The question of the day (or really the past couple of months) is how long do you wait? When something is laid on your heart, how long do you wait before you start to question? The reality is that sometimes God lays something on your heart to see if you'd be willing to do it but He has no intention of actually making you go through with it. Sometimes He lays something on your heart strictly to test your faith. Sometimes He asks you to do something to teach you patience (or some other lesson). Finally, sometimes it's just a question of God making sure that the coordination of His plans is perfect. When do you start to wonder if what He's asked you to do is what you should be doing?
I am finding that it doesn't really matter what the reasoning is for the wait. If you know, without a doubt that God is laying something on your heart, you have to believe that he'll take care of it. Continue to ask God to provide you affirmations, clarity and wisdom and it'll all come together eventually. The waiting stinks but the outcome is tremendous whenever God's hand is on something.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I Have Hope No Matter What
There is so much going on in my life right now that is beyond explanation and that I wouldn't dare want to expose all the details of simply because it's a big mess in some areas. It's a hard thing to deal with sometimes and, quite frankly, everyone has their own opinion on it and (in their eyes, at least) a strong need to share with me exactly what that opinion is and how I need to deal with things. While I appreciate the advice, unsolicited or not, it's all very overwhelming. With that being said, I say the following:
I can't explain why, in the depth of the crap I'm going through, I still feel the sense of peace that I do. I feel an overwhelming sense of "It's gonna be alright" that just seems to corse through my veins and fill my soul. I can't explain why I feel this sense of peace because, in my own head, it doesn't make sense. I can't, for the life of me, understand how in the midst of all of this chaos, my heart won't even allow me to stress past a certain extent. I thank God for it all the time because I know for sure that HE is the reason....even if I can't provide a real exact explanation.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel I am in and I can see it ahead of me. I can't explain the how's and why's things are going to come to pass but I do believe that they will and that God will be glorified through this process. I'm entrusting my life with HIM and trusting that HE knows how it's gonna happen. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the Lord, whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." That's what I am doing....committing it to Him and allowing Him to bring things to pass.
I can't explain why, in the depth of the crap I'm going through, I still feel the sense of peace that I do. I feel an overwhelming sense of "It's gonna be alright" that just seems to corse through my veins and fill my soul. I can't explain why I feel this sense of peace because, in my own head, it doesn't make sense. I can't, for the life of me, understand how in the midst of all of this chaos, my heart won't even allow me to stress past a certain extent. I thank God for it all the time because I know for sure that HE is the reason....even if I can't provide a real exact explanation.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel I am in and I can see it ahead of me. I can't explain the how's and why's things are going to come to pass but I do believe that they will and that God will be glorified through this process. I'm entrusting my life with HIM and trusting that HE knows how it's gonna happen. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the Lord, whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." That's what I am doing....committing it to Him and allowing Him to bring things to pass.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I surrender
I admit it...I'm a control freak when it comes to alot of things in my life. I don't want to obsess about every detail but I want to feel like I have some sort of control over where I'm going and lately that doesn't seem to be an option. I can claw and fight my way through it but when it comes down to it, I don't have any control. Over the past few days, I finally just said, "God, you know what, I surrender." Obviously my way isn't doing it. Obviously I think I have it in my head what needs to be happening and obviously I'm wrong. Good news? I feel a sense of relief. Bad news? No more control. I'm praying really hard that God uses this opportunity to show me the positive aspects of letting go. I'm scared but I'm committed to letting go.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Unraveling
I am going through a season of learning alot of lessons in my life right now. (Then again, when is my life NOT like that?) One of the lessons I've had to learn is that I can't fix everything and I can't help everyone. I have to admit that this is both devastatingly hard for me to accept and it's also devastatingly hard to watch the people around me suffer and not be able to do anything but pray for them. It makes me feel completely helpless. I watch their lives unravel and I just have to wait it out.
Let me be honest: I'm a lifeguard in this game of life. However, I'm a paranoid lifeguard. I see someone start to flail even a little and I want to jump in and save them. Okay if I'm being honest, I don't just want to save them; I want to save them from the water, carry them to a cabana and provide the spa treatment. More simply speaking, I hae a tendency to not just want to help with whatever I can. My tendency is to want to provide them with star treatment in every way that I can, no matter what I have to sacrifice. While I don't think it's a bad thing to want to help people and it's definitely not a bad thing to exercise compassion, sometimes I find that I'm stepping on God's toes. Alright, more than sometimes. That's why it's a lesson I'm having to learn.
Here's what I have learned so far (and I'm sure there's more down the line....)
1.) My definition of "drowning" is different from God's Sometimes God is just letting someone test the water. I view it like someone who takes their little one to a public pool to teach them how to swim. The mother might stand in arm's length but allow the little one to struggle just a little so that they learn to dog paddle. If she moves too close, the child would grab on and rely on her but if she backs up just a little, she can let them swim to her. I have been the mom that is teaching her child to swim and I think that's what God's doing with people sometimes. However, I have a tendency to be the overprotective onlooker that jumps in at the first sign of panic from the child and scolds the mother in the water (figuratively, of course). Yes, that's right, I have a tendency to (figuratively) scold God, saying, "What in the world are you doing? Can't you see they're overwhelmed?" What looks like drowning to me looks like a swimming lesson to God. He's right there the whole time watching at arm's length but I'm only focusing on the flailing child.
2. ) Jumping in and whisking someone away does NOT always really rescue them Let's go back to the swimming lesson metaphor. If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child who's learning to doggy paddle, I'm actually hindering their progress. They not only miss out on learning to doggy paddle themselves but they also learn to think that what they were learning is a scary thing instead of a lesson. In essence, I teach them to panic instead of trust. I have a tendency to want to jump in and do everything for someone at the first sign of struggle. If they need money, I'm jumping in to get them money. If they need a babysitter, I drop everything to watch their child. Whatever they need, I am willing to sacrifice my own well being and resources to provide it. Sometimes that's what God wants. Sometimes, however, that teaches people to rely on me instead of on God. Sometimes it teaches them that the answer to their problem is in a person's hands instead of in God's arms. Often, it makes them believe that what they're going through is such a scary experience that they can't handle it...and they start to panic. That's not to say that they wouldn't have struggled a little anyway but now they're struggling worse because I tried to help where I wasn't needed.
3. ) There's a difference between helping and doing it for someone While it's okay to help someone out, there's a difference between helping them and doing it for them. If I race in and take over, I'm denying them a chance to learn really important lessons. In the long run those lessons might have benefited someone else because they were having the same experience. I might be denying a long line of people a particular lesson just by jumping in this time around. Exercising compassion and showing the person struggling love, support and whatever else they NEED is perfectly fine and it's what God wants for us. (Note that I said "need" instead of "want"...I'm having to learn the difference when it comes to this particular area). Sometimes, though, God needs to them to be a little uncomfortable in order to learn a lesson...and me doing it for them isn't teaching either of us anything.
4. ) Sometimes the lesson isn't patience or compassion; it's learning to keep my mouth closed and my hands behind my back As much as I want to help, I'm learning that I can't swoop in and rescue people all of the time. Sometimes God wants me to keep my mouth closed, my hands folded, and my head bowed. I can pray for them but I'm not supposed to do what I want to do to rescue them. He wants for their rescue to provide the glory to Him. If I swoop in, it only does more harm than good.
5. ) God ALWAYS finds a way to teach the lesson...and you might miss out on watching them learn it if you step in If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child, I might temporarily fix the situation but that's not going to stop the parent from coming back and teaching that child later when I'm not there....and I won't get to see the pride they exhibit when they learn. Sometimes the "reward" for standing back (prayerfully) and letting God handle things is simply getting to see the lessons that they learn firsthand and seeing how proud they are of themselves for getting through it. It's also about seeing how much closer they get to God. It is absolutely the most difficult thing in the world to watch them struggle but watching them learn to trust God is immeasurably awesome.
6. ) Finally, the bigger picture is way more important than the immediate shot. I'm finding that simply being there and supporting someone through their process ends up contributing more to the bigger picture. Providing a loving environment for them to learn their lessons in AND a pair of soft arms to fall into when they need to cry because it feels overwhelming is far more important than trying to resolve it. God allows me to repeat myself a thousand times a day that I'm here and I'm ready at the drop of a hat to jump in but He also assures me that it's under control. What I think is someone's life unraveling is really God taking out broken stitches so he can fix the seams and make it more sturdy.
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fully in control of this lesson but I'm definitely more prayerful about how and what I do to help in such huge ways. Prayer crosses all boundaries and God NEVER has an issue if I'm praying for someone...that's something I can ALWAYS do to help. However, I have to be prayerful about the control that I try to take to rescue people. God's in control and He will use me where he sees fit!
Let me be honest: I'm a lifeguard in this game of life. However, I'm a paranoid lifeguard. I see someone start to flail even a little and I want to jump in and save them. Okay if I'm being honest, I don't just want to save them; I want to save them from the water, carry them to a cabana and provide the spa treatment. More simply speaking, I hae a tendency to not just want to help with whatever I can. My tendency is to want to provide them with star treatment in every way that I can, no matter what I have to sacrifice. While I don't think it's a bad thing to want to help people and it's definitely not a bad thing to exercise compassion, sometimes I find that I'm stepping on God's toes. Alright, more than sometimes. That's why it's a lesson I'm having to learn.
Here's what I have learned so far (and I'm sure there's more down the line....)
1.) My definition of "drowning" is different from God's Sometimes God is just letting someone test the water. I view it like someone who takes their little one to a public pool to teach them how to swim. The mother might stand in arm's length but allow the little one to struggle just a little so that they learn to dog paddle. If she moves too close, the child would grab on and rely on her but if she backs up just a little, she can let them swim to her. I have been the mom that is teaching her child to swim and I think that's what God's doing with people sometimes. However, I have a tendency to be the overprotective onlooker that jumps in at the first sign of panic from the child and scolds the mother in the water (figuratively, of course). Yes, that's right, I have a tendency to (figuratively) scold God, saying, "What in the world are you doing? Can't you see they're overwhelmed?" What looks like drowning to me looks like a swimming lesson to God. He's right there the whole time watching at arm's length but I'm only focusing on the flailing child.
2. ) Jumping in and whisking someone away does NOT always really rescue them Let's go back to the swimming lesson metaphor. If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child who's learning to doggy paddle, I'm actually hindering their progress. They not only miss out on learning to doggy paddle themselves but they also learn to think that what they were learning is a scary thing instead of a lesson. In essence, I teach them to panic instead of trust. I have a tendency to want to jump in and do everything for someone at the first sign of struggle. If they need money, I'm jumping in to get them money. If they need a babysitter, I drop everything to watch their child. Whatever they need, I am willing to sacrifice my own well being and resources to provide it. Sometimes that's what God wants. Sometimes, however, that teaches people to rely on me instead of on God. Sometimes it teaches them that the answer to their problem is in a person's hands instead of in God's arms. Often, it makes them believe that what they're going through is such a scary experience that they can't handle it...and they start to panic. That's not to say that they wouldn't have struggled a little anyway but now they're struggling worse because I tried to help where I wasn't needed.
3. ) There's a difference between helping and doing it for someone While it's okay to help someone out, there's a difference between helping them and doing it for them. If I race in and take over, I'm denying them a chance to learn really important lessons. In the long run those lessons might have benefited someone else because they were having the same experience. I might be denying a long line of people a particular lesson just by jumping in this time around. Exercising compassion and showing the person struggling love, support and whatever else they NEED is perfectly fine and it's what God wants for us. (Note that I said "need" instead of "want"...I'm having to learn the difference when it comes to this particular area). Sometimes, though, God needs to them to be a little uncomfortable in order to learn a lesson...and me doing it for them isn't teaching either of us anything.
4. ) Sometimes the lesson isn't patience or compassion; it's learning to keep my mouth closed and my hands behind my back As much as I want to help, I'm learning that I can't swoop in and rescue people all of the time. Sometimes God wants me to keep my mouth closed, my hands folded, and my head bowed. I can pray for them but I'm not supposed to do what I want to do to rescue them. He wants for their rescue to provide the glory to Him. If I swoop in, it only does more harm than good.
5. ) God ALWAYS finds a way to teach the lesson...and you might miss out on watching them learn it if you step in If I jump in and "rescue" the flailing child, I might temporarily fix the situation but that's not going to stop the parent from coming back and teaching that child later when I'm not there....and I won't get to see the pride they exhibit when they learn. Sometimes the "reward" for standing back (prayerfully) and letting God handle things is simply getting to see the lessons that they learn firsthand and seeing how proud they are of themselves for getting through it. It's also about seeing how much closer they get to God. It is absolutely the most difficult thing in the world to watch them struggle but watching them learn to trust God is immeasurably awesome.
6. ) Finally, the bigger picture is way more important than the immediate shot. I'm finding that simply being there and supporting someone through their process ends up contributing more to the bigger picture. Providing a loving environment for them to learn their lessons in AND a pair of soft arms to fall into when they need to cry because it feels overwhelming is far more important than trying to resolve it. God allows me to repeat myself a thousand times a day that I'm here and I'm ready at the drop of a hat to jump in but He also assures me that it's under control. What I think is someone's life unraveling is really God taking out broken stitches so he can fix the seams and make it more sturdy.
I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fully in control of this lesson but I'm definitely more prayerful about how and what I do to help in such huge ways. Prayer crosses all boundaries and God NEVER has an issue if I'm praying for someone...that's something I can ALWAYS do to help. However, I have to be prayerful about the control that I try to take to rescue people. God's in control and He will use me where he sees fit!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Life Lessons
I have to say that I'm not all that excited about some of the lessons I've had to learn lately. They have been the not-so-fun but extremely life-altering lessons that bring you to your knees. I thought I'd share, nonetheless, since writing it out sort of serves as a therapeutic outpouring and maybe, just maybe, I can save someone else some heartache, affirm some life choice they're needing to make, or just provide some insight to something going on in their life.
1. People break promises. No matter how much you trust someone or how great you think they are, they ARE going to fail you. It doesn't make them a bad person; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they don't love you. The only person (and I use that term loosely of course) that doesn't break promises is God.
2. God sometimes asks you to do something just to see if you'll comply. God's honest truth is that sometimes God asks you to do some big life-altering change in your life just to see if you'll actually do it. He's not necessarily testing you so much as building your faith. He may ask you to move a thousand miles away or to take a job that would have you leave a job that you've had forever. He wants to see if you'll step out. The great news is that a show of faith in these situations is usually rewarded. The bad news is that you have to prepare yourself for the fall when you realize what you've been working for isn't going to happen and wait for what God has next.
3. People don't change. This is something that has been an ongoing lesson for me. People don't change who they are. They don't magically just change their ways. Even when God changes their hearts, He changes their actions more than anything. He created them uniquely the way that they are and has good intentions for each and every gift they have. It is their choice to use their gifts in a poor way and they do. Most of the time, people resort back to what is easiest for them, and that's generally not beneficial to others.
4. Nobody is going to like you if you can't like yourself first There are so many self-conscious people walking around, feeling like the world is going to end if they don't have friends around. The truth is that learning to love yourself is a process but learning to like yourself is even harder. Love is unconditional and you can convince yourself that you are worthy of love but actually liking who you are and seeing the positive in your qualities is an entirely different story. However, there are very few people in this world who are actually LOOKING for someone with low self-esteem to buddy up with and the people that ARE looking for that are generally trouble.
5. People come and go This one is an especially difficult lesson for me because I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. My friends are like family to me and I protect them like a lioness. There are some people that I have recently had to let go of and it's been one of the hardest experiences in my life. This has been an ongoing process but there have definitely been times when I've doubted the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" theory. Some relationships were gone for awhile and have sloooooooooowly started rebuilding and others are, I think, gone for good (though I guess you never really know.)
6. Sometimes God brings people back into your life for a reason With the invention of social networking, people are coming back into my life like crazy. Some of them are just old friends. These are the people that I enjoy seeing how they're doing but I'm not necessarily going to go drink coffee with them. Some of them are really good friends from the past that I just lost touch with. These people I am SO thankful for and I guess I never realize how much I missed them. Quite honestly, some of them are family that I just never made the time to get to know and now I'm getting that chance.
7. No one else has the right to make choices in your life but you If you give away your power to make choices by assuming that someone else knows what's right for you, you're giving away your power to live freely. You're actually voluntarily enslaving yourself to someone.
8. Moving on isn't giving up, and it isn't showing a lack of faith Moving forward through the big obstacles in your life isn't giving up on them. If your marriage failed or an adoption fell through or you lost your house and moved back in with your folks, it doesn't mean that YOU failed. Regardless of what some people will say, I honestly feel like Tyler Perry nailed it in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." In the film, Brian says, "Sometimes we hold onto things that God Himself is trying to tear apart." In the world we live in, there is so much craziness that we sometimes forget that God is in control. He doesn't change the rules on us but we aren't living in the time of Moses either....things change and God allows life changes to happen, sometimes for a reason.
9. Change hurts like hell That's just as simple as it sounds. It hurts like hell to go through change. I honestly think it's because you lose a piece of yourself when you change (don't get me wrong, change is good...it just hurts). The good news is that you gain a piece that replaces that.
10. Even when YOU lose focus on your path, God doesn't I seem to get distracted rather often on what I'm supposed to be doing. Most of the time, it's just an optimistic focus on the people around me that bites me in the butt. The truth is that sometimes the enemy throws distractions this way and sometimes it's just you distracting yourself. Sometimes it's unintentional but sometimes it's completely intentional to avoid having to make a hard choice. God won't steer you off your path. (which is not to say that you can't get off course YOURSELF). He just waits patiently while you sit down and refuse to move any further. Eventually you get up, dust yourself off and say, "Okay I'm ready now..." God doesn't lose that path.
So that's what God's been working on with me. It's not pretty but it's honest. It's as candid as it gets and, yes, it's not all that much fun but I believe that the rewards will be bountiful for the faith He's giving me right now.
1. People break promises. No matter how much you trust someone or how great you think they are, they ARE going to fail you. It doesn't make them a bad person; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they don't love you. The only person (and I use that term loosely of course) that doesn't break promises is God.
2. God sometimes asks you to do something just to see if you'll comply. God's honest truth is that sometimes God asks you to do some big life-altering change in your life just to see if you'll actually do it. He's not necessarily testing you so much as building your faith. He may ask you to move a thousand miles away or to take a job that would have you leave a job that you've had forever. He wants to see if you'll step out. The great news is that a show of faith in these situations is usually rewarded. The bad news is that you have to prepare yourself for the fall when you realize what you've been working for isn't going to happen and wait for what God has next.
3. People don't change. This is something that has been an ongoing lesson for me. People don't change who they are. They don't magically just change their ways. Even when God changes their hearts, He changes their actions more than anything. He created them uniquely the way that they are and has good intentions for each and every gift they have. It is their choice to use their gifts in a poor way and they do. Most of the time, people resort back to what is easiest for them, and that's generally not beneficial to others.
4. Nobody is going to like you if you can't like yourself first There are so many self-conscious people walking around, feeling like the world is going to end if they don't have friends around. The truth is that learning to love yourself is a process but learning to like yourself is even harder. Love is unconditional and you can convince yourself that you are worthy of love but actually liking who you are and seeing the positive in your qualities is an entirely different story. However, there are very few people in this world who are actually LOOKING for someone with low self-esteem to buddy up with and the people that ARE looking for that are generally trouble.
5. People come and go This one is an especially difficult lesson for me because I am so fiercely loyal to my friends. My friends are like family to me and I protect them like a lioness. There are some people that I have recently had to let go of and it's been one of the hardest experiences in my life. This has been an ongoing process but there have definitely been times when I've doubted the whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" theory. Some relationships were gone for awhile and have sloooooooooowly started rebuilding and others are, I think, gone for good (though I guess you never really know.)
6. Sometimes God brings people back into your life for a reason With the invention of social networking, people are coming back into my life like crazy. Some of them are just old friends. These are the people that I enjoy seeing how they're doing but I'm not necessarily going to go drink coffee with them. Some of them are really good friends from the past that I just lost touch with. These people I am SO thankful for and I guess I never realize how much I missed them. Quite honestly, some of them are family that I just never made the time to get to know and now I'm getting that chance.
7. No one else has the right to make choices in your life but you If you give away your power to make choices by assuming that someone else knows what's right for you, you're giving away your power to live freely. You're actually voluntarily enslaving yourself to someone.
8. Moving on isn't giving up, and it isn't showing a lack of faith Moving forward through the big obstacles in your life isn't giving up on them. If your marriage failed or an adoption fell through or you lost your house and moved back in with your folks, it doesn't mean that YOU failed. Regardless of what some people will say, I honestly feel like Tyler Perry nailed it in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." In the film, Brian says, "Sometimes we hold onto things that God Himself is trying to tear apart." In the world we live in, there is so much craziness that we sometimes forget that God is in control. He doesn't change the rules on us but we aren't living in the time of Moses either....things change and God allows life changes to happen, sometimes for a reason.
9. Change hurts like hell That's just as simple as it sounds. It hurts like hell to go through change. I honestly think it's because you lose a piece of yourself when you change (don't get me wrong, change is good...it just hurts). The good news is that you gain a piece that replaces that.
10. Even when YOU lose focus on your path, God doesn't I seem to get distracted rather often on what I'm supposed to be doing. Most of the time, it's just an optimistic focus on the people around me that bites me in the butt. The truth is that sometimes the enemy throws distractions this way and sometimes it's just you distracting yourself. Sometimes it's unintentional but sometimes it's completely intentional to avoid having to make a hard choice. God won't steer you off your path. (which is not to say that you can't get off course YOURSELF). He just waits patiently while you sit down and refuse to move any further. Eventually you get up, dust yourself off and say, "Okay I'm ready now..." God doesn't lose that path.
So that's what God's been working on with me. It's not pretty but it's honest. It's as candid as it gets and, yes, it's not all that much fun but I believe that the rewards will be bountiful for the faith He's giving me right now.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Opinions are like....
I've heard the expression thousands of times that opinions are like a**holes because everyone's got one. The truth is that everyone has dozens and dozens of opinions about everything. Even "better" is that everyone loves to share their opinions and then expect you to have the same opinion. That is where my issue lies.
Quite honestly, I am thankful for other people's opinions for a number of reasons. First off, I love peeking into the psychology of how people's minds work. Secondly, I love hearing different people's points of view so that I can form my own opinion based on alot of evidence. Finally, I value the opinions of those I love.
The truth is that you can choose who to listen to and who not to listen to. There is a polite way to listen and then just do what your heart tells you to do. There is a polite way to thank someone for their advice and then choose your own path instead. Frankly you CAN choose to just tell the person giving advice to pack sand but they mostly are just trying to help you not have to deal with the issues they've dealt with in the past.
Another important aspect of this to keep in mind is giving YOUR opinion to others. Most of the time, opinions are given because you don't want someone to hurt or deal with the same things you did. Often, though, people get upset when their loved ones don't take their advice. Somehow, they have come to believe that THEIR opinions are the end-all, be-all of good advice and that there is NO other way to handle things. Just as people all have unique aspects of who they are, everyone has a different way of coping and handling things. Advice IS wonderful but ultimately everyone has to find their own way.
Quite honestly, I am thankful for other people's opinions for a number of reasons. First off, I love peeking into the psychology of how people's minds work. Secondly, I love hearing different people's points of view so that I can form my own opinion based on alot of evidence. Finally, I value the opinions of those I love.
The truth is that you can choose who to listen to and who not to listen to. There is a polite way to listen and then just do what your heart tells you to do. There is a polite way to thank someone for their advice and then choose your own path instead. Frankly you CAN choose to just tell the person giving advice to pack sand but they mostly are just trying to help you not have to deal with the issues they've dealt with in the past.
Another important aspect of this to keep in mind is giving YOUR opinion to others. Most of the time, opinions are given because you don't want someone to hurt or deal with the same things you did. Often, though, people get upset when their loved ones don't take their advice. Somehow, they have come to believe that THEIR opinions are the end-all, be-all of good advice and that there is NO other way to handle things. Just as people all have unique aspects of who they are, everyone has a different way of coping and handling things. Advice IS wonderful but ultimately everyone has to find their own way.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I haven't written in a long time. It hasn't been for lack of desire. It's more been about lack of things to say. I feel like I've been in a bit of a rut and maybe feeling sorry for myself a little too much. I have to admit that I've maybe even been a little bitter. It's not to say that it's without reason, for certain, nonetheless, I didn't want to extend my bad mood on to everybody else's good day.
My most recent revelations in life have basically been like that of a little kid trying to push their way through doors. The door can open a crack and they want to rush through. Inevitably, their fingers get pinched and they end up crying because they're hurt. This is kind of where I'm at. I have found myself trying to rush through the door that's only opened a little at this point and I keep getting my fingers pinched and crying in frustration.
Quite frankly, in general, I tend to cry out in frustration lately. I tell myself that it's not fair and that I don't understand it but the truth is that I don't have to understand these lessons for them to be good for me. Sometimes parents have to choose what's best for their kids whether their kids like it or not and that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't make it any easier...just more common, perhaps. Right now I'm doing my best to just keep floating along and letting God take care of things in my life because I have faith that there are better things coming and that blessings are about to take over my life.
My most recent revelations in life have basically been like that of a little kid trying to push their way through doors. The door can open a crack and they want to rush through. Inevitably, their fingers get pinched and they end up crying because they're hurt. This is kind of where I'm at. I have found myself trying to rush through the door that's only opened a little at this point and I keep getting my fingers pinched and crying in frustration.
Quite frankly, in general, I tend to cry out in frustration lately. I tell myself that it's not fair and that I don't understand it but the truth is that I don't have to understand these lessons for them to be good for me. Sometimes parents have to choose what's best for their kids whether their kids like it or not and that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't make it any easier...just more common, perhaps. Right now I'm doing my best to just keep floating along and letting God take care of things in my life because I have faith that there are better things coming and that blessings are about to take over my life.
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