My prayers for awhile now have been that God will clear the crap out of my life. I have prayed for Him to remove the people and things that have been causing drama and grief...the ones that are toxic to me. I have prayed for Him to make it apparent whether the wishy-washies in the middle should be in my life or not. Basically this means that I asked for Him to sweep the things/people that COULD/WILL be beneficial to me on one side and the things/people that COULD/WILL be harmeful to me on the other side. Finally, I have asked for Him to strengthen the bonds with the people that are good for me. I don't feel like I could have done this process on my own since I don't see the full picture and I tend to want to believe the best in people, almost to a fault. God has made alot of things apparent in my life that I wouldn't have otherwise seen and, for that, I am so thankful. It has reinforced my faith, though it has been painful at times.
By the same token, I have felt great deals of frustration at this process. In particular, my frustration lies when I see three things.... (A) Someone I thought was an amazing blessing in my life who turned out to be the opposite (B) Someone who I know to be a schmuck seeming to get away with murder. (C) The people who used to be schmucks trying to fix their lives and being crapped on. I don't have it in me to be angry necessarily but I am frustrated beyond belief when I see good people being treated badly and jerky people being treated like kings/queens.
When I really dug in and allowed God to settle my heart about this, I noted the following.....
(A) God sometimes allows you to travel down a rough road so that when you get to the biggest blessings, they are even more sweet to you. This is a comfort not only for the rough patches in the path that I travel but also for me watching friends and family suffer. They are being allowed to go through this because there is something AMAZING on the other side. It will be so much sweeter when we are past the obstacles and can see this amazing blessing.
(B) To quote from a movie (Diary of a Mad Black Woman) "Sometimes we try hold onto the thing that God Himself is trying to tear apart." There are some things and people that are torn from our lives because they just aren't good for us. It doesn't mean they aren't good...just not good for us. This comforts me in my own life because there are areas where it hurts to be so out of control and watch what I'VE built crumble between my fingers. I rest in knowing that God will build something far more amazing in its place. I take great solace in this while watching my friends and family struggle as well. Sometimes things have to fall apart for them to fall together.
(C) God works in MYSTERIOUS ways. God does things that I never seem to understand at the time but later end up saying, "Oh, I get it..." Sometimes waiting is part of that.
(D) God has a FUNNY sense of humor. I say this all the time about the timing of our children's births because, at the time it seemed SO overwhelming and we never planned for them to be so close together or to have four. However, now looking back, I wouldn't change a thing!
(E) God or karma or whatever you want to call it DOES come back around. Sometimes it takes awhile but it ALWAYS comes back. People that call it karma say "What goes around comes around." People that call it God's hand say "You reap what you sow." The truth is that it's all the same thing, just different names. Sometimes you DO have to face bad things and it has NOTHING to do with karma but rest assured that your positive will toward people will come back to you times one hundred.
Monday, May 17, 2010
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