

Mission Impossible

In the past month and a half, God has put some amazing things on my heart but when I look at the mountains that are ahead, I think that it is an impossible mission. I feel like this is something that will live in my dreams and never find a way to turn into actual solid matter, so to speak. In short, I am doubting my ability to have enough faith to keep praying, even when it looks like it will never happen.
Though the story of the Moses is a great one to read for encouragement, it discourages me in that I don't want to wait 40 years for the changes in my life to finally become a reality. I think of Abraham and Sarah waiting on a baby and I think, "Gosh I don't want to be old and gray." I do believe in God's perfect timing but it doesn't make it any easier to wait, even with the level of patience that I have been given by God. So what do I do in the meantime.....
(1) Pray-Pray as hard as I can as often as I can. Pray for the miracles God has put before me to happen but pray also for God to rest my mind and help me to continue to have hope.
(2) Play - Play with my kids...keep myself busy. Work out, whatever I can do to have fun and keep my mind occupied.
(3) Take it one day at a time. I allow myself time to reflect on the dreams that God has put on my heart but I remember that it is going to be His timing no matter what. My anxiety won't help and I have to focus on the day at hand.

Accepting the Inevitable

I am a big believer in God's ability to make miracles happen. In fact, I believe that He orchestrates things perfectly in our lives. With that belief, however, comes the reality that sometimes He's going to allow things to be cleansed from your life that just aren't good for you. Sometimes it's a habit. Sometimes it's a thing that is taking up too much of your time. Sometimes it's a person. People are the hardest.
As much patience as God has allowed me to learn, I have very little tolerance for losing things in my life. I have little tolerance for feeling like I've failed at my friendships and relationships with people. The fact is that sometimes letting go of someone isn't about failing; it's about being strong enough to end the friendship while there is still a friendship to end. It's about maintaining civility sometimes and remembering that God calls us to be peacemakers. Sometimes, as much as it feels like you've done something wrong, God just knows what's best in the situation. He simply asks that you accept the inevitable and move forward. He asks that you keep moving down His path and trust Him to lead you to something better than what you had before. Maybe, down the line, He'll bring that person back into your life. Maybe He won't. The fact is that your reliance is on Him, not a person, thing or habit.
Knowing all this rationally doesn't stop me from kicking and screaming every time I have to face a loss in my life. I kick and scream because I don't want to fail. I kick and scream because I'm scared of the big changes and I know that it's gonna be hard. God never promised us that life would be easy. He simply promised that if we rested in His arms, we would find peace.

How much is too much?

One of my goals for the year was to weed the people and things out of my life that cause chaos and grief. I literally disciplined myself to prayerfully look at each and every person and thing in my life, no matter how big or small my contact with them was, and to question everything and everyone. I questioned whether or not they were helpful, harmful or neutral. If they were neutral, I tried to push a step further and see if I could either make them a friend or see that it was not meant to be. If they were harmful, I respectfully but firmly ended the relationship leaving an open door if the drama ever stopped. Alot of these were relatively easy and I could see the harm overtaking the positive. Some of these relationships, however, were and continue to be extremely difficult to let go of. My question becomes this: How much is too much to allow in your life?
The Bible is hard to read on this. It says in no uncertain terms in the Bible to avoid constantly being in the company of fools. It says in no uncertain terms that you should guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Then, other verses point out that if your enemy strikes you on one cheek, you should turn the other and let them strike it as well. It points out that it is not the well that need the doctor but the sick. It points out that forgiveness is of the utmost importance. So how much is too much to let a person continue to hurt you?
My conclusions are relatively simple.....
*Forgiveness does not mean re-inviting that person into your life. Prayer leads the way in someone that has hurt you. Anger and un-forgiveness in your heart leads to a festering boil on your heart. It's what you have to live with. Search the motives of the person you are forgiving and then search your own. Sometimes patience and perseverance are going to be keys.
*Though you should always be seeking to share God's Word with people, there should be a stable support system in your life that is NOT made up of a bunch of idiots. There should be people there that will listen, give sound advice and support you in your decision.
*The turn the other cheek advice is only listed for your enemy and enemy is a strong word meaning "adversary." There are not many in most people's lives that are actual enemies. I believe that this refers more to overcoming what the enemy throws at you and letting them know that you have God on your side and you're NOT backing down. Instead of using anger and violence, you should use peace.
*When all else fails and you can't figure out what you should do based on differing verses in the Bible, prayer will always give you the answer. God sees the whole picture and He will provide whatever the circumstances. He is the maker of all things.
So how much is too much? It's a matter of circumstance, I think.

Are we too easy?

I've recently been a little frustrated at the me-me-me in my household as well as in society in general. My generation is known as the "Me Generation" and it is NOT something that I'm proud of at all. I was raised from the generation of baby boomers who wanted to give me more than they had and until the age of about fifteen, I was given the very best material things all of the time, no question. I was given great opportunities, went on great vacations, and so on and so forth. At fifteen, I was given a jolt when my parents divorced and we could no longer afford the best. Through a series of circumstances, I was introduced to a vastly different lifestyle where working as soon as I turned sixteen was essential and where I had to choose between this or that. This is a lesson I loathed at the time but love as a grown woman because it taught me so many lessons that I wouldn't have gotten elsewhere including (but not limited to) work ethic, doing your job even if you don't like someone or the job itself, how to handle money, how to manage time, organizational skills, and balancing between wants and needs.
As a preschool teacher, nanny, and now a mother, I am often confused by the balance between too much responsibility and too little on our kids. Our teen pregnancy rate is higher than it was when I was a child. Our juvenile hall numbers are staggering. There are alot more kids walking around with attitudes towards their parents and any other authority figure. Don't get me wrong; there are alot of kids who are turning out great but there are alot who are also spinning out of control. While I believe in every parent's right to choose how to parent their children, I also think that there are alot of parents that raise their children feeling guilty and entitled. I watch and wonder what the difference is between one parent's job and another's.
The last thing is this world that I want is my kids living with me forever telling me what to cook them for breakfast and never reaching their full potential. The fact is that I want my children to be independent and thriving. I am often criticized for making the kids contribute to our household through age-appropriate chores because I should "let them be kids." The fact is that they are allowed abundant time to play and carry on, but they need to learn at a young age that responsibility is just part of life. Fifteen minutes of chores is not too much to ask them. I am criticized for asking the older ones to help the younger ones but I believe that service is something that SHOULD be taught. Helping someone out is not a bad thing. YES, my children are daily moving towards independence and I love that. They are moving towards understanding a work ethic and learning how to work as a team and I love that. We are starting to focus on being charitable and putting others' needs first and I love that. I am looking at the bigger picture and what these lessons will teach them down the road. I am looking at how I want them to turn out and what I want them to remember from their childhood. There are going to be bumps in the road and mistakes but, by golly, I want them to learn to be healthy, respectful, productive members of society that know how to think for themselves and respect their bodies, souls, and minds.
I think if there were a few more people who though less of me-me-me, we might have a somewhat more productive world.

Fighting

In the wake of a special committee assigned by the school board to research the best options, the elementary school that my kids attend is closing. Though there was a series of meetings that were held and open to the public previous to this decision, all of the sudden parents from my school are coming out swinging and accusing the school board of having an "iron fist" and being unjust. The whole argument seems to have become an us against them argument and I'm watching it from the sidelines in awe.
I'm not going to lie; I have not been happy with the level of education that the school has offered. On top of this, I have had my issues. I used my voice before a decision was made to voice my opinion and made my thoughts stand out when I had the opportunity. This, to me, seems like the equivalent of people throwing their children into the ocean to swim against the warnings of the lifeguards saying that there is a rip tide and ignoring the children, then getting mad at the lifeguards when the children get into trouble. The fact is that the school board didn't make the decision without thought, research and ample opportunity for people to have their voices heard. In the end, the decision was made that their school was the best choice to have close in terms of budget, scores, etc. The fact is that SOMEONE was going to end up mad about this but it is flooring me how quickly these parents are going for the jugular and trying to attack these people, not even close to what has to do with the topics at hand. They aren't looking at what's best for the district; they are mad because their children will have to switch schools.
While I am happy to see people get passionate about something because I believe that our culture has a real habit of being sort of lazy on some counts, I am astounded that people waited until the vote was cast BEFORE getting involved. I equate that with not voting in an election and then complaining about the chosen candidates.
In short, I think that people need to aim their focus on making this as easy a transition as possible on their kids. If the school closes, it's not the end of the world as we know it. It doesn't impede on their ability to have their kids in a good school, etc. What it means is change....and change is hard. I just wonder when people stopped making this argument about what was best for ALL the kids and started making it about what was best for their own? When did our culture become so selfish as to have this me-me-me mentality? It's frightening where our nation and our community is headed at this rate.

Inspiring...and so true

I read a quote this morning that inspired me and it actually describes the mission that I am on in my own life. Abraham Lincoln said the following: "I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, stand by him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong." This philosophy has become somewhat of a mission in my own life. I have bound myself to learning as much as possible from as many points of view as possible about history, culture, religion, and so on and so forth. I aim, as much as possible, to keep an open mind while learning and to form opinions based on what I believe to be right and true. Sometimes I agree with people and sometimes I disagree, but I make it a point to try (whenever possible) to avoid getting into arguments with people that will resort to character assassination instead of sticking to the issues. I want to learn but I want to learn in an environment that promotes a healthy, sound mind.
This quote describes my mission because it is a philosophy, in short, of how our nation once was. There was a time when not everyone got a trophy. The winners got a trophy, the losers (and yes they were allowed to be called this before politically correct lingo) got a pat on the back and a "nice try." The word "loser" has become taboo but the fact is that the definition of the word is not an attacking definition. "Loser" simply means " a contestant who loses the contest." Like so many other words, it is not the word itself that is problem, it is the intent with which it is spoken. There was a time at which we didn't have to be politically correct and it was okay to use these types of words. There was a time when our nation was great.
Now don't read into this and think that I'm a hate-monger because I shun politically correct terms. I don't shun them all. I am all for protecting the more "politically correct" terms when it comes to race, religion, and so on. I believe that when words are spoken in love, it is the intent that matters. When words are spoken out of hatred, anger, and frustration, it is also the intent that matters.
What this quote comes down to, for me, is doing the very best that you can do to make yourself, your community, and your nation better. It doesn't matter what your job is, do it to the best of your ability. It doesn't matter if you're married or unmarried, live whatever life you have with passion for the things that matter. It doesn't matter if you are childless, an adoptive parent, a biological parent, or a foster parent. It doesn't matter if you have one children or one hundred, live your life with a passion for what matters. When we started giving everyone the trophy, people quit trying to do their best just to do their best because they were getting an award anyway. I am striving, in my own life, to get back to being the best that I can be for me and to glorify God. I am choosing to make my own path even if it means that some of my friends and family walk away. I am choosing to make my own path toward a goal of closer relationship with God and finding my true purpose in life and then living that purpose with passion.

Waiting....

I have to say that I am definitely experienced in the art of patience. I do not say that in a proud way, nor do I say that in a way that necessitates addition experience. I am patient because I must be, not because I choose to be. I am more patient than some and less patient than others. When it comes to the things and people in life that I am passionate about, it is twenty times harder to be patient than if it is something that I care very little about. All of this being said, I read a very interesting blog post today on Bible.org written by Bob Deffinbaugh. The article was entitled "Waiting on the Lord." It definitely caught my eye.
Bob speaks of passages from 2 Samuel 1 that tell the story of David. The post is definitely worth a read but I won't reiterate the details as one particular part was the part that caught my eye (though I would recommend reading it). Toward the end of the article, he actually covers SOME of the cases in which God allows a waiting period
(1) Abraham and Sarai promised a son and then waiting 25 years to get him.
(2) The long wait from Noah being told about the flood until the actual flood occurred.
(3) Jacob waiting 14 years for the wife he wanted.
(4)Joseph waiting to see his friends and family
(5) The Israelites waiting 430 years before making it into the Promised Land
For the sake of my writing, I'll concentrate just on these (though there are more listed). As I actually read through these stories again, I noticed something. In all of these cases, God brought about His promise no matter what. The difference was more in the activities that took place during the waiting. Some of them were more patient than others. Some used their time wisely (at the risk of sounding like a third grade teacher) and others wasted their time being angry and frustrated. The fact is that the promise occurred no matter what the reaction was but those that were patient and endured scrutiny during that time seemed (in my opinion) to enjoy the blessing significantly more and longer.
Living in a society of fast food, quick check out lanes at Walmart, and high speed internet, I sometimes forget that patience is actually a virtue. A virtue is defined as "moral excellence and righteousness." In short, virtues have to be worked at and the key way to work towards those is prayer and drawing closer in your relationship with Christ. Patience is something that MUST be worked at whether you are going through a big trial or a small one. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit but that doesn't mean that there is no work involved. You have to draw yourself closer to Christ through prayer and relationship with Him in order to truly live in the Spirit. You have to work at it. Sometimes you're going to have to grit your teeth and exercise that patient when you least desire to (an example of self-control). This helps to build your patience, too, but ultimately growing closer to Christ and letting Him work in you is where the patience will come from. But I digress....
In my own personal experiences, currently, I am practicing the art of distraction. When I start to panic or get too worked up over the things that are happening in my life that I can't control, I pray. When I start to overthink things, I pray. When I start feeling increasingly impatient, I pray. When people start criticizing and character assassinating, I pray. Quite honestly, I spend a good portion of every day praying to my Abba. I pray for God to lead me to hold my tongue when I need to. I pray for God to help me through things. I pray and pray and pray.

At what point....

I have spent the past several days simply observing the way that people behave. To anyone that knows me, this isn't unusual. I am a people watcher. I like to know how people think and watch how they interact with others. It's a pure fascination to me. I love to talk to people with different viewpoints, different cultural backgrounds, different family lives, and so on. I think that learning about people makes you more open-minded to how many wonderful and different ways there are to live life.
With that being said, I have observed and continue to observe the outright character assassination that seems to be an epidemic today. For the sake of this entry, I'm going to create a fictional character that I call "Bob." Now, "Bob" has very particular opinions on politics, religions, God, and many other things. Bob meets "Fred" (another fictional character) and starts a discussion, finding very quickly that Fred's opinions are quite different from his own. The tendency I observe more and more is that Bob then launches a character assault on Fred. He attacks Fred's personal life, any mistake that he's ever made, and automatically disregards ANYTHING that Fred says. In retaliation, Fred launches a character assault on Bob and the cycle just keeps continuing on. It's an absolute epidemic.
Listen, I have very real, very researched opinions on nearly all areas of my life. Sometimes those opinions change BECAUSE of listening to people who have different opinions. Sometimes they change because of researching and really reading up on things. Sometimes my opinions become stronger because of these things. Nevertheless, whatever those opinions are, they are my opinions. I shouldn't claim that my opinions are the absolute (the very definition of opinion says that it is NOT proven fact), nor should anyone else. Differences of opinion are a beautiful thing; debate is a beautiful thing. Being able to discuss things between people and share our differences and, in some cases, agree to disagree is a beautiful thing. I am bugged to the ends of the earth by character assassinations...it's tireless!
I feel that it is a real mistake for us to disregard people's opinions, as well, just because we don't agree with something they have said in the past. Just because I don't care for "Bob's" ideas on politics doesn't mean that if he says brush fires start when you play with matches in dry, wooded areas, I shouldn't listen. The fact is that opinions are there for you to listen to or observe and then read up/research information and find your OWN opinion on things. Sometimes, you will agree. Sometimes you will blatantly disagree, but I don't think that shutting people out completely is the solution. I am a firm believer that knowledge is power and when you shut out the opinions of others just because you disagree, you are shutting out your ability to gain knowledge and giving away your power.
At what point do we take a stand and say, "I will NOT be a part of picking on someone's personal characteristics because I don't agree with them"? At what point do we stop trying to shut people up because we don't like what they're saying. At what point do we accept what REAL freedom of speech means but still remember that just because you have the ability to exercise that right, there are times when it is inappropriate. I am all for letting your voice be heard, believe me. I am an advocate for free speech and the Constitution but our founding fathers would be mortified at how much time and attention a great deal of the people I've observed spend worrying about someone's weight, shoes, or religious preference instead of what the subject of their discussion is. They would be mortified to see how some people (including a large portion of the media, in my opinion) sit in wait to pounce on those that make a slip of the tongue or voice "the wrong" opinion. At what point do we stand up and say, "No more"?

What do You do?

What do you do when you're watching someone you love make decisions, over and over, that you know will impact them negatively? Do you beg, plead, or just pray your way through it? Judging from my current experiences, I would say that you have to pray your way through it. I am dealing with a stubborn person who doesn't want to listen and decisions are becoming an argument when we let them. The problem is that, unfortunately, it would make no difference what I said...their decision would be the same.
I prayed hard about this over the past week or two and God has just layed on my heart to be patient (as much as possible) and to pray over their decisions and their stubbornness. God has a way of letting you know what He wants and His voice will be heard.

The Baby is Four Now!

Today is a milestone in our family life...our baby is four years old. That means that we are officially out of the baby and toddler phase of our life and entering full force into all of the kids being at least preschool aged. It's exciting and yet I'm scared to death. For me, it means facing alot of the unknown. Most of my experience lies with babies/toddlers and preschoolers. Getting into the ages that contain double digits scares the crap out of me. It's exciting, but scary....like most things in life.
I thought it would be fun to reflect a bit on the kids' births and what makes them them....
Alyssa was born in the relatively cold of a Georgia January. Having had some pre-term labor issues but nothing serious, I wasn't sure if I'd ever know what real labor felt like. She was due on my Mom or Sister's birthdays (February 4/5) and ended up being born a little less than a week before. My water broke while I was talking to Dan (who was in the tub) and I had A TON of fluid. I had to have Pitocin and was in labor for 12 hours. She was born early in the morning and was absolutely stunning with a thick head of dark hair (that turned curly within a month or two) and beautiful blue eyes with perfect coloring. From the day she was born, she was relatively independent and that's one of her defining characteristics now. She is independent, strong-willed, and a born leader. She is nurturing and has a kind heart. She loves her "baby sister" and loves to try new things. She's very girly and very into reading and art.
Anthony was a completely different story. After suffering a miscarriage, I had a scary first few months of pregnancy with Anthony but the pregnancy itself went smoothly (especially having a toddler at the time just over a year old). He was born two weeks early after I went in for a routine doctor check and found out I was leaking fluid. I had Pitocin with him too and he was an eleven hour labor being born in the middle of the night. His labor nurse was AWESOME and brought me in ice cream for my little fridge in the labor suite (her name was Leah...I actually still remember that). From birth, he was super laid back. He's very sensitive and has a kind, loving heart. He loves to encourage people and has a great sense of humor. He's very smart and loves to learn new things, especially those that challenge his intellect.
Daniel Andrew was a challenging pregnancy and a challenging labor. About the time I started recovering from severe morning sickness, I started experiencing even more severe heartburn and reflux and suffered until his birth. I delivered Daniel three weeks early after my water broke at home in the middle of the night. He was my only afternoon delivery and he was ornery from the moment he was born. The nurses actually ASKED to give him a pacifier because he couldn't quit screaming. He had a hard time passing bowel movements and once he did, he was a little better while at the hospital. He was a grouchy, colicky baby that wasn't nearly as smiley as the two before him and barely spoke for the first two years. At 2 1/2, though, it was like someone flipped a switch and he started speaking in sentences and became a mellow, relatively happy little man. He gets a little more social every day and is super sweet. He's a cuddle bug but he is "all boy." He wants to run, jump, and climb on everything in sight and he loves to poke other people to get under their skin. He is argumentative by nature but is very smart, smart enough to back up his arguments.
Sydney was a diva from birth. She was a relatively simple pregnancy until the last two weeks before I had her when I started experiencing MAJOR labor symptoms but wouldn't dilate. My contractions were crazy hard but they wouldn't do anything. I had keytones in my urine, threw up everything I ate and was getting majorly dehydrated but the new doctor's office wouldn't do anything for me. Finally, one night after Dan took Nyquil for a cold, I started experiencing SUPER hard contractions. I showered and labored at home for as long as I could and finally we woke the kids to go to the neighbors house and made it to the hospital where I was 7 cm dilated. Long story short, they had to hold her in because the doctor took so long to get there and finally moments before he came in, my water sac exploded on the nurse and he whizzed in right after and delivered her. Contrary to my previous 7 lbs __ oz babies, she was 8 lbs 10 oz...a right round chunker but as beautiful as can be. She knew what she wanted and how she wanted it from birth and still does. She refuses to let anyone tell her how things have to be done and though she follows the rules, she's been known to try to charm her way out of just about anything. She is completely unique from any other child I've ever met and is a spitfire ball of personality....it's crazy sometimes how funny she can be and some of the things that come out of her mouth. She charms everyone with her silly ways and her adorable little smile.
We've been asked at least 100 times if we plan on having any more. The answer to that is that we don't. We didn't plan any of our children but we have our hands full with the four that we've got and we have no plans (and have in fact taken measures to prevent pregnancy with Dan's surgery) on having any more. We DEFINITELY believe that all children are a blessing but we also feel like we are going to take care of the four we've got and that God's boundaries are limitless. If He wants us to have more, He will facilitate that with or without our help. I am not a happy pregnant woman and having a newborn at this point would be FAR too big a hand full. We have a nice, fairly large family with four beautiful, amazing children and we want to give them opportunities to fully explore the world around them and have plenty of one-on-one attention from Mommy and Daddy. We look forward to watching them learn and grow. It's awesome! God is amazing!

Taking it personally

A long time ago, a pastor's wife told me that I was too concerned about other people's reactions to things. She told me that I can only be responsible for my efforts and my actions; not for other people's reactions. It was some of the best advice I've ever received.
Through years of issues with family, friends, and all that comes with being human, I have nearly always been concerned with other people's reactions. If I bought what I considered to be the perfect gift for someone and they merely shoved it aside, it broke my heart. If I put alot of time and effort into writing someone a thoughtful note and they didn't care much, it broke my heart. I was so concerned with that reaction that it was killing me emotionally. I didn't want to hear the words, mind you; I wanted for them to share in that excitement that I felt in doing something good for them.
After that mentor told me those words, I had to re-think my approach to things. I started focusing alot of my attention on making sure to not expect any reaction when I gave a gift or did something for someone. It was definitely hard, at first, but it got easier and it was a very pleasant surprise when I did encounter someone who was extra excited. In doing so, though, I also had to focus my attention on my own reaction to doing something. I learned, very quickly, that God allows US to feel that excitement when we do something nice for others because it is the only reaction we need: a sign that God is pleased with our behavior. It definitely helped me through the process.
I also found myself being more thoughtful of the trials in my life. If I lost someone that I loved, I had to thank God for the time we had together, grateful for that time and knowing that God would not allow such a change if it wasn't best for me. If I felt lonely, I had to thank God for giving me that time alone and asking Him what it is that I should be focusing on. In doing so, I am beginning to shift the pessimism that has been haunting me for years now into optimism. I am learning to appreciate things differently and, in some cases, more than ever before. It is difficult and it's a road with alot of stumbling blocks but I'm working on it little by little and I thank God for that opportunity.

Its Fundamental Purpose

While at church on Sunday, I heard a great phrase that spoke to my heart. Our pastor, speaking about sharing the gospel of Christ with others, said that "a light, by its very nature, wants to shine and when you cover the light, it is not serving its fundamental purpose." Being the geek that I am (and proud of it, frankly), I looked up the word "fundamental" in the dictionary when I got home. The first meaning says "serving as, or being an essential part of, a foundation or basis." This, to me, was mind-boggling. We, as Christians, are called to share the gospel of Christ but it is not just something we're asked to do.....it's it an essential part of our make up. It is the foundation of our Christian DNA.
The sermon spoke alot on how we should share what we've learned about Christ. The great thing about it is that it's NOT a "you must be an expert" kind of sharing. Knowing about Christ and sharing about His great gift to us is a "learn as you go" experience. God will provide the words to you in the time that you need them. God will provide every answer that you need when you're sharing His word. The best thing of all, though, is that God provides us with the ultimate resource to look to when we're uncertain about an answer....The Bible. He provided us a book (with many translations) and thousands of wonderful books written by amazing Christian authors to guide us through his word. He provides us answers to our big decisions, our crises, and so on and so forth.
I take this a step further, though, and say that we should practice this same thought process as Americans. Our nation was founded on the principles described in the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Our history textbooks (and the like) have been tainted by those that don't want us to know about the "bad events" in our history because they want to convince us that the government can (and always has) resolved all of our issues. I do think that the government plays its part but I also think that our nation was founded by people who understood real freedom. They understood that "We the People" should have the final word on decisions instead of "We the Government." We elect our officials who are making choices, good and bad, to govern our state and our country but the fact is that we have a voice. I would be defeating my fundamental purpose as an American if I didn't say to read up on history, real history. Read about the mistakes our country (and other countries) have made in the past. We are a nation based on freedom and more of our freedoms slip away daily. Let your voice be heard.
I would ultimately say that I am starting to understand my fundamental purpose a little more every day. I am trying to read and learn from my Bible, real history research, and so on and so forth. I am thankful for every single lesson God has taught me and for the men and women that have worked so hard to make our country great. We can be great again and our nation can be great.

Silence is NOT always golden

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -Martin Luther King, Jr.
There is more absolute truth in this sentence than nearly any other sentence (outside of the Bible itself) that I have ever read. I often repeat the statement "Knowledge is power." I honestly believe that when you learn as much as you can about something, it not only gives you a passion for it (which gives you the ability to defend your opinion) but it also gives you knowledge to make the right choice. That knowledge gives you power to speak the truth to others and to share what you know. Whether or not someone chooses to listen is purely their decision and their right to decide upon, but sharing the knowledge that you've acquired and hearing other people's point of views on a topic gives you even more knowledge and, thus, the power that goes along with it. I think that listening to a variety of people's opinions and forming your own opinion by reading and researching gives you a beautiful form of knowledge and empowers you.
With that being said, that knowledge does you no good unless you stand up for what you believe in. I have made the mistake too many times in my past of not standing in the gap for those that I love. I have stood by and watched people step on those I love out of fear but God has truly transformed my heart and given me strength. Silence is not golden when it involves hurting someone that you love by not standing in the gap for them when they are weak.
In closing today, I want to say the following....I believe that the "fundamental transformation of America" that our current President speaks of is a scary transition that we should all be cautious of. I, personally, want no place in Socialism or the Progressive movement and the direction this nation is going steers closer to these things daily. Educate yourself on the Progressive movement. Don't let your representatives and senators speak for you...you have a voice, use it. Stand up for what you believe in. Educate yourself on what is going on in this nation so history doesn't repeat itself. One voice in a million doesn't make a loud noise but when we, as Americans, stand together, we bridge the gap and we can take back our nation from the big government.

Little Things

It is forever entertaining me how some of the smallest things earn the phrase, "Wow! Cool!" from my kids. I have heard, "You're the best mom in the whole world!" for what I consider to the be the tiniest of accomplishments. Most recently, I heard that phrase for buying a shaker of cinnamon/sugar (which, by the way, was so I could reuse the shaker with my own cinnamon sugar) that looked like a giraffe. Sounds of amazement made their way into my bedroom where I was folding clothes as the kids shook the cinnamon sugar on from the yellow spotted shaker and then I heard it: "You're the best mom in the whole world. Thank you, Mommy." I smiled to myself and continued folding. Then it hit me....
Newton's law: "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." That means that if they can get excited over something small, they can also be devastated in the same manner. My heart was humbled to think of times, especially in my early years of marriage, when I would tell the children that I was busy at that moment. Sometimes, it was something small such as showing me, in detail, a picture they'd drawn. Sometimes, it was telling me a story that they'd made up. It could have been anything but, at that moment, I was too busy to hear or see it. I think that everyone does it once in awhile and I'm just as guilty as the next person, for sure.
It came to mind how devastated I am when I'm trying to tell a loved one about something I'm passionate about and they ignore me. One of the phrases that I utter most to my beloved husband is, "I don't like being ignored." (To be fair, I talk alot so he must implement selective hearing.) The fact is that NO ONE likes feeling like they're being overlooked, ignored, or pushed aside. No one likes to hear, "Not right now...I'm busy." No one. The fact is that children don't have an adult understanding of situations...they don't understand that "I'm busy right now" doesn't mean, "I don't care." In fact, a large portion of children (and adults, for that matter) take "Not now, I'm busy" to mean "I don't care." Really think about it and you might just agree.
That being said, I am a problem-solver by nature. What is it that I could do or say to fix this problem in my own life and in my own household....
(1) Unless I am doing something that is absolutely dire, take the time to look/listen to what they're saying/doing. The fact is that they're only small for so long and I want to drink in the moments that they actually want to talk to me and show me things before they age into teenagers and eventually adults. Most of the time, I can stop scrubbing a floor or stirring dinner for a minute to look at their picture.
(2) Try to eliminate the phrase "Not right now, I'm busy." In its place (when I'm UNABLE, not unwilling, to look/listen), give an appropriate time span I will be able to look/listen. For example, if I am really in the middle of something that can't wait, I can say, "I am right in the middle of this BUT if you let me finish this one thing, you can tell me about the picture. Give me five minutes." I learned the lesson, though, that I'd better stick to my guns on that time limit because they are watching the clock.
(3) Try to put off tasks that CAN wait until they're down for a nap or in bed and develop a routine for them to follow when I have to handle something while they're awake. For example, my kids suddenly turn into a group of crazy monkeys when Mommy's on the phone. Sometimes, a phone call is necessary during the day and I need some semblance of quiet for it. I have found, in my own household, that if I give them appropriate warning that I need quiet for a certain amount of minutes, they work with me alot more. They find it difficult to be quiet for unknown periods of time but if they know that I'll be done in about ten minutes, they can usually keep themselves contained.
(4) Set aside a time of day for "show and tell." I have actually set aside a 25 minute period of time for each of the kids (which occasionally gets shifted if things get too hectic but is there 90% of the time). During that time, they have my complete attention. They can show me artwork from school, tell me a story, or we can read books together. Unless someone else is bleeding or on fire, though, that child has my complete attention. After having this implemented for a little while, the other kids are usually good about staying quiet because they want the same thing while they have THEIR turn. My general rule is that we switch off nightly who goes first, when it's not your turn you should be picking out what you want to do quietly, and you shouldn't interrupt on someone else's turn unless it's dire. I've noticed a HUGE behavioral change in my kids during this time and with how they interact with each other. Believe me, I don't pretend to understand it; I simply observe it. I can't say that it would work for everyone but I know it's worked for my kids.
I guess what I reflect on most in this is that they're small for only so long and I want to cherish those moments with them and make them as special as possible. I know I have to discipline them, and I do take care of that, but I would like to make the good times count and give them memories that speak to the fact that "Mommy always had time for them."

Appreciation and Revenge

I have really had a couple of things on my heart very strongly lately: appreciation and revenge. They are two completely different topics and yet both apply to so many situations and can be tied together by the common threads of compassion and faith. Stay with me. Here goes....
Appreciation actually has 6 listed definitions in the dictionary and (bear with me), I'm listing all six of them: (1) gratitude; thankful recognition (2) the act of estimating the quality of things and giving them their proper value (3) clear perception and recognition (4) an increase or rise in the value or property, goods, etc (5) critical notice; evaluation; opinion, as of a situation, person, etc (6) a critique or evalution, especially when favorable. I'll bet you had no idea that there were this many definitions for appreciation. I know that I didn't. I was actually amazed at just how much there really is to appreciation when God laid this on my heart and I really started to look into it. Ironically, this clearly defines a plan of action for us to use for the act of appreciation. I can honestly say the the effort to use all six definitions will make you look at things much differently and really humble you in many circumstances.
Appreciation is gratitude (or more simply put), thankful recognition. You don't have to wait until someone actually completes a task to be thankful for their efforts. In fact, sometimes appreciation during the process is actually encouragement for them to finish the project or try again on a failed project. Appreciation should be showed for effort and not just results. Thankful recognition indicates not just a notice that someone is working on the task (aka "Oh I see you're working on the tile.") but a genuine "thank you" for the task. I can also add that making it personal makes all the difference. (aka. "Thank you for working on the tile. I really appreciate the time you're spending.")
Appreciation is also defined as "the act of estimating things and giving them their proper value. " Our country is a country where people (myself included) have a tendency to feel entitled. We tend to think that just because we live here, do this, have this, etc we are automatically entitled to things and priviliges. This mindset definitely makes truly appreciating something more difficult. The second definition pushes you to really look at the act that was done. Really look at the amount of time, effort, and resources that were used and DON'T CRITIQUE IT. Remember the first definition...thankful recognition. It means that you don't give someone a "thank you, but..." The other part of the definition is to give the act its proper value. My heart tells me that this would involve really recognizing their time, effort, and resources not only in your own heart but by adding a "I really appreciate it" after your thanks.
"Clear perception and recognition" is a short and sweet, to-the-point definition. You should truly make the effort to look at someone's act of kindness, etc through an open mind and look at their motives in a positive light. This is especially difficult with someone that you have a history with but it can be achieved with the right mindset. Sometimes, it involves actually speaking those positive qualities about the person into the light and looking at the act of kindness again to realize that you might have a negative bias. (Believe me, this is speaking from personal experience so I'm not passing judgement at all).
"An increase or rise in the value of property, goods." While this actually is referring to "things", I believe that is should apply to the way that we view someone's spirit when they try to do something nice for us. I'm not saying that we should discard those that don't do things for us, by any stretch of the imagination but true appreciation should be shown to the people that try to help us through words or deeds. It should increase their value in our life and we should let them know that as often as possible. This actually goes hand in hand with the fifth and sixth definitions, in my humble opinion.
In closing on this topic, I want to share what has come over my heart in learning about appreciation:
(1) Showing others true appreciation before ("Thank you for setting time aside to work on that"), during ("I appreciate you working on this so much. I know it's taking time out of your day and I'm so thankful."), and after ("Thank you so much for doing that task for me. It was such a relief to have it done and I'm so thankful for you putting your time, effort, and resources into it.") is a very important key to appreciation.
(2) Being specific about what details you are thankful for makes all the difference sometimes. Really looking at every aspect with an open mind of how much someone invests in doing even the smallest tasks helps with this process.
(3) True appreciation means putting aside your biases and (in some cases) your very nature to criticize or feel entitled and honoring that person with your words.
(4) Knowing that people often don't know how to express true appreciation means understanding that, although you know how to thank them, they might not be as thankful and appreciative to you. It is important to learn not to expect a "thank you" but to know that God sees your good deeds and He will reward you in the long run.
....Still with me? Okay well the common thread between my two topics is "compassion and faith." I truly believe that a heart of compassion and faith in God can lead you to help show your appreciation. I believe that truly praying for God to allow you to see someone through His eyes will blow the criticism out of your mind and heart and make room for the love that He asks us to show each other. I know He is doing that with me constantly right now and I am prayerfully accepting it with true appreciation to Him.
This commonly ties to the last topic, revenge, and what God has shown me about that very strongly. It is no secret that I have had some family issues in the past few years and it has been a long, strenous road for everyone involved. God is working His will little by little but it is certainly a lesson in patience. This lesson is affecting every area of my life and I've really had to take stock and reassess my life. I've truly had to look at my life and find the people who form my support system, the people who are somewhat neutral in my life, and the people who are doing harm. It has meant cutting ties with some people and showing more appreciation to others. But I digress....
God has shown me, in no uncertain terms, that a heart of vengeance will poison you. Ultimately, your own hatred and anger at someone else only hurts you. The other person is largely unaffected by your anger, moves of vengeance, and so on and so forth. This is easier said than done though, especially when you've been really hurt by someone you love. Ultimately, God can heal that pain if you're truly willing to let it go. He won't bend free will and He certainly won't send down His wrath upon someone who's done you wrong but He can heal your heart and take that pain away from you. You won't forget it but you will forgive it. You won't live with that pain in your life every day when it is replace by His strong, unyielding love.
He has also shown me that He sees every tear that you cry, hurts when you hurt and knows when your aching from the inside out. You can call it "karma", "what goes around comes around," or my personal favorite, a "godsmack" (not my made-up word...it's a borrowed word) but what people do comes back to them, especially when they're unrepentant. The choices that others make to intentionally wound someone's spirit or physical body do come back to haunt them and they have to face up to their choices. There is a verse that tells you, "Vengeance is mine, says the Lord." As soon as I feel the urge to act on a vengeant heart, I make a point to pray about it and really ask God to help me forgive so I don't perform an act of revenge that I will have to answer for later.
He has shown me that sometimes you feel like you're answering for something you didn't do. Sometimes, you ask yourself "What did I do to deserve this?" and the answer is, "This isn't vengeance on you for something you did. God is allowing this to happen to strengthen your faith in some area." There are periods in nearly everyone's life where they feel like they just can't get past that mountain because every time they start to make headway, they're knocked back down to the bottom. God never promised us that life would be easy and a wise man once said that "If you're not being 'attacked by the enemy', you need to take a look at your spiritual walk and make sure you're on the path. The enemy doesn't attack those that aren't a threat to him." The truth is that sometimes people are going to criticize you for something you didn't do. Sometimes people are going to act on vengeance for something they think that you did but you didn't do. In these times, you should remember that God sees that and, even more so, that God knows your heart, your motive and your actions. You should also know that sometimes this is allowed to happen to remove people from your life that are poisoning it. On some occasions, these people come around, move forward in their walk, and are welcomed back into your life because they will truly be a benefit. Other times, they are kept out of your life and (even when it's difficult) God allows this to happen to protect you.
If you have survived this long post, congratulations, you have spent a moment in my head. I am learning and growing on a daily basis and it is a daily walk. Sometimes I mess up and sometimes I run the race with flying colors but it is only with God that I have been able to walk this walk at all. It is only by His grace that I am able to look at these situations with an open heart at all. It is only by His grace that I am given the ability to share these things that might stir something up in someone else's heart or encourage them that they're not alone. I thank God daily for these lessons.

Midnight Blankie washings

It's the middle of the night and I'm awake AGAIN doing a midnight blankie washing. Let me explain....
My children all went through varying stages of attachment to their blankets. My first one was a thumb-sucker and a blanket girl but never formed a major attachment to either. My second one was a thumb-sucker and a blanket boy and has a mild attachment (i.e. if he doesn't have it, he can still sleep soundly). My third was a pacifier baby for the first two years and a blanket boy and had a moderate attachment (i.e. threw a fit at bedtime if it wasn't there but could sleep okay without it). My fourth little one, though, never had a pacifier or sucked a thumb passed three months of age...she has her blankie.
In our house, Sydney's blankie is considered a being, not an object most of the time. She can be playing quite nicely without blankie and not seem to notice and, all of the sudden, blankie's presence is necessary immediately and she runs off to get it. I have witnessed this happening in the middle of a movie/t.v. show she likes, while building with blocks, and everything in between. She can function quite well out and about without it for hours at a time and yet it's a necessity in the car if we're going to be gone too close to bedtime or for an extended period...she may not even touch it in the car but just wants to know it's there. Poor blankie has had an incident with the washer and had to be trimmed down several inches. Blankie has been puked on, pooped/peed on, drooled on, and dragged through the dirt. Blankie has been sobbed for through the toddler years when it took a trip through the washer and anticipated greatly as it makes a trip through the dryer. Blankie is often called "Sydney's best friend" and anybody that knows her well, knows that blankie is just part of life for her.
On the incidence of her first bout with vomiting since infancy (by the grace of God, she has avoided the flu), she threw up all over her bedsheets, pillow, and blankie in the middle of the night. After cleaning her up and stripping the bed, I laid her on the makeshift bed on the sofa and started to train her on throwing up IN the throw-up bowl. Here's a short passage of our conversation....
Me: Do you want me to sit with you for a little while?
Sydney: No, I just want blankie
Me: Blankie's in the washer right now but you can have this Tinkerbell quilt instead
Sydney: (after recovering from a complete meltdown) Can I have blankie when it's done?
Me: Of course you can. I'll stay up until blankie's dry and then you can have it back. Do you want me to sit with you now?
Sydney: No I just want to watch cartoons and feel sickies.
I realized a few small lessons while staying up during this midnight blankie washing....
Lesson 1: The cartoons during the middle of the night are just as bad, if not worse, than what's on during the day for the most part.
Lesson 2: It is completely rational to take a load out of the washer and put it into a basket to wait for the sheets from the sick child's bed to wash just so that you can switch blankie (by itself to dry faster) into the dryer before putting the clothes from the washer into the dryer.
Lesson 3: I am TREMENDOUSLY fortunate that my children are healthy, vibrant kids. They have little health issues here and there but, overall, they are healthy, strong kids! God has truly blessed our household with tremendous health.
Lesson 4: (And I learn this lesson daily it seems) God's plan is always better than ours. If our family planning methods had worked the way they were supposed to, we wouldn't have the four healthy amazing kids that we have. In fact, we took drastic measures to prevent more children after Daniel and God's plan brought us Sydney. I can't imagine life without her, or any of the other children
Lesson 5: Everyone has their own "security blanket" that they hold onto. For myself , it's Jesus but it hasn't always been that way. I've held on to things and people and have even held on to habits like a security blanket and I didn't just have a minor attachment...mine was a red-alert-no-holds-barred attachment. The bad news is that things get broken, disappear, get lost, and have no real value in the end. People are going to disappoint you sometimes because we're all human and it's part of life. Bad habits are going to prove to you while they're called "bad" habits when it comes down to it and they're going to make your life harder for you. Jesus never fails. His love is abundant and overflowing. He doesn't break, disappear or get lost. He won't disappoint you and He's always there when you need Him. And the best part of all is that Jesus' gift of love and salvation is free to EVERYONE and isn't dependent on how pretty you are, how much money you have, who your family is, or anything else...it's unconditional and abundant love.
So while I'm yawning and pleading with the dryer to hurry up and finish drying blankie so I can go to bed, I ended up with a humbling lesson that I never expected.

They're just people...just like me

As far back as I can remember, I've struggled with self-esteem and issues surrounding it. Even when I got to the point where I felt comfortable with myself physically, I still continued with the same struggles emotionally and spiritually on where I stood. I would look at myself thinking, "I just wish I could get myself together and be who I want to be already." Impatient as ever, I would throw myself into studying my Bible, reading self-help books, and anything else I could do to make myself grow. Still, I just wouldn't feel like that was good enough.
I recently read a blog from a good friend from high school that I've had the privilege of reconnecting with. She has kids of her own and has always been on my list of people who "have it together" and "don't give themselves enough credit for how great they are." She simply was so humble that she didn't see how much she helped people, how great of a mom/wife she is, and how much she really "has it together." Ironically, her blog post was that she had been struggling with having it together and wondered if anyone felt the same way. This completely blew my mind. If I thought she had it together and she feels like she doesn't, how many more people are just like me.
Another example of this is the endless cycle of separations and divorces within my circle of friends/family/acquaintances. People that I thought were genuinely happy together and soul mates are separating and, in some cases, divorcing all around me. I'm not condemning or condoning divorce in saying this, believe me. I am just watching people that I assumed were happily married (in most cases that I'm thinking of, they were together and married longer than I have been married to Dan) quite suddenly deciding to separate and subsequently divorce. It really scared and humbled me when this started happening because I felt like if "they" can't make it after being together and married for __ years, what chance do I have? Some of the scenarios have been going on long enough that I have gotten to see some of the aftermath: civil/best case scenario divorces, great relationships with their kids post-divorce, and in some cases, remarriage. God has created blessings in the face of what I'm sure was one of the hardest situations they had to face.
I am humbled on a daily basis watching the people around me (especially those I'm closest with) struggling with issues that I can't imagine, fighting illnesses, mourning those that they love, and walking through circumstances that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Still, they push through and they seem to have things together, even in the midst of tragedy. So I came to some conclusions....
(1) There are varying degrees and definitions of "having it together." Most of the time, the people that I think have it all together are the ones that are struggling the most with it. Different people have different standards they set for themselves; therefore, my definition of "having it together" might be harder or easier than theirs.
(2) We can only control our reactions, not our circumstances. Things are going to happen, good and bad, big and small. Sometimes you have to change the way that you operate just to get through a circumstance. Sometimes you have to do something you never prepared yourself for. It's all a matter of how you react (and this doesn't include the initial freak-out for panicky people like myself; this is purely referring to how you handle it once you've calmed yourself down).
(3) You honestly have to take people's criticism/suggestions/reactions with a grain of salt. It's really difficult for some people (and I used to include myself in this group) when someone doesn't like them, disagrees with them, etc. Through a series of issues I went through with my family over the past several years, I have honestly learned to take people's opinions of me, criticisms of me, and reactions to my decisions with a grain of salt. I have to live with myself no matter where I live, who I live, or what I'm doing with my life so I need to be happy with me.
(4) And this kind of ties in with #3, we can't be concerned with other people's reactions. I am MAJORLY guilty of this one. My love language is acts of service so my big pay-off is for someone to recognize what I've tried to do and say "thanks." Don't buy me a present or schmooze me and DON'T make it a big deal...just say thanks. I'm guilty of being the person that shops until I find the "perfect" gift for someone and then expects the gasp of excitement when they open it. 99% of the time..that doesn't happen. I really struggled and developed bitter feelings about this years ago and had to pray my way through a transition. Now (though I still struggle with it sometimes), it's much easier to just accept their reaction whatever it is.
(5) I consider this to probably be the most important of these....you only see a person's life from the outside. While they may appear to have a perfect marriage, Stepford perfect children, and perfect friends, things aren't always what they seem. What seems to be a perfect marriage from the outside could be crumbling from the inside. Those perfect kids may be perfect out of fear or, more often, they may be acting perfect at the time and act like hooligans the rest of the time. Those perfect friends may treat their "friend" like crap but that's all he/she thinks that they deserve. The grass is not always greener or as my beloved Mama B says "The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed."
The lesson I've taken from this? Focus on what I can do to make my life more fulfilling and glorifying to God. Pray hard about what I can do to make myself better and love people where they're at, accepting their issues. Try not to worry myself about other people's opinions, issues, etc and focus on pleasing God because everything else will ultimately fall into place.

Surprised....again

Once again, the Lord provides me a huge surprise that blew me out of the water. After months of dealing with issues with the admin staff (and principal) at the kids' school, I basically threw my hands up. I was done dealing with them on all accounts and ready to transfer the kids for the next school year. I handed it up to God to help us get through the rest of the school year and we'd handle what happened after that.
Out of the blue, today, I received a phone call from the principal himself. It turned out that he was apologizing for everything that had gone on in the past months and for getting off on the wrong foot, so to speak. I was blown away. I hadn't made a snap judgement about this man but his sincere apology changed my entire outlook on him. It made me rethink my dislike of him and view him in a positive light. It definitely made getting through the remainder of this school year a much more positive experience, for sure.
A couple of things came to my mind and my heart in dealing with this. ....
#1-While I don't believe that people necessarily change to their core, at least not very often, I do believe that people can change their habits.
#2-A sincere apology can change the course of even the toughest events.
#3-God will sometimes provide you a little something just to tide you over when you're dealing with alot.
#4-God provides you with opportunities to form new opinions and views and when He gives those opportunities, you should consider strongly before counting them out.
#5-God often works the best when you let go and let Him do his job.