They're just people...just like me

As far back as I can remember, I've struggled with self-esteem and issues surrounding it. Even when I got to the point where I felt comfortable with myself physically, I still continued with the same struggles emotionally and spiritually on where I stood. I would look at myself thinking, "I just wish I could get myself together and be who I want to be already." Impatient as ever, I would throw myself into studying my Bible, reading self-help books, and anything else I could do to make myself grow. Still, I just wouldn't feel like that was good enough.
I recently read a blog from a good friend from high school that I've had the privilege of reconnecting with. She has kids of her own and has always been on my list of people who "have it together" and "don't give themselves enough credit for how great they are." She simply was so humble that she didn't see how much she helped people, how great of a mom/wife she is, and how much she really "has it together." Ironically, her blog post was that she had been struggling with having it together and wondered if anyone felt the same way. This completely blew my mind. If I thought she had it together and she feels like she doesn't, how many more people are just like me.
Another example of this is the endless cycle of separations and divorces within my circle of friends/family/acquaintances. People that I thought were genuinely happy together and soul mates are separating and, in some cases, divorcing all around me. I'm not condemning or condoning divorce in saying this, believe me. I am just watching people that I assumed were happily married (in most cases that I'm thinking of, they were together and married longer than I have been married to Dan) quite suddenly deciding to separate and subsequently divorce. It really scared and humbled me when this started happening because I felt like if "they" can't make it after being together and married for __ years, what chance do I have? Some of the scenarios have been going on long enough that I have gotten to see some of the aftermath: civil/best case scenario divorces, great relationships with their kids post-divorce, and in some cases, remarriage. God has created blessings in the face of what I'm sure was one of the hardest situations they had to face.
I am humbled on a daily basis watching the people around me (especially those I'm closest with) struggling with issues that I can't imagine, fighting illnesses, mourning those that they love, and walking through circumstances that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Still, they push through and they seem to have things together, even in the midst of tragedy. So I came to some conclusions....
(1) There are varying degrees and definitions of "having it together." Most of the time, the people that I think have it all together are the ones that are struggling the most with it. Different people have different standards they set for themselves; therefore, my definition of "having it together" might be harder or easier than theirs.
(2) We can only control our reactions, not our circumstances. Things are going to happen, good and bad, big and small. Sometimes you have to change the way that you operate just to get through a circumstance. Sometimes you have to do something you never prepared yourself for. It's all a matter of how you react (and this doesn't include the initial freak-out for panicky people like myself; this is purely referring to how you handle it once you've calmed yourself down).
(3) You honestly have to take people's criticism/suggestions/reactions with a grain of salt. It's really difficult for some people (and I used to include myself in this group) when someone doesn't like them, disagrees with them, etc. Through a series of issues I went through with my family over the past several years, I have honestly learned to take people's opinions of me, criticisms of me, and reactions to my decisions with a grain of salt. I have to live with myself no matter where I live, who I live, or what I'm doing with my life so I need to be happy with me.
(4) And this kind of ties in with #3, we can't be concerned with other people's reactions. I am MAJORLY guilty of this one. My love language is acts of service so my big pay-off is for someone to recognize what I've tried to do and say "thanks." Don't buy me a present or schmooze me and DON'T make it a big deal...just say thanks. I'm guilty of being the person that shops until I find the "perfect" gift for someone and then expects the gasp of excitement when they open it. 99% of the time..that doesn't happen. I really struggled and developed bitter feelings about this years ago and had to pray my way through a transition. Now (though I still struggle with it sometimes), it's much easier to just accept their reaction whatever it is.
(5) I consider this to probably be the most important of these....you only see a person's life from the outside. While they may appear to have a perfect marriage, Stepford perfect children, and perfect friends, things aren't always what they seem. What seems to be a perfect marriage from the outside could be crumbling from the inside. Those perfect kids may be perfect out of fear or, more often, they may be acting perfect at the time and act like hooligans the rest of the time. Those perfect friends may treat their "friend" like crap but that's all he/she thinks that they deserve. The grass is not always greener or as my beloved Mama B says "The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed."
The lesson I've taken from this? Focus on what I can do to make my life more fulfilling and glorifying to God. Pray hard about what I can do to make myself better and love people where they're at, accepting their issues. Try not to worry myself about other people's opinions, issues, etc and focus on pleasing God because everything else will ultimately fall into place.