It doesn't really matter....

I just got back from a spelling bee where my oldest tried her very best and ended up with a fourth place elimination. The word that she got wrong was "linen." Alyssa is probably one of the best spellers I know and it doesn't seem like a difficult word but it's the one word that has gotten her goat all year long. She uses the advanced spelling lists from school and can spell words like "adjective" and "remember" but the word "linen" gets her goat.
We used this opportunity as one to encourage her and let her know how well she did. She did an excellent job. There were a number of kids eliminated before she was and she spelled some really difficult words. We told her how awesome she did and that she was really smart. It's always wonderful to be able to showcase how smart she truly is and how awesome it was that she had the courage to get up there in front of that many people and spell some pretty advanced words for third graders.
We used this as an opportunity to teach her good sportsmanship and to let her know that there always has to be a winner and it's okay if it's not you. Losing the spelling bee doesn't mean that you're a bad speller. It just means that there is somebody that spells better. Maybe that means they worked harder to study or maybe that means they are just naturally talented at spelling. There's always going to be someone to challenge you at things and those are the people who make you work harder, study more, and challenge yourself. The point is that when someone wins, you should take the opportunity to approach them and say "Congratulations. You did a great job." Alyssa's tears of defeat lasted only momentarily before she gathered herself and approached the winner to say "Congratulations. You did really well." This made me even prouder than the spelling bee itself did. For her to approach the winner and congratulate her is worth more to me than if she had made it twenty rounds. She learned a lesson in sportsmanship.
What we really wanted her to learn, though, is that in the scheme of things, who wins the spelling bee isn't that important. It's important that she studied the words and learned new things because knowledge is power. It's important that she had the courage to get up and compete at all because courage will get you to amazing places in your life. It's important that she overcame her feelings of defeat to congratulate the winner because good sportsmanship is a lesson that more children should be learning. It's important that she had fun and wants to try it again next year. It really doesn't matter if she won or lost, it's how she competed and she made me proud today.