The question of the day (or really the past couple of months) is how long do you wait? When something is laid on your heart, how long do you wait before you start to question? The reality is that sometimes God lays something on your heart to see if you'd be willing to do it but He has no intention of actually making you go through with it. Sometimes He lays something on your heart strictly to test your faith. Sometimes He asks you to do something to teach you patience (or some other lesson). Finally, sometimes it's just a question of God making sure that the coordination of His plans is perfect. When do you start to wonder if what He's asked you to do is what you should be doing?
I am finding that it doesn't really matter what the reasoning is for the wait. If you know, without a doubt that God is laying something on your heart, you have to believe that he'll take care of it. Continue to ask God to provide you affirmations, clarity and wisdom and it'll all come together eventually. The waiting stinks but the outcome is tremendous whenever God's hand is on something.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I Have Hope No Matter What
There is so much going on in my life right now that is beyond explanation and that I wouldn't dare want to expose all the details of simply because it's a big mess in some areas. It's a hard thing to deal with sometimes and, quite frankly, everyone has their own opinion on it and (in their eyes, at least) a strong need to share with me exactly what that opinion is and how I need to deal with things. While I appreciate the advice, unsolicited or not, it's all very overwhelming. With that being said, I say the following:
I can't explain why, in the depth of the crap I'm going through, I still feel the sense of peace that I do. I feel an overwhelming sense of "It's gonna be alright" that just seems to corse through my veins and fill my soul. I can't explain why I feel this sense of peace because, in my own head, it doesn't make sense. I can't, for the life of me, understand how in the midst of all of this chaos, my heart won't even allow me to stress past a certain extent. I thank God for it all the time because I know for sure that HE is the reason....even if I can't provide a real exact explanation.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel I am in and I can see it ahead of me. I can't explain the how's and why's things are going to come to pass but I do believe that they will and that God will be glorified through this process. I'm entrusting my life with HIM and trusting that HE knows how it's gonna happen. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the Lord, whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." That's what I am doing....committing it to Him and allowing Him to bring things to pass.
I can't explain why, in the depth of the crap I'm going through, I still feel the sense of peace that I do. I feel an overwhelming sense of "It's gonna be alright" that just seems to corse through my veins and fill my soul. I can't explain why I feel this sense of peace because, in my own head, it doesn't make sense. I can't, for the life of me, understand how in the midst of all of this chaos, my heart won't even allow me to stress past a certain extent. I thank God for it all the time because I know for sure that HE is the reason....even if I can't provide a real exact explanation.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel I am in and I can see it ahead of me. I can't explain the how's and why's things are going to come to pass but I do believe that they will and that God will be glorified through this process. I'm entrusting my life with HIM and trusting that HE knows how it's gonna happen. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the Lord, whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." That's what I am doing....committing it to Him and allowing Him to bring things to pass.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I surrender
I admit it...I'm a control freak when it comes to alot of things in my life. I don't want to obsess about every detail but I want to feel like I have some sort of control over where I'm going and lately that doesn't seem to be an option. I can claw and fight my way through it but when it comes down to it, I don't have any control. Over the past few days, I finally just said, "God, you know what, I surrender." Obviously my way isn't doing it. Obviously I think I have it in my head what needs to be happening and obviously I'm wrong. Good news? I feel a sense of relief. Bad news? No more control. I'm praying really hard that God uses this opportunity to show me the positive aspects of letting go. I'm scared but I'm committed to letting go.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Unraveling
I am going through a season of learning alot of lessons in my life right now. (Then again, when is my life NOT like that?) One of the lessons I've had to learn is that I can't fix everything and I can't help everyone. I have to admit that this is both devastatingly hard for me to accept and it's also devastatingly hard to watch the people around me suffer and not be able to do anything but pray for them. It makes me feel completely helpless. I watch their lives unravel and I just have to wait it out.
Let me be honest: I'm a lifeguard in this game of life. However, I'm a paranoid lifeguard. I see someone start to flail even a little and I want to jump in and save them. Okay if I'm being honest, I don't just want to save them; I want to save them from the water, carry them to a cabana and provide the spa treatment. More simply speaking, I hae a tendency to not just want to help with whatever I can. My tendency is to want to provide them with star treatment in every way that I can, no matter what I have to sacrifice. While I don't think it's a bad thing to want to help people and it's definitely not a bad thing to exercise compassion, sometimes I find that I'm stepping on God's toes. Alright, more than sometimes. That's why it's a lesson I'm having to learn.
Here's what I have learned so far (and I'm sure there's more down the line....)
1.) My definition of "drowning" is different from God's Sometimes God is just letting someone test the water. I view it like someone who takes their little one to a public pool to teach them how to swim. The mother might stand in arm's length but allow the little one to struggle just a little so that they learn to dog paddle. If she moves too close, the child would grab on and rely on her but if she backs up just a little, she can let them swim to her. I have been the mom that is teaching her child to swim and I think that's what God's doing with people sometimes. However, I have a tendency to be the overprotective onlooker that jumps in at the first sign of panic from the child and scolds the mother in the water (figuratively, of course). Yes, that's right, I have a tendency to (figuratively) scold God, saying, "What in the world are you doing? Can't you see they're overwhelmed?" What looks like drowning to me looks like a swimming lesson to God. He's right there the whole time watching at arm's length but I'm only focusing on the flailing child.
2. ) Jumping in and whisking someone away does NOT always really rescue them Let's go back to the swimming lesson metaphor. If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child who's learning to doggy paddle, I'm actually hindering their progress. They not only miss out on learning to doggy paddle themselves but they also learn to think that what they were learning is a scary thing instead of a lesson. In essence, I teach them to panic instead of trust. I have a tendency to want to jump in and do everything for someone at the first sign of struggle. If they need money, I'm jumping in to get them money. If they need a babysitter, I drop everything to watch their child. Whatever they need, I am willing to sacrifice my own well being and resources to provide it. Sometimes that's what God wants. Sometimes, however, that teaches people to rely on me instead of on God. Sometimes it teaches them that the answer to their problem is in a person's hands instead of in God's arms. Often, it makes them believe that what they're going through is such a scary experience that they can't handle it...and they start to panic. That's not to say that they wouldn't have struggled a little anyway but now they're struggling worse because I tried to help where I wasn't needed.
3. ) There's a difference between helping and doing it for someone While it's okay to help someone out, there's a difference between helping them and doing it for them. If I race in and take over, I'm denying them a chance to learn really important lessons. In the long run those lessons might have benefited someone else because they were having the same experience. I might be denying a long line of people a particular lesson just by jumping in this time around. Exercising compassion and showing the person struggling love, support and whatever else they NEED is perfectly fine and it's what God wants for us. (Note that I said "need" instead of "want"...I'm having to learn the difference when it comes to this particular area). Sometimes, though, God needs to them to be a little uncomfortable in order to learn a lesson...and me doing it for them isn't teaching either of us anything.
4. ) Sometimes the lesson isn't patience or compassion; it's learning to keep my mouth closed and my hands behind my back As much as I want to help, I'm learning that I can't swoop in and rescue people all of the time. Sometimes God wants me to keep my mouth closed, my hands folded, and my head bowed. I can pray for them but I'm not supposed to do what I want to do to rescue them. He wants for their rescue to provide the glory to Him. If I swoop in, it only does more harm than good.
5. ) God ALWAYS finds a way to teach the lesson...and you might miss out on watching them learn it if you step in If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child, I might temporarily fix the situation but that's not going to stop the parent from coming back and teaching that child later when I'm not there....and I won't get to see the pride they exhibit when they learn. Sometimes the "reward" for standing back (prayerfully) and letting God handle things is simply getting to see the lessons that they learn firsthand and seeing how proud they are of themselves for getting through it. It's also about seeing how much closer they get to God. It is absolutely the most difficult thing in the world to watch them struggle but watching them learn to trust God is immeasurably awesome.
6. ) Finally, the bigger picture is way more important than the immediate shot. I'm finding that simply being there and supporting someone through their process ends up contributing more to the bigger picture. Providing a loving environment for them to learn their lessons in AND a pair of soft arms to fall into when they need to cry because it feels overwhelming is far more important than trying to resolve it. God allows me to repeat myself a thousand times a day that I'm here and I'm ready at the drop of a hat to jump in but He also assures me that it's under control. What I think is someone's life unraveling is really God taking out broken stitches so he can fix the seams and make it more sturdy.
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fully in control of this lesson but I'm definitely more prayerful about how and what I do to help in such huge ways. Prayer crosses all boundaries and God NEVER has an issue if I'm praying for someone...that's something I can ALWAYS do to help. However, I have to be prayerful about the control that I try to take to rescue people. God's in control and He will use me where he sees fit!
Let me be honest: I'm a lifeguard in this game of life. However, I'm a paranoid lifeguard. I see someone start to flail even a little and I want to jump in and save them. Okay if I'm being honest, I don't just want to save them; I want to save them from the water, carry them to a cabana and provide the spa treatment. More simply speaking, I hae a tendency to not just want to help with whatever I can. My tendency is to want to provide them with star treatment in every way that I can, no matter what I have to sacrifice. While I don't think it's a bad thing to want to help people and it's definitely not a bad thing to exercise compassion, sometimes I find that I'm stepping on God's toes. Alright, more than sometimes. That's why it's a lesson I'm having to learn.
Here's what I have learned so far (and I'm sure there's more down the line....)
1.) My definition of "drowning" is different from God's Sometimes God is just letting someone test the water. I view it like someone who takes their little one to a public pool to teach them how to swim. The mother might stand in arm's length but allow the little one to struggle just a little so that they learn to dog paddle. If she moves too close, the child would grab on and rely on her but if she backs up just a little, she can let them swim to her. I have been the mom that is teaching her child to swim and I think that's what God's doing with people sometimes. However, I have a tendency to be the overprotective onlooker that jumps in at the first sign of panic from the child and scolds the mother in the water (figuratively, of course). Yes, that's right, I have a tendency to (figuratively) scold God, saying, "What in the world are you doing? Can't you see they're overwhelmed?" What looks like drowning to me looks like a swimming lesson to God. He's right there the whole time watching at arm's length but I'm only focusing on the flailing child.
2. ) Jumping in and whisking someone away does NOT always really rescue them Let's go back to the swimming lesson metaphor. If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child who's learning to doggy paddle, I'm actually hindering their progress. They not only miss out on learning to doggy paddle themselves but they also learn to think that what they were learning is a scary thing instead of a lesson. In essence, I teach them to panic instead of trust. I have a tendency to want to jump in and do everything for someone at the first sign of struggle. If they need money, I'm jumping in to get them money. If they need a babysitter, I drop everything to watch their child. Whatever they need, I am willing to sacrifice my own well being and resources to provide it. Sometimes that's what God wants. Sometimes, however, that teaches people to rely on me instead of on God. Sometimes it teaches them that the answer to their problem is in a person's hands instead of in God's arms. Often, it makes them believe that what they're going through is such a scary experience that they can't handle it...and they start to panic. That's not to say that they wouldn't have struggled a little anyway but now they're struggling worse because I tried to help where I wasn't needed.
3. ) There's a difference between helping and doing it for someone While it's okay to help someone out, there's a difference between helping them and doing it for them. If I race in and take over, I'm denying them a chance to learn really important lessons. In the long run those lessons might have benefited someone else because they were having the same experience. I might be denying a long line of people a particular lesson just by jumping in this time around. Exercising compassion and showing the person struggling love, support and whatever else they NEED is perfectly fine and it's what God wants for us. (Note that I said "need" instead of "want"...I'm having to learn the difference when it comes to this particular area). Sometimes, though, God needs to them to be a little uncomfortable in order to learn a lesson...and me doing it for them isn't teaching either of us anything.
4. ) Sometimes the lesson isn't patience or compassion; it's learning to keep my mouth closed and my hands behind my back As much as I want to help, I'm learning that I can't swoop in and rescue people all of the time. Sometimes God wants me to keep my mouth closed, my hands folded, and my head bowed. I can pray for them but I'm not supposed to do what I want to do to rescue them. He wants for their rescue to provide the glory to Him. If I swoop in, it only does more harm than good.
5. ) God ALWAYS finds a way to teach the lesson...and you might miss out on watching them learn it if you step in If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child, I might temporarily fix the situation but that's not going to stop the parent from coming back and teaching that child later when I'm not there....and I won't get to see the pride they exhibit when they learn. Sometimes the "reward" for standing back (prayerfully) and letting God handle things is simply getting to see the lessons that they learn firsthand and seeing how proud they are of themselves for getting through it. It's also about seeing how much closer they get to God. It is absolutely the most difficult thing in the world to watch them struggle but watching them learn to trust God is immeasurably awesome.
6. ) Finally, the bigger picture is way more important than the immediate shot. I'm finding that simply being there and supporting someone through their process ends up contributing more to the bigger picture. Providing a loving environment for them to learn their lessons in AND a pair of soft arms to fall into when they need to cry because it feels overwhelming is far more important than trying to resolve it. God allows me to repeat myself a thousand times a day that I'm here and I'm ready at the drop of a hat to jump in but He also assures me that it's under control. What I think is someone's life unraveling is really God taking out broken stitches so he can fix the seams and make it more sturdy.
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fully in control of this lesson but I'm definitely more prayerful about how and what I do to help in such huge ways. Prayer crosses all boundaries and God NEVER has an issue if I'm praying for someone...that's something I can ALWAYS do to help. However, I have to be prayerful about the control that I try to take to rescue people. God's in control and He will use me where he sees fit!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Life Lessons
I have to say that I'm not all that excited about some of the lessons I've had to learn lately. They have been the not-so-fun but extremely life-altering lessons that bring you to your knees. I thought I'd share, nonetheless, since writing it out sort of serves as a therapeutic outpouring and maybe, just maybe, I can save someone else some heartache, affirm some life choice they're needing to make, or just provide some insight to something going on in their life.
1. People break promises. No matter how much you trust someone or how great you think they are, they ARE going to fail you. It doesn't make them a bad person; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they don't love you. The only person (and I use that term loosely of course) that doesn't break promises is God.
2. God sometimes asks you to do something just to see if you'll comply. God's honest truth is that sometimes God asks you to do some big life-altering change in your life just to see if you'll actually do it. He's not necessarily testing you so much as building your faith. He may ask you to move a thousand miles away or to take a job that would have you leave a job that you've had forever. He wants to see if you'll step out. The great news is that a show of faith in these situations is usually rewarded. The bad news is that you have to prepare yourself for the fall when you realize what you've been working for isn't going to happen and wait for what God has next.
3. People don't change. This is something that has been an ongoing lesson for me. People don't change who they are. They don't magically just change their ways. Even when God changes their hearts, He changes their actions more than anything. He created them uniquely the way that they are and has good intentions for each and every gift they have. It is their choice to use their gifts in a poor way and they do. Most of the time, people resort back to what is easiest for them, and that's generally not beneficial to others.
4. Nobody is going to like you if you can't like yourself first There are so many self-conscious people walking around, feeling like the world is going to end if they don't have friends around. The truth is that learning to love yourself is a process but learning to like yourself is even harder. Love is unconditional and you can convince yourself that you are worthy of love but actually liking who you are and seeing the positive in your qualities is an entirely different story. However, there are very few people in this world who are actually LOOKING for someone with low self-esteem to buddy up with and the people that ARE looking for that are generally trouble.
5. People come and go This one is an especially difficult lesson for me because I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. My friends are like family to me and I protect them like a lioness. There are some people that I have recently had to let go of and it's been one of the hardest experiences in my life. This has been an ongoing process but there have definitely been times when I've doubted the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" theory. Some relationships were gone for awhile and have sloooooooooowly started rebuilding and others are, I think, gone for good (though I guess you never really know.)
6. Sometimes God brings people back into your life for a reason With the invention of social networking, people are coming back into my life like crazy. Some of them are just old friends. These are the people that I enjoy seeing how they're doing but I'm not necessarily going to go drink coffee with them. Some of them are really good friends from the past that I just lost touch with. These people I am SO thankful for and I guess I never realize how much I missed them. Quite honestly, some of them are family that I just never made the time to get to know and now I'm getting that chance.
7. No one else has the right to make choices in your life but you If you give away your power to make choices by assuming that someone else knows what's right for you, you're giving away your power to live freely. You're actually voluntarily enslaving yourself to someone.
8. Moving on isn't giving up, and it isn't showing a lack of faith Moving forward through the big obstacles in your life isn't giving up on them. If your marriage failed or an adoption fell through or you lost your house and moved back in with your folks, it doesn't mean that YOU failed. Regardless of what some people will say, I honestly feel like Tyler Perry nailed it in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." In the film, Brian says, "Sometimes we hold onto things that God Himself is trying to tear apart." In the world we live in, there is so much craziness that we sometimes forget that God is in control. He doesn't change the rules on us but we aren't living in the time of Moses either....things change and God allows life changes to happen, sometimes for a reason.
9. Change hurts like hell That's just as simple as it sounds. It hurts like hell to go through change. I honestly think it's because you lose a piece of yourself when you change (don't get me wrong, change is good...it just hurts). The good news is that you gain a piece that replaces that.
10. Even when YOU lose focus on your path, God doesn't I seem to get distracted rather often on what I'm supposed to be doing. Most of the time, it's just an optimistic focus on the people around me that bites me in the butt. The truth is that sometimes the enemy throws distractions this way and sometimes it's just you distracting yourself. Sometimes it's unintentional but sometimes it's completely intentional to avoid having to make a hard choice. God won't steer you off your path. (which is not to say that you can't get off course YOURSELF). He just waits patiently while you sit down and refuse to move any further. Eventually you get up, dust yourself off and say, "Okay I'm ready now..." God doesn't lose that path.
So that's what God's been working on with me. It's not pretty but it's honest. It's as candid as it gets and, yes, it's not all that much fun but I believe that the rewards will be bountiful for the faith He's giving me right now.
1. People break promises. No matter how much you trust someone or how great you think they are, they ARE going to fail you. It doesn't make them a bad person; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they don't love you. The only person (and I use that term loosely of course) that doesn't break promises is God.
2. God sometimes asks you to do something just to see if you'll comply. God's honest truth is that sometimes God asks you to do some big life-altering change in your life just to see if you'll actually do it. He's not necessarily testing you so much as building your faith. He may ask you to move a thousand miles away or to take a job that would have you leave a job that you've had forever. He wants to see if you'll step out. The great news is that a show of faith in these situations is usually rewarded. The bad news is that you have to prepare yourself for the fall when you realize what you've been working for isn't going to happen and wait for what God has next.
3. People don't change. This is something that has been an ongoing lesson for me. People don't change who they are. They don't magically just change their ways. Even when God changes their hearts, He changes their actions more than anything. He created them uniquely the way that they are and has good intentions for each and every gift they have. It is their choice to use their gifts in a poor way and they do. Most of the time, people resort back to what is easiest for them, and that's generally not beneficial to others.
4. Nobody is going to like you if you can't like yourself first There are so many self-conscious people walking around, feeling like the world is going to end if they don't have friends around. The truth is that learning to love yourself is a process but learning to like yourself is even harder. Love is unconditional and you can convince yourself that you are worthy of love but actually liking who you are and seeing the positive in your qualities is an entirely different story. However, there are very few people in this world who are actually LOOKING for someone with low self-esteem to buddy up with and the people that ARE looking for that are generally trouble.
5. People come and go This one is an especially difficult lesson for me because I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. My friends are like family to me and I protect them like a lioness. There are some people that I have recently had to let go of and it's been one of the hardest experiences in my life. This has been an ongoing process but there have definitely been times when I've doubted the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" theory. Some relationships were gone for awhile and have sloooooooooowly started rebuilding and others are, I think, gone for good (though I guess you never really know.)
6. Sometimes God brings people back into your life for a reason With the invention of social networking, people are coming back into my life like crazy. Some of them are just old friends. These are the people that I enjoy seeing how they're doing but I'm not necessarily going to go drink coffee with them. Some of them are really good friends from the past that I just lost touch with. These people I am SO thankful for and I guess I never realize how much I missed them. Quite honestly, some of them are family that I just never made the time to get to know and now I'm getting that chance.
7. No one else has the right to make choices in your life but you If you give away your power to make choices by assuming that someone else knows what's right for you, you're giving away your power to live freely. You're actually voluntarily enslaving yourself to someone.
8. Moving on isn't giving up, and it isn't showing a lack of faith Moving forward through the big obstacles in your life isn't giving up on them. If your marriage failed or an adoption fell through or you lost your house and moved back in with your folks, it doesn't mean that YOU failed. Regardless of what some people will say, I honestly feel like Tyler Perry nailed it in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." In the film, Brian says, "Sometimes we hold onto things that God Himself is trying to tear apart." In the world we live in, there is so much craziness that we sometimes forget that God is in control. He doesn't change the rules on us but we aren't living in the time of Moses either....things change and God allows life changes to happen, sometimes for a reason.
9. Change hurts like hell That's just as simple as it sounds. It hurts like hell to go through change. I honestly think it's because you lose a piece of yourself when you change (don't get me wrong, change is good...it just hurts). The good news is that you gain a piece that replaces that.
10. Even when YOU lose focus on your path, God doesn't I seem to get distracted rather often on what I'm supposed to be doing. Most of the time, it's just an optimistic focus on the people around me that bites me in the butt. The truth is that sometimes the enemy throws distractions this way and sometimes it's just you distracting yourself. Sometimes it's unintentional but sometimes it's completely intentional to avoid having to make a hard choice. God won't steer you off your path. (which is not to say that you can't get off course YOURSELF). He just waits patiently while you sit down and refuse to move any further. Eventually you get up, dust yourself off and say, "Okay I'm ready now..." God doesn't lose that path.
So that's what God's been working on with me. It's not pretty but it's honest. It's as candid as it gets and, yes, it's not all that much fun but I believe that the rewards will be bountiful for the faith He's giving me right now.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Opinions are like....
I've heard the expression thousands of times that opinions are like a**holes because everyone's got one. The truth is that everyone has dozens and dozens of opinions about everything. Even "better" is that everyone loves to share their opinions and then expect you to have the same opinion. That is where my issue lies.
Quite honestly, I am thankful for other people's opinions for a number of reasons. First off, I love peeking into the psychology of how people's minds work. Secondly, I love hearing different people's points of view so that I can form my own opinion based on alot of evidence. Finally, I value the opinions of those I love.
The truth is that you can choose who to listen to and who not to listen to. There is a polite way to listen and then just do what your heart tells you to do. There is a polite way to thank someone for their advice and then choose your own path instead. Frankly you CAN choose to just tell the person giving advice to pack sand but they mostly are just trying to help you not have to deal with the issues they've dealt with in the past.
Another important aspect of this to keep in mind is giving YOUR opinion to others. Most of the time, opinions are given because you don't want someone to hurt or deal with the same things you did. Often, though, people get upset when their loved ones don't take their advice. Somehow, they have come to believe that THEIR opinions are the end-all, be-all of good advice and that there is NO other way to handle things. Just as people all have unique aspects of who they are, everyone has a different way of coping and handling things. Advice IS wonderful but ultimately everyone has to find their own way.
Quite honestly, I am thankful for other people's opinions for a number of reasons. First off, I love peeking into the psychology of how people's minds work. Secondly, I love hearing different people's points of view so that I can form my own opinion based on alot of evidence. Finally, I value the opinions of those I love.
The truth is that you can choose who to listen to and who not to listen to. There is a polite way to listen and then just do what your heart tells you to do. There is a polite way to thank someone for their advice and then choose your own path instead. Frankly you CAN choose to just tell the person giving advice to pack sand but they mostly are just trying to help you not have to deal with the issues they've dealt with in the past.
Another important aspect of this to keep in mind is giving YOUR opinion to others. Most of the time, opinions are given because you don't want someone to hurt or deal with the same things you did. Often, though, people get upset when their loved ones don't take their advice. Somehow, they have come to believe that THEIR opinions are the end-all, be-all of good advice and that there is NO other way to handle things. Just as people all have unique aspects of who they are, everyone has a different way of coping and handling things. Advice IS wonderful but ultimately everyone has to find their own way.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I haven't written in a long time. It hasn't been for lack of desire. It's more been about lack of things to say. I feel like I've been in a bit of a rut and maybe feeling sorry for myself a little too much. I have to admit that I've maybe even been a little bitter. It's not to say that it's without reason, for certain, nonetheless, I didn't want to extend my bad mood on to everybody else's good day.
My most recent revelations in life have basically been like that of a little kid trying to push their way through doors. The door can open a crack and they want to rush through. Inevitably, their fingers get pinched and they end up crying because they're hurt. This is kind of where I'm at. I have found myself trying to rush through the door that's only opened a little at this point and I keep getting my fingers pinched and crying in frustration.
Quite frankly, in general, I tend to cry out in frustration lately. I tell myself that it's not fair and that I don't understand it but the truth is that I don't have to understand these lessons for them to be good for me. Sometimes parents have to choose what's best for their kids whether their kids like it or not and that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't make it any easier...just more common, perhaps. Right now I'm doing my best to just keep floating along and letting God take care of things in my life because I have faith that there are better things coming and that blessings are about to take over my life.
My most recent revelations in life have basically been like that of a little kid trying to push their way through doors. The door can open a crack and they want to rush through. Inevitably, their fingers get pinched and they end up crying because they're hurt. This is kind of where I'm at. I have found myself trying to rush through the door that's only opened a little at this point and I keep getting my fingers pinched and crying in frustration.
Quite frankly, in general, I tend to cry out in frustration lately. I tell myself that it's not fair and that I don't understand it but the truth is that I don't have to understand these lessons for them to be good for me. Sometimes parents have to choose what's best for their kids whether their kids like it or not and that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't make it any easier...just more common, perhaps. Right now I'm doing my best to just keep floating along and letting God take care of things in my life because I have faith that there are better things coming and that blessings are about to take over my life.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
One step forward, two steps back
My best friend is currently potty training her little one and I keep hearing her say, "It's like we take one step forward and two steps back." Frankly, that is how I've been feeling in my life recently and I have decided to liken my current progress in life to a toddler. Here is the basic premise (for your entertainment....LOL)....
(1) I am faced with an issue that presents a challenge and all of the sudden, I'm like a toddler facing a transition time. I'm not READY for a change yet. I'm doing just fine with whatever I'm doing. Why are you taking away my comfy, cozy activity and switching me to something new and scary. I panic first.
(2) I try to talk my way out of it. Just like a toddler asks for five more minutes, I'm struggling and asking for a little more time to enjoy my cozy space in the here and now. Why MUST it happen right now? Can't it wait another year or two? ;)
(3) I throw a fit. Yep, that's right. No matter how many times I face transitions, I still go through this step nearly every time. I drag my feet and go limp. I scream and cry and yell that I don't wanna go through this. I want to remain where I'm at. I want to skip the hard stuff. Logically I know the hard stuff makes you the person you are, but comfy cozy toddler Heather doesn't want that!
(4) I accept it indignantly and pout. Yep, again, I pout. I pout because I'm not getting my way and I swear I'll just go with the flow. I still make my attempts to get my "five more minutes" but they're less pronounced.
(5) I find that the change isn't nearly as scary as I thought. Yes, my super-organization and overly particular self always ends up finding that what I was so scared of isn't that bad at all...and maybe, just maybe, it's kind of fun and interesting. Who knew?
Yes, life is one step forward and two steps back. It's scary and exciting and throws me curve balls on a daily basis. Still, I press forward and say that I'm ready for whatever's next.....well at least until I actually have to deal with it.
(1) I am faced with an issue that presents a challenge and all of the sudden, I'm like a toddler facing a transition time. I'm not READY for a change yet. I'm doing just fine with whatever I'm doing. Why are you taking away my comfy, cozy activity and switching me to something new and scary. I panic first.
(2) I try to talk my way out of it. Just like a toddler asks for five more minutes, I'm struggling and asking for a little more time to enjoy my cozy space in the here and now. Why MUST it happen right now? Can't it wait another year or two? ;)
(3) I throw a fit. Yep, that's right. No matter how many times I face transitions, I still go through this step nearly every time. I drag my feet and go limp. I scream and cry and yell that I don't wanna go through this. I want to remain where I'm at. I want to skip the hard stuff. Logically I know the hard stuff makes you the person you are, but comfy cozy toddler Heather doesn't want that!
(4) I accept it indignantly and pout. Yep, again, I pout. I pout because I'm not getting my way and I swear I'll just go with the flow. I still make my attempts to get my "five more minutes" but they're less pronounced.
(5) I find that the change isn't nearly as scary as I thought. Yes, my super-organization and overly particular self always ends up finding that what I was so scared of isn't that bad at all...and maybe, just maybe, it's kind of fun and interesting. Who knew?
Yes, life is one step forward and two steps back. It's scary and exciting and throws me curve balls on a daily basis. Still, I press forward and say that I'm ready for whatever's next.....well at least until I actually have to deal with it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
The end of another summer.....
And so begins the end of another summer. It's devastating and wonderful at the same time. I have four little ones so excited about school that they can hardly stand to sit still. Alyssa, Anthony, and Daniel Andrew will be in fourth, second, and first grade respectively. Sydney is starting her first year of "school" by doing a preschool program.
It doesn't get much better than the excitement of preparing for the school year. At this age, the kids are still excited about new school supplies and new back packs. They're thrilled at the concept of getting back together with their friends and getting back into the swing of the school year. New school clothes are all the rage in my house right now and they have been hanging in their closets like little dangling carrots in front of a bunny's nose. The excitement builds on a daily basis.
I face the school year with mixed feelings. It is the first year that I will be able to accomplish more during the days and yet it is also the first year that they will all be involved in school activities. It's getting back to the hustle and bustle of schedules and running from this play to that. It's getting back to soccer practices and cheer practices and homework and projects...and, well, the list goes on and on.
With so many great vacations this summer, I am sad to see the summer go. We traveled to Georgia and spent time with friends and family there. We traveled to Illinois. We had family in town. We took trips to the zoo in two different cities, experienced a ton of time at the beach and the pool and have just had a really fun and pleasant summer...the best in a long time. I am thankful for every moment that I got to spend having a blast and making this summer fun and memorable for everyone.
On the other hand, there is something wonderful about the school year. There is something to be said for the crazy hubbub of rushing from place to place. There is something great about seeing the little projects that they've drawn or hearing the new songs they've learned. There is something wonderful about seeing them talk about their new friends or their activities with their teachers. There is something great about the independence that comes from them being on their own in their own little classes. There is something magical about the excitement building to a book character parade, a concert, or some other fun activity during the school year.
This whole experience is going to be a "wait and see" experience....I can't wait to see what the Lord brings into our lives this year!
It doesn't get much better than the excitement of preparing for the school year. At this age, the kids are still excited about new school supplies and new back packs. They're thrilled at the concept of getting back together with their friends and getting back into the swing of the school year. New school clothes are all the rage in my house right now and they have been hanging in their closets like little dangling carrots in front of a bunny's nose. The excitement builds on a daily basis.
I face the school year with mixed feelings. It is the first year that I will be able to accomplish more during the days and yet it is also the first year that they will all be involved in school activities. It's getting back to the hustle and bustle of schedules and running from this play to that. It's getting back to soccer practices and cheer practices and homework and projects...and, well, the list goes on and on.
With so many great vacations this summer, I am sad to see the summer go. We traveled to Georgia and spent time with friends and family there. We traveled to Illinois. We had family in town. We took trips to the zoo in two different cities, experienced a ton of time at the beach and the pool and have just had a really fun and pleasant summer...the best in a long time. I am thankful for every moment that I got to spend having a blast and making this summer fun and memorable for everyone.
On the other hand, there is something wonderful about the school year. There is something to be said for the crazy hubbub of rushing from place to place. There is something great about seeing the little projects that they've drawn or hearing the new songs they've learned. There is something wonderful about seeing them talk about their new friends or their activities with their teachers. There is something great about the independence that comes from them being on their own in their own little classes. There is something magical about the excitement building to a book character parade, a concert, or some other fun activity during the school year.
This whole experience is going to be a "wait and see" experience....I can't wait to see what the Lord brings into our lives this year!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Moving Forward...end of summer
As the school year creeps e'er closer, I find myself looking back on summer and a little sad that it is ending. Summer, like all good things, has to come to an end at some point and the most important thing is to have the memories to savor. Many summers (for our family) have had amazing memories right near our house but not much travel. This summer, however, was a summer of travel, outings, and so much fun that it was nearly unbearable!
I sort of got nostalgic thinking about the things and people in life that I missed. I'm about to celebrate my thirtieth birthday next month and there are so many things and people in my life that I wish were around. There were people that passed away. There were people that I just lost touch with. There were some that just resulted in ended friendships, etc. There were lost pets, lost items, and so on and so forth. It's not that I'm always sad thinking about all of these things, just wondering what might have been.
The good news is that God has a plan. It may not always be obvious right off the bat. Often times, for me, the next step is obvious but hard for me to make because I want to stay where I'm comfortable. God has a way of getting me out of my comfort zone as soon as I cozy in for a nice long rest. He has a way of changing my heart. For example, I wanted to break my addiction to pop (or for you Southerners, my addiction to Coke). I had tried to do it on my own for years and always ended up right back at square one. Finally I really prayed on it and the very next time I tasted a Pepsi, it tasted AWFUL to me. I didn't even want to drink it again. I still occasionally indulge in pop but I can do with or without it.
God has a way of changing my heart with people too. If there is a person in my life that God does not want there anymore, He has a way of making me look at them differently. He has a way of changing my heart over places so I don't want to be there anymore or visit a particular establishment. He has a way of weighing things on my heart to allow me to move forward into the next step of my life, the next phase of His plan.
Not always are His clues so subtle. There are times that God just has to kick me in the butt and tell me that enough is enough. Sometimes He really has to make me uncomfortable to make me change a particular part of my life. The point is, though, that God always finds a way to make things work the way that His plan indicates.
So as I look back on my summer and I'm sad about the details of its passing, I am thankful for the fond memories that I now hold in my heart and for the amazing blessings that God has given me. I look forward to the next step in God's plan.
I sort of got nostalgic thinking about the things and people in life that I missed. I'm about to celebrate my thirtieth birthday next month and there are so many things and people in my life that I wish were around. There were people that passed away. There were people that I just lost touch with. There were some that just resulted in ended friendships, etc. There were lost pets, lost items, and so on and so forth. It's not that I'm always sad thinking about all of these things, just wondering what might have been.
The good news is that God has a plan. It may not always be obvious right off the bat. Often times, for me, the next step is obvious but hard for me to make because I want to stay where I'm comfortable. God has a way of getting me out of my comfort zone as soon as I cozy in for a nice long rest. He has a way of changing my heart. For example, I wanted to break my addiction to pop (or for you Southerners, my addiction to Coke). I had tried to do it on my own for years and always ended up right back at square one. Finally I really prayed on it and the very next time I tasted a Pepsi, it tasted AWFUL to me. I didn't even want to drink it again. I still occasionally indulge in pop but I can do with or without it.
God has a way of changing my heart with people too. If there is a person in my life that God does not want there anymore, He has a way of making me look at them differently. He has a way of changing my heart over places so I don't want to be there anymore or visit a particular establishment. He has a way of weighing things on my heart to allow me to move forward into the next step of my life, the next phase of His plan.
Not always are His clues so subtle. There are times that God just has to kick me in the butt and tell me that enough is enough. Sometimes He really has to make me uncomfortable to make me change a particular part of my life. The point is, though, that God always finds a way to make things work the way that His plan indicates.
So as I look back on my summer and I'm sad about the details of its passing, I am thankful for the fond memories that I now hold in my heart and for the amazing blessings that God has given me. I look forward to the next step in God's plan.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Jealousy, deserving things, and others
Recently, I have been observing people's behavior more and more. I have watched some of my friends go through really difficult situations and others achieve such amazing blessing that it seems almost overwhelming. I have gone through things myself and watched how people tried to help me or handle things. Sadly, I have found a few things that I'd like to vent about...things that aggravate me because of the level of disrespect that they seem to show.
(1) Jealousy: Jealousy seems to be the blame of a number of situations. It seems to be the word that most people use as any excuse for why people act like jerks to each other. An example was a situation I had several months ago with some women that repeatedly referred to me as "preppy cheer mom" because I smiled alot. Though I found it to be funny, it was also agitating that someone would take time out of their day to say something catty to me because I smiled. I was told that the women were "jealous" because of the remarks that they said (more than just the one.) What I believe to be true is that they were not jealous at all. Jealousy indicates resentment because of another's success, rivalry, or advantages. If I were a Swedish supermodel, maybe that would be the case, but I don't believe that they were jealous. I think that this particular case (and many more) have more to do with insecurity than jealousy. I think that some people have a tendency to just spout off ugliness to bring people down so they can feel better about themselves and that it has more to do with their insecurity than actual jealousy.
(2) Deserving what you get: I have a really difficult time with this particular statement, even having a hard time saying it. Perhaps it's the level of empathy that God put in my heart but watching someone lose everything that they have or have their marriage fall apart (or anything else) isn't any easier to watch because they brought on their issues themselves. Yes, I do believe that you reap what you sow..call it karma or Godsmack or whatever. Yes, I do believe that your choices determine your outcome most of the time. With that said, no one really deserves to suffer. We are all equal in God's eyes no matter what sins you've committed. Period. Compassion in one of the greatest gifts that God gave us and saying that someone "deserves what they get" quite often takes that gift away.
(3) Apologies and lack thereof: I honestly believe that apologies are one of the building blocks of any good relationship (friendship, family, love, etc). People are going to let you down and they're going to make mistakes. The biggest difference in my relationships in life was the ability of people to admit when they were wrong and apologize for it. Conversely, it is also important how someone reacts to you when you apologize. If you apologize to someone and they react with a guilt trip, it's often times not as appealing to be around them as someone who accepts your apology and moves on. Apologies don't indicate that you are expecting someone to forget your mistake...just to forgive it. Apologies, like pictures, are worth a thousand words.
(4) Different vs wrong: Just because someone's outlook on life, discipline, etc is different than yours doesn't make it wrong. I see this reflected in parenting all too often. (i.e. "My child will NEVER throw a tantrum like that") The fact is that God created us differently so that we would react to things differently. Variety is the spice of life and people handle things differently, especially when it comes to parenting. Different kids need different disciplinary tactics sometimes...some throw more tantrums, some are more weepy, and some are more smart mouth. There are tactics to deal with them (and other people). Just because your treatment might be different doesn't make THEIRS wrong.
(5) I-Know-What's-Best Syndrome: I have found that many people are infected with I-Know-What's-Best Syndrome. They ALWAYS think that they know the solution to any problem. They ALWAYS think that they can fix their friends, family, etc. No one knows what's best all the time. Period.
(6) Reaction vs Reflection: I constantly say to my kids that they don't have to react to what their siblings do. They are frequently told to "ignore it." Sometimes, as an adult, it's difficult not to react when someone calls you a bad name, criticizes you, or just acts ugly toward you. I am just as guilty as the next person of sounding off. However, it is more productive to reflect on their behavior and why they might be doing it than to react to it. In the moment, reacting feels good sometimes but later, it often results in regret. (At least on my part).
(7)Life's About Choices: This is the last point, but certainly not the least. Life's about choices and, while people are always saying this, often times others are going to be judgmental about yours. You can't make everyone happy and it would exhaust you to try. Do what's right for you and your kids and just accept that people will sound off and it doesn't really matter.
(1) Jealousy: Jealousy seems to be the blame of a number of situations. It seems to be the word that most people use as any excuse for why people act like jerks to each other. An example was a situation I had several months ago with some women that repeatedly referred to me as "preppy cheer mom" because I smiled alot. Though I found it to be funny, it was also agitating that someone would take time out of their day to say something catty to me because I smiled. I was told that the women were "jealous" because of the remarks that they said (more than just the one.) What I believe to be true is that they were not jealous at all. Jealousy indicates resentment because of another's success, rivalry, or advantages. If I were a Swedish supermodel, maybe that would be the case, but I don't believe that they were jealous. I think that this particular case (and many more) have more to do with insecurity than jealousy. I think that some people have a tendency to just spout off ugliness to bring people down so they can feel better about themselves and that it has more to do with their insecurity than actual jealousy.
(2) Deserving what you get: I have a really difficult time with this particular statement, even having a hard time saying it. Perhaps it's the level of empathy that God put in my heart but watching someone lose everything that they have or have their marriage fall apart (or anything else) isn't any easier to watch because they brought on their issues themselves. Yes, I do believe that you reap what you sow..call it karma or Godsmack or whatever. Yes, I do believe that your choices determine your outcome most of the time. With that said, no one really deserves to suffer. We are all equal in God's eyes no matter what sins you've committed. Period. Compassion in one of the greatest gifts that God gave us and saying that someone "deserves what they get" quite often takes that gift away.
(3) Apologies and lack thereof: I honestly believe that apologies are one of the building blocks of any good relationship (friendship, family, love, etc). People are going to let you down and they're going to make mistakes. The biggest difference in my relationships in life was the ability of people to admit when they were wrong and apologize for it. Conversely, it is also important how someone reacts to you when you apologize. If you apologize to someone and they react with a guilt trip, it's often times not as appealing to be around them as someone who accepts your apology and moves on. Apologies don't indicate that you are expecting someone to forget your mistake...just to forgive it. Apologies, like pictures, are worth a thousand words.
(4) Different vs wrong: Just because someone's outlook on life, discipline, etc is different than yours doesn't make it wrong. I see this reflected in parenting all too often. (i.e. "My child will NEVER throw a tantrum like that") The fact is that God created us differently so that we would react to things differently. Variety is the spice of life and people handle things differently, especially when it comes to parenting. Different kids need different disciplinary tactics sometimes...some throw more tantrums, some are more weepy, and some are more smart mouth. There are tactics to deal with them (and other people). Just because your treatment might be different doesn't make THEIRS wrong.
(5) I-Know-What's-Best Syndrome: I have found that many people are infected with I-Know-What's-Best Syndrome. They ALWAYS think that they know the solution to any problem. They ALWAYS think that they can fix their friends, family, etc. No one knows what's best all the time. Period.
(6) Reaction vs Reflection: I constantly say to my kids that they don't have to react to what their siblings do. They are frequently told to "ignore it." Sometimes, as an adult, it's difficult not to react when someone calls you a bad name, criticizes you, or just acts ugly toward you. I am just as guilty as the next person of sounding off. However, it is more productive to reflect on their behavior and why they might be doing it than to react to it. In the moment, reacting feels good sometimes but later, it often results in regret. (At least on my part).
(7)Life's About Choices: This is the last point, but certainly not the least. Life's about choices and, while people are always saying this, often times others are going to be judgmental about yours. You can't make everyone happy and it would exhaust you to try. Do what's right for you and your kids and just accept that people will sound off and it doesn't really matter.
A series of uncontrollable events.....
Sometimes chaos just rules. There are a million ways to phrase it: trials, troubles, drama...the list goes on and on. There are going to be times in life when you just have to wait for a difficult storm to pass. Perhaps it's a death in the family, an illness, troubles with your kids, loss of a job, or a separation/divorce. It doesn't really matter what or how big the problem seems to anyone else, it is a difficult season for you and moving forward seems like it's not even possible.
There are a number of ways that you can handle a situation like this and I would be lying if I said that I'd figured it all out. I don't know if I could figure everything about things like this out if I lived to be 100. Here is what I have learned though.....
*The chaos is going to happen. There is no one that gets to avoid it. There is no amount of luck or blessing that will make anyone avoid it. There are going to be trials and they're going to be hard...no matter what your reaction.
*No one else will be able to identify with your feelings completely. Even if the problem is similar (i.e. loss of a parent, etc), no one's situation will be exactly the same and, more than that, everyone is different emotionally. So even if that friend has lost a parent too, it doesn't mean that they will be able to identify fully. It doesn't make their efforts to help any less wonderful or heartfelt.
*It's going to hurt. Any trials in your life are going to hurt on some level or another. A loss is a loss whether it's losing a thing, a person, or anything else. It's okay to feel those feelings and allow yourself to grieve.
*Everyone grieves differently. This is probably one of the most important things that I've learned. I have noticed that people seem to have this idea, based on their own feelings, of how someone grieves a loss and if the person grieves differently, they are judged for that. Some people grieve openly and weep in the presence of anyone around. Some people grieve behind closed doors. Some people get angry and some shut down. Some sleep and some keep themselves busy. More than that, everyone's grieving timing is different. For some, it takes months and months (and sometimes longer) and for others, it seems to happen overnight. God created us differently and we grieve differently.
*Denial helps nothing at all. The more you deny, the more it will hurt in the end.
*There will always be SOMEONE who thinks that they know how to "fix you." They are just trying to help and, unless they get overwhelming, they are usually best taken with a grain of salt. When you're not in the midst of the drama, you WILL be able to see where they're coming from.
*There is nothing wrong with just allowing yourself to take cover in the face of the storm but it won't make it pass any more quickly. Often times the best solution is to put on your rain gear and just go do what you have to do.
*Prayer is the only thing that can get you through ANYTHING. Even if the answer to your prayer is "wait", there is a level of confidence that comes in knowing that God has control over your situation.
There are a number of ways that you can handle a situation like this and I would be lying if I said that I'd figured it all out. I don't know if I could figure everything about things like this out if I lived to be 100. Here is what I have learned though.....
*The chaos is going to happen. There is no one that gets to avoid it. There is no amount of luck or blessing that will make anyone avoid it. There are going to be trials and they're going to be hard...no matter what your reaction.
*No one else will be able to identify with your feelings completely. Even if the problem is similar (i.e. loss of a parent, etc), no one's situation will be exactly the same and, more than that, everyone is different emotionally. So even if that friend has lost a parent too, it doesn't mean that they will be able to identify fully. It doesn't make their efforts to help any less wonderful or heartfelt.
*It's going to hurt. Any trials in your life are going to hurt on some level or another. A loss is a loss whether it's losing a thing, a person, or anything else. It's okay to feel those feelings and allow yourself to grieve.
*Everyone grieves differently. This is probably one of the most important things that I've learned. I have noticed that people seem to have this idea, based on their own feelings, of how someone grieves a loss and if the person grieves differently, they are judged for that. Some people grieve openly and weep in the presence of anyone around. Some people grieve behind closed doors. Some people get angry and some shut down. Some sleep and some keep themselves busy. More than that, everyone's grieving timing is different. For some, it takes months and months (and sometimes longer) and for others, it seems to happen overnight. God created us differently and we grieve differently.
*Denial helps nothing at all. The more you deny, the more it will hurt in the end.
*There will always be SOMEONE who thinks that they know how to "fix you." They are just trying to help and, unless they get overwhelming, they are usually best taken with a grain of salt. When you're not in the midst of the drama, you WILL be able to see where they're coming from.
*There is nothing wrong with just allowing yourself to take cover in the face of the storm but it won't make it pass any more quickly. Often times the best solution is to put on your rain gear and just go do what you have to do.
*Prayer is the only thing that can get you through ANYTHING. Even if the answer to your prayer is "wait", there is a level of confidence that comes in knowing that God has control over your situation.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Mornings...and other stuff
For years and years, I was a morning person. I loved getting up in the mornings and woke up in an outstanding mood almost every day just as a part of who I was. Even in my teenage years, I would prefer to wake up early than to sleep in until noon. It was a beautiful thing. After having children, and as I age, I have drifted from liking to get up early and I can't function without being cranky in the morning unless I've had some coffee. My life has evolved and my habits have changed.
Now I am a firm believer in the fact that people, at their essential core, do not change. They are who they are and when they try to fight it, disaster usually follows. Some people are just born grouchy and critical. They can learn to hold their tongues but if they try to change who are by forcing themselves to be happy all the time, it ends up catching up with them. Some people are born bubbly and hyper. They can learn to calm down but essentially forcing themselves to be mellow when they're not ends up catching up with them. People can change their habits but they cannot change who they are at their essential core.
Unfortunately, the general public's obsession with celebrities has everyone trying to fit into the same mold. Everyone wants to wear what they wear, eat what they eat, and even have the same baby items when they have kids. I know women that will throw out half of their wardrobe on an annual basis because they want to be "in style." They spend a fortune buying the clothes that the celebrities wear or the clothes that are in magazines because they want to blend in. People cut their hair like celebrities, wear the same beauty products, and shape their opinions based on what celebrities say. And this works for some people.....
Over the years, I have tried a little of this and a little of that to find out who I am. I have delved deeply into books, especially self-help which is my unfortunate obsession. I have spent time learning who I am and really making decisions on what I like free of what someone else likes, what a celebrity does, or what is "expected of me." It's a constant process, as it should be for everyone, but it is only after I discovered the core essentials of who I am that I really truly became comfortable and happy with myself. That's not to say that I don't have things that I dislike, physical or otherwise, about myself. What I am saying is that there are far too many people walking around in this life unhappy with who they are because they haven't really decided who they are or what they want.
The brutal truth of the matter is this: people are who they are. Everyone was created completely unique. There are women that are strong and independent that have been labeled "bitches" and they're happy with that...it works for them. That's awesome. There are women that are more comfortable being meek and mild and they're happy with that....it works for them. That's awesome. There are are those that are funny by their very nature, those that are extraordinarily intelligent, and some (God love them) that are clueless. The same could be said for men, though the terminology may be a bit different. When people are true to who they really are, they find true happiness in all that is around them. They learn not to rely on the opinions of others to make themselves feel worthwhile. They understand that other people's criticism isn't always about jealousy and it shouldn't shape who they are.
I think that a number of things affect who we are..... when we were born (Zodiac...and no I don't live my life by my horoscope though I think they're fun to read), birth order, environmental factors (family, etc), life experiences, and so on and so forth. I think that, essentially, people are born a certain way and it is their responsibility to discover who they are and what they like on their own instead of relying on other people for it. So here is essentially who I am......
I am generally a happy person, I just am. It's irritating to some people and endearing to others but I am generally happy.
I get angry, vent and then I'm done. In general (though there have been exceptions), I get upset, say what's on my mind, and then I'm over it. It doesn't mean I've forgotten what's happened OR that I don't care about things. I just don't see any reason to hold on to the anger.
I am uber-organized. I like things in their place and clutter makes me feel chaotic. If I had my way, my entire house would probably be labeled and in bins.
I am a list-maker. This is sort of an extension of being organized. I have lists to keep track of my lists. I never pack for a vacation unless I've made a list first.
I am thrifty...or cheap if that's what you want to call it. I have to REALLY want something badly to buy it on the spot full price. I much prefer sale (or better yet CLEARANCE) and using coupons or reward points to purchase things.
I love to shop for other people. I am especially a sucker for my nieces and nephews. I would much rather buy a cute new dress for my niece than a new shirt for myself.
I speak my mind. I have a general policy that you can say anything to me if you say it with love, nicely. If there is underlying criticism, I usually see it on the spot and I might even call you on it but I believe that there is a nice, tactful way to say most anything.
I have an opinion and it's usually well-researched. If I've learned anything over the years, it's not to take someone else's word on things. If I want to know about something, I read about it from all different viewpoints and make my decision on whatever it is. If I can't read about it, I try to talk to people and find out their viewpoints.
I am critical...and by this, I don't mean that I am looking for a way to pick at you. I mean that I am constantly on a fact-finding mission. I am fascinated by psychology and why people think/do the things that they do.
I am a giant geek at heart. I love to learn and expand my knowledge base. I would sooner read non-fiction most any day (witha few exceptions) than anything else. I get excited about learning.
I am a HUGE Twilight series fans....more so of the books than the movies. Enough said.
Although I have a few set people that I admire whose opinions I take seriously, I generally take people's criticism with a grain of salt. I don't believe that it's about jealousy because there's nothing to be jealous of. I believe that it is their opinion and they are entitled to it.
I am usually looking at the bigger picture and analyzing every angle in nearly all things. I want to plan things out as best as possible to achieve the best possible goal.
I am a planner. I plan everything and it makes me nervous when people fly by the seat of their pants.
Though I adore the close friends that I have, I don't feel like I need to have a billion friends to make myself happy. My friends are like family to me and I am fiercely protective of their well-being.
I am TERRIFIED of needles. I donated blood, thinking that it would help me overcome the fear but no such luck. I get light-headed at the mere mention of a needle and I can't watch them penetrate people's skin without feeling nauseous.
I am a firm believer that prevention is better (and easier) than treating a problem. I am very conscious of my weight and bmi because of this. I want to prevent getting overweight instead of having to treat it later. I'm not obsessive and I'll eat a greasy slice of pizza without a second though....but I'm conscious of it.
I talk a good portion of my waking hours. I talk on the phone when necessary but I much prefer to email/message/text it or to say it in person.
I make an effort to accept people where they're at even if I don't agree with their decisions. There are some people in life who constantly make dumb decisions but that doesn't mean that they're dumb. I don't have to agree with someone's lifestyle in order to be happy that THEY'RE happy.
I love babies but with my kids aged 4 and above now, I don't want any more babies. I am perfectly happy to change a diaper, babysit, rock someone else's crying baby, or even help a friend through a sleepless night with a new baby BUT I'm always glad to send them back home.
I love the arts....dance, music, and art itself. I am a giant sucker for any movie based on dance or going to see recitals, musicals, or anything like it. I love nearly all types of music and I believe that there is a type of music for any mood...and exercise that idea daily by choosing the music Iisten to based on my mood.
I love nearly all things Disney. I love Disney movies and some of my best memories growing up were spent at Disney World. I don't mind the crowds and chaos of the parks because I honestly believe there's something magical about being there.
I wear a ponytail nearly all the time....out of comfort and hate for hair hanging in my eyes.
I hardly ever make it in and out of any major store without browsing through sections where I don't actually need anything. I love to window shop...period.
I have a great passion for photography and at any given moment, I usually have a camera available to capture memories....I also scrapbook for that reason.
I could go on and on.....these are just general facts but it's a stepping off point to explore who I am on a daily basis and learn more about who I am and who I want to be.
Now I am a firm believer in the fact that people, at their essential core, do not change. They are who they are and when they try to fight it, disaster usually follows. Some people are just born grouchy and critical. They can learn to hold their tongues but if they try to change who are by forcing themselves to be happy all the time, it ends up catching up with them. Some people are born bubbly and hyper. They can learn to calm down but essentially forcing themselves to be mellow when they're not ends up catching up with them. People can change their habits but they cannot change who they are at their essential core.
Unfortunately, the general public's obsession with celebrities has everyone trying to fit into the same mold. Everyone wants to wear what they wear, eat what they eat, and even have the same baby items when they have kids. I know women that will throw out half of their wardrobe on an annual basis because they want to be "in style." They spend a fortune buying the clothes that the celebrities wear or the clothes that are in magazines because they want to blend in. People cut their hair like celebrities, wear the same beauty products, and shape their opinions based on what celebrities say. And this works for some people.....
Over the years, I have tried a little of this and a little of that to find out who I am. I have delved deeply into books, especially self-help which is my unfortunate obsession. I have spent time learning who I am and really making decisions on what I like free of what someone else likes, what a celebrity does, or what is "expected of me." It's a constant process, as it should be for everyone, but it is only after I discovered the core essentials of who I am that I really truly became comfortable and happy with myself. That's not to say that I don't have things that I dislike, physical or otherwise, about myself. What I am saying is that there are far too many people walking around in this life unhappy with who they are because they haven't really decided who they are or what they want.
The brutal truth of the matter is this: people are who they are. Everyone was created completely unique. There are women that are strong and independent that have been labeled "bitches" and they're happy with that...it works for them. That's awesome. There are women that are more comfortable being meek and mild and they're happy with that....it works for them. That's awesome. There are are those that are funny by their very nature, those that are extraordinarily intelligent, and some (God love them) that are clueless. The same could be said for men, though the terminology may be a bit different. When people are true to who they really are, they find true happiness in all that is around them. They learn not to rely on the opinions of others to make themselves feel worthwhile. They understand that other people's criticism isn't always about jealousy and it shouldn't shape who they are.
I think that a number of things affect who we are..... when we were born (Zodiac...and no I don't live my life by my horoscope though I think they're fun to read), birth order, environmental factors (family, etc), life experiences, and so on and so forth. I think that, essentially, people are born a certain way and it is their responsibility to discover who they are and what they like on their own instead of relying on other people for it. So here is essentially who I am......
I am generally a happy person, I just am. It's irritating to some people and endearing to others but I am generally happy.
I get angry, vent and then I'm done. In general (though there have been exceptions), I get upset, say what's on my mind, and then I'm over it. It doesn't mean I've forgotten what's happened OR that I don't care about things. I just don't see any reason to hold on to the anger.
I am uber-organized. I like things in their place and clutter makes me feel chaotic. If I had my way, my entire house would probably be labeled and in bins.
I am a list-maker. This is sort of an extension of being organized. I have lists to keep track of my lists. I never pack for a vacation unless I've made a list first.
I am thrifty...or cheap if that's what you want to call it. I have to REALLY want something badly to buy it on the spot full price. I much prefer sale (or better yet CLEARANCE) and using coupons or reward points to purchase things.
I love to shop for other people. I am especially a sucker for my nieces and nephews. I would much rather buy a cute new dress for my niece than a new shirt for myself.
I speak my mind. I have a general policy that you can say anything to me if you say it with love, nicely. If there is underlying criticism, I usually see it on the spot and I might even call you on it but I believe that there is a nice, tactful way to say most anything.
I have an opinion and it's usually well-researched. If I've learned anything over the years, it's not to take someone else's word on things. If I want to know about something, I read about it from all different viewpoints and make my decision on whatever it is. If I can't read about it, I try to talk to people and find out their viewpoints.
I am critical...and by this, I don't mean that I am looking for a way to pick at you. I mean that I am constantly on a fact-finding mission. I am fascinated by psychology and why people think/do the things that they do.
I am a giant geek at heart. I love to learn and expand my knowledge base. I would sooner read non-fiction most any day (witha few exceptions) than anything else. I get excited about learning.
I am a HUGE Twilight series fans....more so of the books than the movies. Enough said.
Although I have a few set people that I admire whose opinions I take seriously, I generally take people's criticism with a grain of salt. I don't believe that it's about jealousy because there's nothing to be jealous of. I believe that it is their opinion and they are entitled to it.
I am usually looking at the bigger picture and analyzing every angle in nearly all things. I want to plan things out as best as possible to achieve the best possible goal.
I am a planner. I plan everything and it makes me nervous when people fly by the seat of their pants.
Though I adore the close friends that I have, I don't feel like I need to have a billion friends to make myself happy. My friends are like family to me and I am fiercely protective of their well-being.
I am TERRIFIED of needles. I donated blood, thinking that it would help me overcome the fear but no such luck. I get light-headed at the mere mention of a needle and I can't watch them penetrate people's skin without feeling nauseous.
I am a firm believer that prevention is better (and easier) than treating a problem. I am very conscious of my weight and bmi because of this. I want to prevent getting overweight instead of having to treat it later. I'm not obsessive and I'll eat a greasy slice of pizza without a second though....but I'm conscious of it.
I talk a good portion of my waking hours. I talk on the phone when necessary but I much prefer to email/message/text it or to say it in person.
I make an effort to accept people where they're at even if I don't agree with their decisions. There are some people in life who constantly make dumb decisions but that doesn't mean that they're dumb. I don't have to agree with someone's lifestyle in order to be happy that THEY'RE happy.
I love babies but with my kids aged 4 and above now, I don't want any more babies. I am perfectly happy to change a diaper, babysit, rock someone else's crying baby, or even help a friend through a sleepless night with a new baby BUT I'm always glad to send them back home.
I love the arts....dance, music, and art itself. I am a giant sucker for any movie based on dance or going to see recitals, musicals, or anything like it. I love nearly all types of music and I believe that there is a type of music for any mood...and exercise that idea daily by choosing the music Iisten to based on my mood.
I love nearly all things Disney. I love Disney movies and some of my best memories growing up were spent at Disney World. I don't mind the crowds and chaos of the parks because I honestly believe there's something magical about being there.
I wear a ponytail nearly all the time....out of comfort and hate for hair hanging in my eyes.
I hardly ever make it in and out of any major store without browsing through sections where I don't actually need anything. I love to window shop...period.
I have a great passion for photography and at any given moment, I usually have a camera available to capture memories....I also scrapbook for that reason.
I could go on and on.....these are just general facts but it's a stepping off point to explore who I am on a daily basis and learn more about who I am and who I want to be.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Stepping out of the boat
Life has been a roller coaster lately, to say the least and about half of the time I have felt like I'm going out of my mind just trying to keep up with my emotions. I have cried until I had no more tears. I have talked it out and prayed without ceasing. The simple fact of the matter is this....
This season of cleaning the trash out of my life has brought me to a crossroads and having my personality type makes this scary. I want to rationalize both roads and make pro and con lists. I want to figure everything out. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces. I start to doubt what I clearly hear God telling me to do because I am not seeing immediate results. I start to falter in my own mind and that makes things even harder.
Realistically, I know the outcome that is ahead of me. I know what road I am supposed to take but I am frozen in my tracks praying for God just to give me the strength to move my feet forward. I am scared. Period.
I opened my Bible this morning just searching for answers and came to the story of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking to Jesus. When he stepped out of the boat, he had perfect faith knowing that Jesus was going to keep him safe and sound. This is where I was the second that God provided me the answer to what I'm facing. The problem is that Peter started looking around at the waves and got scared...and then he started to sink. That is what I'm doing right now...I'm scared to death and I'm looking at the waves around me saying, "This just isn't possible. I can't do this." I'm starting to sink.
At the end of that story, Jesus grabs his hand and tells him that if he had kept his faith, he would have been fine (basically). Jesus rescues him from the storm. Logically I know this is what God promises and what will happen but that doesn't stop the fear from taking over.
So for now I will continue to pray without ceasing for God to just help me to keep my eyes on Jesus...to move my feet forward no matter how scary and to walk me through this storm safe and sound.
This season of cleaning the trash out of my life has brought me to a crossroads and having my personality type makes this scary. I want to rationalize both roads and make pro and con lists. I want to figure everything out. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces. I start to doubt what I clearly hear God telling me to do because I am not seeing immediate results. I start to falter in my own mind and that makes things even harder.
Realistically, I know the outcome that is ahead of me. I know what road I am supposed to take but I am frozen in my tracks praying for God just to give me the strength to move my feet forward. I am scared. Period.
I opened my Bible this morning just searching for answers and came to the story of Peter stepping out of the boat and walking to Jesus. When he stepped out of the boat, he had perfect faith knowing that Jesus was going to keep him safe and sound. This is where I was the second that God provided me the answer to what I'm facing. The problem is that Peter started looking around at the waves and got scared...and then he started to sink. That is what I'm doing right now...I'm scared to death and I'm looking at the waves around me saying, "This just isn't possible. I can't do this." I'm starting to sink.
At the end of that story, Jesus grabs his hand and tells him that if he had kept his faith, he would have been fine (basically). Jesus rescues him from the storm. Logically I know this is what God promises and what will happen but that doesn't stop the fear from taking over.
So for now I will continue to pray without ceasing for God to just help me to keep my eyes on Jesus...to move my feet forward no matter how scary and to walk me through this storm safe and sound.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Confusing....
Sometimes things in my life are just confusing. I know that God sees the bigger picture but often times, in the midst of dealing with all that I'm dealing with, I don't understand the reasoning nor do I understand what is going on to begin with. I find myself asking God why He asked me to be somewhere or talk to someone and then have it look like it blew up in my face or went nowhere. What I'm finding though is that if I remain steadfast in my faith in God and hope for the future, things WILL work out to my advantage...it may take time but they will.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Frustration and Faith
My prayers for awhile now have been that God will clear the crap out of my life. I have prayed for Him to remove the people and things that have been causing drama and grief...the ones that are toxic to me. I have prayed for Him to make it apparent whether the wishy-washies in the middle should be in my life or not. Basically this means that I asked for Him to sweep the things/people that COULD/WILL be beneficial to me on one side and the things/people that COULD/WILL be harmeful to me on the other side. Finally, I have asked for Him to strengthen the bonds with the people that are good for me. I don't feel like I could have done this process on my own since I don't see the full picture and I tend to want to believe the best in people, almost to a fault. God has made alot of things apparent in my life that I wouldn't have otherwise seen and, for that, I am so thankful. It has reinforced my faith, though it has been painful at times.
By the same token, I have felt great deals of frustration at this process. In particular, my frustration lies when I see three things.... (A) Someone I thought was an amazing blessing in my life who turned out to be the opposite (B) Someone who I know to be a schmuck seeming to get away with murder. (C) The people who used to be schmucks trying to fix their lives and being crapped on. I don't have it in me to be angry necessarily but I am frustrated beyond belief when I see good people being treated badly and jerky people being treated like kings/queens.
When I really dug in and allowed God to settle my heart about this, I noted the following.....
(A) God sometimes allows you to travel down a rough road so that when you get to the biggest blessings, they are even more sweet to you. This is a comfort not only for the rough patches in the path that I travel but also for me watching friends and family suffer. They are being allowed to go through this because there is something AMAZING on the other side. It will be so much sweeter when we are past the obstacles and can see this amazing blessing.
(B) To quote from a movie (Diary of a Mad Black Woman) "Sometimes we try hold onto the thing that God Himself is trying to tear apart." There are some things and people that are torn from our lives because they just aren't good for us. It doesn't mean they aren't good...just not good for us. This comforts me in my own life because there are areas where it hurts to be so out of control and watch what I'VE built crumble between my fingers. I rest in knowing that God will build something far more amazing in its place. I take great solace in this while watching my friends and family struggle as well. Sometimes things have to fall apart for them to fall together.
(C) God works in MYSTERIOUS ways. God does things that I never seem to understand at the time but later end up saying, "Oh, I get it..." Sometimes waiting is part of that.
(D) God has a FUNNY sense of humor. I say this all the time about the timing of our children's births because, at the time it seemed SO overwhelming and we never planned for them to be so close together or to have four. However, now looking back, I wouldn't change a thing!
(E) God or karma or whatever you want to call it DOES come back around. Sometimes it takes awhile but it ALWAYS comes back. People that call it karma say "What goes around comes around." People that call it God's hand say "You reap what you sow." The truth is that it's all the same thing, just different names. Sometimes you DO have to face bad things and it has NOTHING to do with karma but rest assured that your positive will toward people will come back to you times one hundred.
By the same token, I have felt great deals of frustration at this process. In particular, my frustration lies when I see three things.... (A) Someone I thought was an amazing blessing in my life who turned out to be the opposite (B) Someone who I know to be a schmuck seeming to get away with murder. (C) The people who used to be schmucks trying to fix their lives and being crapped on. I don't have it in me to be angry necessarily but I am frustrated beyond belief when I see good people being treated badly and jerky people being treated like kings/queens.
When I really dug in and allowed God to settle my heart about this, I noted the following.....
(A) God sometimes allows you to travel down a rough road so that when you get to the biggest blessings, they are even more sweet to you. This is a comfort not only for the rough patches in the path that I travel but also for me watching friends and family suffer. They are being allowed to go through this because there is something AMAZING on the other side. It will be so much sweeter when we are past the obstacles and can see this amazing blessing.
(B) To quote from a movie (Diary of a Mad Black Woman) "Sometimes we try hold onto the thing that God Himself is trying to tear apart." There are some things and people that are torn from our lives because they just aren't good for us. It doesn't mean they aren't good...just not good for us. This comforts me in my own life because there are areas where it hurts to be so out of control and watch what I'VE built crumble between my fingers. I rest in knowing that God will build something far more amazing in its place. I take great solace in this while watching my friends and family struggle as well. Sometimes things have to fall apart for them to fall together.
(C) God works in MYSTERIOUS ways. God does things that I never seem to understand at the time but later end up saying, "Oh, I get it..." Sometimes waiting is part of that.
(D) God has a FUNNY sense of humor. I say this all the time about the timing of our children's births because, at the time it seemed SO overwhelming and we never planned for them to be so close together or to have four. However, now looking back, I wouldn't change a thing!
(E) God or karma or whatever you want to call it DOES come back around. Sometimes it takes awhile but it ALWAYS comes back. People that call it karma say "What goes around comes around." People that call it God's hand say "You reap what you sow." The truth is that it's all the same thing, just different names. Sometimes you DO have to face bad things and it has NOTHING to do with karma but rest assured that your positive will toward people will come back to you times one hundred.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Is there such a thing as "no regrets?"
I heard someone say recently that they live their life with no regrets because everything that has happened to them has made them who they are. I really have thought and prayed on the subject because I do feel like I regret some choices in my life. Regret, as a verb, means "to think of with a sense of loss" or "to feel sorrow or remorse for." Regret, as a noun, means " a sense of loss, disappointment, or dissatisfaction" or "a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc" (both are from dictionary.com). The fact is that I do feel like I have things in my life that I feel sorrow and remorse for. I have feelings of remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc. Let me clarify, though....
The phrase "Everything happens for a reason" could not be more true, in my own mind. I do think that things happen for a reason and that there are seasons in people's lives. I do think that "sometimes bad things happen to good people." Don't get me wrong. I am not blind to the fact that the experiences in my life taught me lessons and that some of these experiences changed my habits. That being said, I don't think that the experiences changed the core of my being.
I am a firm believer that there are a number of factors in your life that shape who you are from the date you were born to your birth order to your name and obviously environmental factors such as family life, friends, etc. I think that the essential core of your being remains the same no matter what. Christ being in your life gives you a relationship with him and gives you a passion to be more like Him but essentially you still have to battle your bad habits one at a time (though with God's hand, it's much easier). I don't think there is much that affects your essential makeup because God created you a certain way and He doesn't make mistakes. I believe that some people are more shy than others by nature. You can change their habits but you can't change their essential make up. I believe that some people are outspoken. They can learn to shape their habits, but their desire to be outspoken will never change. I honestly don't believe that people's essential makeups change....only their habits.
So, getting back to my original question, I don't think that the experiences in my life made me who I am. I think they changed my habits...they made me appreciate certain things more, they made me more frugal, they made me more conscious of certain things, and so on and so forth. Big events let me know who my "real friends" were and how I should expect people to react in a crisis. Ultimately, though, it gave me knowledge and changed my habits, but not me. I don't believe that people have reset buttons. I don't believe that you can just flip a switch and make them something that they're not. They still have the same desires and passions...they just learn what to do with them (good or bad).
There are people that I regret hurting in my life, through words or actions. There are people that I regret felt hurt by situations that I watched. There are people that I have let corrupt my life for longer than they should have. There are people that I should have fought harder to keep in my life and there are people that I should have told to go pack sand. The fact is that I regret the way that I treated some people (good or bad) and how I let people treat me sometimes. The fact is that I regret some of my decisions and that I would change them if I could. The fact is that I do experience sorrow over some of the choices that I've made. I don't believe that there are honestly people that have no regrets. I believe that it is something that people tell themselves to make their minds feel at ease. Regrets are okay if you learn from them and God is a God of second chances. You may have a chance to remedy those regrets.
The phrase "Everything happens for a reason" could not be more true, in my own mind. I do think that things happen for a reason and that there are seasons in people's lives. I do think that "sometimes bad things happen to good people." Don't get me wrong. I am not blind to the fact that the experiences in my life taught me lessons and that some of these experiences changed my habits. That being said, I don't think that the experiences changed the core of my being.
I am a firm believer that there are a number of factors in your life that shape who you are from the date you were born to your birth order to your name and obviously environmental factors such as family life, friends, etc. I think that the essential core of your being remains the same no matter what. Christ being in your life gives you a relationship with him and gives you a passion to be more like Him but essentially you still have to battle your bad habits one at a time (though with God's hand, it's much easier). I don't think there is much that affects your essential makeup because God created you a certain way and He doesn't make mistakes. I believe that some people are more shy than others by nature. You can change their habits but you can't change their essential make up. I believe that some people are outspoken. They can learn to shape their habits, but their desire to be outspoken will never change. I honestly don't believe that people's essential makeups change....only their habits.
So, getting back to my original question, I don't think that the experiences in my life made me who I am. I think they changed my habits...they made me appreciate certain things more, they made me more frugal, they made me more conscious of certain things, and so on and so forth. Big events let me know who my "real friends" were and how I should expect people to react in a crisis. Ultimately, though, it gave me knowledge and changed my habits, but not me. I don't believe that people have reset buttons. I don't believe that you can just flip a switch and make them something that they're not. They still have the same desires and passions...they just learn what to do with them (good or bad).
There are people that I regret hurting in my life, through words or actions. There are people that I regret felt hurt by situations that I watched. There are people that I have let corrupt my life for longer than they should have. There are people that I should have fought harder to keep in my life and there are people that I should have told to go pack sand. The fact is that I regret the way that I treated some people (good or bad) and how I let people treat me sometimes. The fact is that I regret some of my decisions and that I would change them if I could. The fact is that I do experience sorrow over some of the choices that I've made. I don't believe that there are honestly people that have no regrets. I believe that it is something that people tell themselves to make their minds feel at ease. Regrets are okay if you learn from them and God is a God of second chances. You may have a chance to remedy those regrets.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Mission Impossible
In the past month and a half, God has put some amazing things on my heart but when I look at the mountains that are ahead, I think that it is an impossible mission. I feel like this is something that will live in my dreams and never find a way to turn into actual solid matter, so to speak. In short, I am doubting my ability to have enough faith to keep praying, even when it looks like it will never happen.
Though the story of the Moses is a great one to read for encouragement, it discourages me in that I don't want to wait 40 years for the changes in my life to finally become a reality. I think of Abraham and Sarah waiting on a baby and I think, "Gosh I don't want to be old and gray." I do believe in God's perfect timing but it doesn't make it any easier to wait, even with the level of patience that I have been given by God. So what do I do in the meantime.....
(1) Pray-Pray as hard as I can as often as I can. Pray for the miracles God has put before me to happen but pray also for God to rest my mind and help me to continue to have hope.
(2) Play - Play with my kids...keep myself busy. Work out, whatever I can do to have fun and keep my mind occupied.
(3) Take it one day at a time. I allow myself time to reflect on the dreams that God has put on my heart but I remember that it is going to be His timing no matter what. My anxiety won't help and I have to focus on the day at hand.
Though the story of the Moses is a great one to read for encouragement, it discourages me in that I don't want to wait 40 years for the changes in my life to finally become a reality. I think of Abraham and Sarah waiting on a baby and I think, "Gosh I don't want to be old and gray." I do believe in God's perfect timing but it doesn't make it any easier to wait, even with the level of patience that I have been given by God. So what do I do in the meantime.....
(1) Pray-Pray as hard as I can as often as I can. Pray for the miracles God has put before me to happen but pray also for God to rest my mind and help me to continue to have hope.
(2) Play - Play with my kids...keep myself busy. Work out, whatever I can do to have fun and keep my mind occupied.
(3) Take it one day at a time. I allow myself time to reflect on the dreams that God has put on my heart but I remember that it is going to be His timing no matter what. My anxiety won't help and I have to focus on the day at hand.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Accepting the Inevitable
I am a big believer in God's ability to make miracles happen. In fact, I believe that He orchestrates things perfectly in our lives. With that belief, however, comes the reality that sometimes He's going to allow things to be cleansed from your life that just aren't good for you. Sometimes it's a habit. Sometimes it's a thing that is taking up too much of your time. Sometimes it's a person. People are the hardest.
As much patience as God has allowed me to learn, I have very little tolerance for losing things in my life. I have little tolerance for feeling like I've failed at my friendships and relationships with people. The fact is that sometimes letting go of someone isn't about failing; it's about being strong enough to end the friendship while there is still a friendship to end. It's about maintaining civility sometimes and remembering that God calls us to be peacemakers. Sometimes, as much as it feels like you've done something wrong, God just knows what's best in the situation. He simply asks that you accept the inevitable and move forward. He asks that you keep moving down His path and trust Him to lead you to something better than what you had before. Maybe, down the line, He'll bring that person back into your life. Maybe He won't. The fact is that your reliance is on Him, not a person, thing or habit.
Knowing all this rationally doesn't stop me from kicking and screaming every time I have to face a loss in my life. I kick and scream because I don't want to fail. I kick and scream because I'm scared of the big changes and I know that it's gonna be hard. God never promised us that life would be easy. He simply promised that if we rested in His arms, we would find peace.
As much patience as God has allowed me to learn, I have very little tolerance for losing things in my life. I have little tolerance for feeling like I've failed at my friendships and relationships with people. The fact is that sometimes letting go of someone isn't about failing; it's about being strong enough to end the friendship while there is still a friendship to end. It's about maintaining civility sometimes and remembering that God calls us to be peacemakers. Sometimes, as much as it feels like you've done something wrong, God just knows what's best in the situation. He simply asks that you accept the inevitable and move forward. He asks that you keep moving down His path and trust Him to lead you to something better than what you had before. Maybe, down the line, He'll bring that person back into your life. Maybe He won't. The fact is that your reliance is on Him, not a person, thing or habit.
Knowing all this rationally doesn't stop me from kicking and screaming every time I have to face a loss in my life. I kick and scream because I don't want to fail. I kick and scream because I'm scared of the big changes and I know that it's gonna be hard. God never promised us that life would be easy. He simply promised that if we rested in His arms, we would find peace.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
How much is too much?
One of my goals for the year was to weed the people and things out of my life that cause chaos and grief. I literally disciplined myself to prayerfully look at each and every person and thing in my life, no matter how big or small my contact with them was, and to question everything and everyone. I questioned whether or not they were helpful, harmful or neutral. If they were neutral, I tried to push a step further and see if I could either make them a friend or see that it was not meant to be. If they were harmful, I respectfully but firmly ended the relationship leaving an open door if the drama ever stopped. Alot of these were relatively easy and I could see the harm overtaking the positive. Some of these relationships, however, were and continue to be extremely difficult to let go of. My question becomes this: How much is too much to allow in your life?
The Bible is hard to read on this. It says in no uncertain terms in the Bible to avoid constantly being in the company of fools. It says in no uncertain terms that you should guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Then, other verses point out that if your enemy strikes you on one cheek, you should turn the other and let them strike it as well. It points out that it is not the well that need the doctor but the sick. It points out that forgiveness is of the utmost importance. So how much is too much to let a person continue to hurt you?
My conclusions are relatively simple.....
*Forgiveness does not mean re-inviting that person into your life. Prayer leads the way in someone that has hurt you. Anger and un-forgiveness in your heart leads to a festering boil on your heart. It's what you have to live with. Search the motives of the person you are forgiving and then search your own. Sometimes patience and perseverance are going to be keys.
*Though you should always be seeking to share God's Word with people, there should be a stable support system in your life that is NOT made up of a bunch of idiots. There should be people there that will listen, give sound advice and support you in your decision.
*The turn the other cheek advice is only listed for your enemy and enemy is a strong word meaning "adversary." There are not many in most people's lives that are actual enemies. I believe that this refers more to overcoming what the enemy throws at you and letting them know that you have God on your side and you're NOT backing down. Instead of using anger and violence, you should use peace.
*When all else fails and you can't figure out what you should do based on differing verses in the Bible, prayer will always give you the answer. God sees the whole picture and He will provide whatever the circumstances. He is the maker of all things.
So how much is too much? It's a matter of circumstance, I think.
The Bible is hard to read on this. It says in no uncertain terms in the Bible to avoid constantly being in the company of fools. It says in no uncertain terms that you should guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life. Then, other verses point out that if your enemy strikes you on one cheek, you should turn the other and let them strike it as well. It points out that it is not the well that need the doctor but the sick. It points out that forgiveness is of the utmost importance. So how much is too much to let a person continue to hurt you?
My conclusions are relatively simple.....
*Forgiveness does not mean re-inviting that person into your life. Prayer leads the way in someone that has hurt you. Anger and un-forgiveness in your heart leads to a festering boil on your heart. It's what you have to live with. Search the motives of the person you are forgiving and then search your own. Sometimes patience and perseverance are going to be keys.
*Though you should always be seeking to share God's Word with people, there should be a stable support system in your life that is NOT made up of a bunch of idiots. There should be people there that will listen, give sound advice and support you in your decision.
*The turn the other cheek advice is only listed for your enemy and enemy is a strong word meaning "adversary." There are not many in most people's lives that are actual enemies. I believe that this refers more to overcoming what the enemy throws at you and letting them know that you have God on your side and you're NOT backing down. Instead of using anger and violence, you should use peace.
*When all else fails and you can't figure out what you should do based on differing verses in the Bible, prayer will always give you the answer. God sees the whole picture and He will provide whatever the circumstances. He is the maker of all things.
So how much is too much? It's a matter of circumstance, I think.
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