Little Things

It is forever entertaining me how some of the smallest things earn the phrase, "Wow! Cool!" from my kids. I have heard, "You're the best mom in the whole world!" for what I consider to the be the tiniest of accomplishments. Most recently, I heard that phrase for buying a shaker of cinnamon/sugar (which, by the way, was so I could reuse the shaker with my own cinnamon sugar) that looked like a giraffe. Sounds of amazement made their way into my bedroom where I was folding clothes as the kids shook the cinnamon sugar on from the yellow spotted shaker and then I heard it: "You're the best mom in the whole world. Thank you, Mommy." I smiled to myself and continued folding. Then it hit me....
Newton's law: "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." That means that if they can get excited over something small, they can also be devastated in the same manner. My heart was humbled to think of times, especially in my early years of marriage, when I would tell the children that I was busy at that moment. Sometimes, it was something small such as showing me, in detail, a picture they'd drawn. Sometimes, it was telling me a story that they'd made up. It could have been anything but, at that moment, I was too busy to hear or see it. I think that everyone does it once in awhile and I'm just as guilty as the next person, for sure.
It came to mind how devastated I am when I'm trying to tell a loved one about something I'm passionate about and they ignore me. One of the phrases that I utter most to my beloved husband is, "I don't like being ignored." (To be fair, I talk alot so he must implement selective hearing.) The fact is that NO ONE likes feeling like they're being overlooked, ignored, or pushed aside. No one likes to hear, "Not right now...I'm busy." No one. The fact is that children don't have an adult understanding of situations...they don't understand that "I'm busy right now" doesn't mean, "I don't care." In fact, a large portion of children (and adults, for that matter) take "Not now, I'm busy" to mean "I don't care." Really think about it and you might just agree.
That being said, I am a problem-solver by nature. What is it that I could do or say to fix this problem in my own life and in my own household....
(1) Unless I am doing something that is absolutely dire, take the time to look/listen to what they're saying/doing. The fact is that they're only small for so long and I want to drink in the moments that they actually want to talk to me and show me things before they age into teenagers and eventually adults. Most of the time, I can stop scrubbing a floor or stirring dinner for a minute to look at their picture.
(2) Try to eliminate the phrase "Not right now, I'm busy." In its place (when I'm UNABLE, not unwilling, to look/listen), give an appropriate time span I will be able to look/listen. For example, if I am really in the middle of something that can't wait, I can say, "I am right in the middle of this BUT if you let me finish this one thing, you can tell me about the picture. Give me five minutes." I learned the lesson, though, that I'd better stick to my guns on that time limit because they are watching the clock.
(3) Try to put off tasks that CAN wait until they're down for a nap or in bed and develop a routine for them to follow when I have to handle something while they're awake. For example, my kids suddenly turn into a group of crazy monkeys when Mommy's on the phone. Sometimes, a phone call is necessary during the day and I need some semblance of quiet for it. I have found, in my own household, that if I give them appropriate warning that I need quiet for a certain amount of minutes, they work with me alot more. They find it difficult to be quiet for unknown periods of time but if they know that I'll be done in about ten minutes, they can usually keep themselves contained.
(4) Set aside a time of day for "show and tell." I have actually set aside a 25 minute period of time for each of the kids (which occasionally gets shifted if things get too hectic but is there 90% of the time). During that time, they have my complete attention. They can show me artwork from school, tell me a story, or we can read books together. Unless someone else is bleeding or on fire, though, that child has my complete attention. After having this implemented for a little while, the other kids are usually good about staying quiet because they want the same thing while they have THEIR turn. My general rule is that we switch off nightly who goes first, when it's not your turn you should be picking out what you want to do quietly, and you shouldn't interrupt on someone else's turn unless it's dire. I've noticed a HUGE behavioral change in my kids during this time and with how they interact with each other. Believe me, I don't pretend to understand it; I simply observe it. I can't say that it would work for everyone but I know it's worked for my kids.
I guess what I reflect on most in this is that they're small for only so long and I want to cherish those moments with them and make them as special as possible. I know I have to discipline them, and I do take care of that, but I would like to make the good times count and give them memories that speak to the fact that "Mommy always had time for them."